Fuel to the Fire
by just.say.you're.not.into.it
Summary: Sequel to But What Will They Say - Peyton only.  The Maine, A Rocket to the Moon, Kennedy Brock, John O'Callaghan, Nick Santino and more.
1. Keep Me Young

My reflection stared back at me in the mirror. My white veil cascaded perfectly down the white lace dress that Julia and had I spent weeks trying to pick out. My curly chestnut hair was pinned up loosely, a few curls falling freely. I kept it simple, not wanting to add anymore stress to today than I had to. I never intended on walking down the aisle. Growing up, I never had the normal dreams young girls had. When everyone was dreaming about their wedding, and the perfect man, I was dreaming about college and what I wanted to do with my life. A man was never a top priority for me. Until last year. Last year I decided that he was my whole life, the biggest part of it. Last year I decided that I needed to face my fears, and stop pushing the people that I love away.

"_It's beautiful!" I gasped, stepping onto the back deck of his new house. He had saved for months to afford the down payment, and now I understood why he couldn't live without it. He decorated the deck, which I am sure had taken hours upon hours. It sure looked like it. There were white lilies lying on one of the chairs. They were my favorites, and he knew that. We had been dating for almost a year. He knew almost everything, if not everything about me, and I knew more than anything, that he was the guy I was supposed to end up with._

"_I love this house," he sighed contentedly, leaning against the railing. _

"_It's perfect," I agreed, pulling my sweater tighter around my body to fight off the cold night air. Christmas was only a few days away, and I had yet to decide what I was getting him._

"_You're perfect," he smiled, pulling me close to him. I laid my head on his shoulder, taking in the view he had from his back porch. I was jealous that he bought himself a house. I wish I could afford one, but after Julia moved in with Garrett, I moved back in with my dad. I had to keep an eye on him and make sure he was eating his Cheerios._

"_What color are you going to paint the living room?" I asked him, turning towards him and wrapping my arms tightly around him._

"_You don't like the charming color of beige it already is?" he asked, acting shocked that I didn't appreciate the decorum that the standard suburban home came with._

"_It is a very interesting shade of boring," I agreed, thoughtfully. He chuckled and pulled me closer._

"_I love you, Peyton Elaine Smith," he kissed my forehead, and rested his chin on the top of my head._

"_I love you, too," I sighed back, content with how perfect everything seemed right now._

"_I didn't buy this house for me," he told me, running his fingers through my hair. I let that sink in for a moment, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to say until the next two words came out of his mouth._

"_Marry me," he whispered. I closed my eyes and let the reality of everything sink in. There wasn't a ring; he didn't get on bended knee. We weren't that kind of couple. He was too perfect, and I was a wreck. Together, we made sense. Anyone could see that._

"_Marry me, Peyton," he whispered again. I felt his cheeks lift up in a smile against my head. In return, I couldn't help but smile. I pulled back and let my hand slide to the back of his neck. I played with the tiny hairs resting on the collar of his shirt. His hair was soft, and I knew how turned on he got when I played with it. I let my head fall back so that I could look into his eyes. I already knew the answer, it was one of the easiest demands anyone had ever asked of me. So I closed my eyes and planted tiny kisses on his lips as I whispered the word, "Yes," over and over again._

"Peyton?" I heard someone call, and I snapped back into reality. I turned to the doorway and saw my best friend standing there. I hadn't seen Julia in a long time, and it was good to see her beautiful smiling face.

"Come here!" I yelled, practically sprinting for the door. She smiled and ran to meet me halfway. Our embrace was cut short when Garrett stumbled his way into the room balancing wedding gifts and Julia's bag.

"Where do these go?" he asked, trying to keep everything from falling. I chuckled and grabbed a few boxes off of the top.

"What is all of this stuff?" I asked, setting the boxes on the floor.

"Presents. From Jared, Pat and Nick. They were just all too lazy to find out where to put them."

"And when he says, Jared, Pat and Nick, he means Tessa, Steph and Nick's mom." Julia informed me. I giggled at the fact that Nick was still living the single life. Pat and his girlfriend Stephanie had been going strong for a few months now. I really liked her, and so did Julie. We were glad that he found someone perfect for him.

"You look," Garrett started, looking me up and down and then let out a wolf whistled. I smiled and turned around so that they could get the full effect.

"I never thought I would see you ever getting married." Julia looked like she was about to tear up and I understood why. We had been each other's everything for years. After she moved in with Garrett and I moved back with my dad, we only saw each other every once in a while.

"Don't cry or I will start crying," I sniffled. She nodded and pulled away to wipe her eyes. Garrett cleared his throat. We were being way too girly and I am sure he felt uncomfortable.

"I'm going to go make sure I have my best man speech ready," he informed us, heading for the door.

"He just doesn't like to see anyone cry, even if they are happy tears," she smiled. "You do look gorgeous," she told me, fixing my veil. "Are you nervous?" she asked me, sitting down on a stool.

"Not at all." I smiled at her. "I have never been more sure about anything in my life."

"Have you heard from-"

"P," I heard my dad yelling down the hall. He got lost in his own house, I am sure he would get lost walking me down the aisle. He was that kind of person.

"In here, dad," I yelled back. Julie squeezed my hand and then left to give my dad and me and moment. She kissed his cheek on the way out.

_My newly engaged fiancé and walked into my dad's house on Christmas morning. I was itching to tell him the news. When he wasn't in his chair, I started to panic, but it didn't last long. I heard him singing "Heaven and Hell" by Black Sabbath in the kitchen. He was cooking. I smiled at my fiancé and guided him towards my happy father._

"_Hey daddy," I smiled kissing his cheek and grabbing a strawberry out of the bowl._

"_Hey baby," he replied. He looked over at my new fiancé and nodded, smiling. _

"_Morning," my dad told him._

"_Good morning, Mr. Smith," he replied politely._

"_How many times do I have to tell you to call me Bill?" he asked._

_I chuckled at their exchange and then rested my chin on my folded hands, eying my father. He knew what that meant._

"_Alright, Peyton, what do you want?" he asked, flipping the pancakes on his griddle._

"_I just wanted to tell you that we got engaged. No big deal." My dad just chuckled to himself and poured more batter onto the griddle._

"_That's all I get, a chuckle?" I asked, faking hurt._

"_I knew you were getting engaged before you did," my dad smiled at me._

"_Oh," I bit my lip and looked at my fiancé. _

"_I asked your dad if I could marry you before I asked you. No big deal," he shrugged, slightly mocking me. I smiled and stood up, wrapping my arms around him._

"_Kicking it old school? Mmmm I like it," I whispered, bringing my lips to his._

"_Not in the kitchen. Not in front of your father," my dad said, ruining the mood._

"_Hey, dad, remember that whole eating healthy thing so you don't end up in the hospital again. How's that going for you? All I see are pancakes and bacon." I mocked._

"_Shut up, I have been doing really well. Can I just have one good breakfast? I don't like eating cardboard," he whined, like the baby he was. "It's Christmas morning, my daughter is engaged, and I feel better than I have in years. Pancakes are what I want, and pancakes are what I am going have."_

"_Fine, but you have to start eating better." I sighed, grabbing another strawberry to snack on._

"_Congratulations on the engagement, baby," he smiled, kissing my cheek as he passed me walking to set the pancakes on the table. I looked at my fiancé and smiled at him. Everything was perfect._

"I feel like I need to give you words of wisdom or something," my dad smiled as he took a moment to take in the way I looked. "I don't have any, but you look perfect," he pulled me in for a tight embrace.

"Thank you, daddy," I replied, wrapping my arms around him.

"Uh," he pulled back and sat down on the stool. "The wedding night is-"

"Dad!" I yelled, throwing my hands up to stop him. He was a way too late on the sex talk.

"I know, but I feel like I have to say these things." He justified himself. "I don't know if this is irrelevant now, or very much needed," he continued. I opened my mouth to tell him that he didn't need to do this because I had already had sex before, once. I guess a sex talk wouldn't hurt because I didn't even remember the time that I lost my virginity, but this would be painful and I didn't want to sit through it.

"I don't want to know," he informed me, now throwing his hands up to stop me. "Just be smart about it. I don't think you want the pitter patter of little feet around your new house, is all I am saying." I smiled at his attempt at a sex talk, and wrapped my arms around him again.

"I love you daddy," I sighed, laying my head ontop of his.

"You are the best thing that ever happened to me," he smiled. "And you are going to make this guy so happy. I hope he realizes how lucky he is."

"Oh, he does. Believe me," I smiled. "You're just saying all of this because you have to."

"Nope. You know how much you mean to me. If he ever hurts you, I swear to god I will-"

"Don't worry about it! He won't. Stop being such a dad and walk me down the aisle. It's about that time," I kissed his cheek and grabbed my bouquet of arranged lilies. He nodded, and I grabbed onto his arm.

"_Don't do this," he whispered, holding me so close that I could barely breathe._

"_I love him, and I want to marry him." I whispered into his shoulder. _

"_It almost sounds like you are trying to convince yourself," he said, slowly running his hands down my back._

"_No, I'm not. I do love him." I said, slowly pulling away._

"_You love me too. You told me. You can't say that you don't," he said, grasping at any straws he could to make me call off the wedding._

"_I do love you," I whispered, taking a step back so that his hands wouldn't be clouding my judgment anymore. "I just can't be with you."_

"_But you can," he took another step forward, but I took one step back._

"_You can't do this right now, I am getting married tomorrow," I felt the tears that were lingering in my eyes start fall._

"_Don't," he said taking another step forward. I didn't step back this time._

"_Nothing you say will make me change my mind. He means too much to me to hurt him, and I won't." I told him, meaning every word._

"_But I love you," his voice cracked, meaning he was about to get emotional. He couldn't, because that would be the end. I couldn't take it when he cried, it killed me._

"_I love you too," I sighed, almost defeated, "I just love him more." I watched his face fall, and it killed me. __It killed me._

_He closed the distance between us and placed his palm on the side of my face, gently. I looked up into his eyes and almost changed my mind then and there._

"_There will never be anyone else I love more than you," he choked out, resting his forehead on mine. My body started shaking with my sobs, my tears blurring my vision. Why was saying goodbye so hard?_

"_Don't leave," I pleaded. "You can't move. You can't leave me."_

"_Why not? You're leaving me. Maybe not physically, but emotionally, you are already closing the door," he sucked back his tears, and replaced his hurt features with more authoritative ones._

"_I need you here," I pleaded, laying my head on his chest. I heard his heartbeat, pumping at a rapid speed._

"_I just need you," he sighed, "but we don't always get what we want, baby," he kissed the top of my head and then had to forcefully unlatch my hands from around him._

"_Just because we aren't together doesn't mean that you have to leave," I sobbed, "You are one of my best friends, and I don't want to know what life is like when you aren't-"_

"_Come with me," he cut me off. I backed away from him forcefully, and shook my head._

"_No," I yelled at him, "I can't. I am getting married tomorrow."_

"_Well," he pushed his hair back, and watched the lights of the houses down the street all flick on at my outburst. They probably thought I was getting raped or mugged. "Then this is goodbye, Peyton Elaine Smith," he said calmly. He ran his fingers through my thick mane of hair, and pulled me in for a kiss. I was expecting it, but I wasn't expecting me to want it. I should have pushed him away, said goodbye and driven back to my dad's. But I didn't. I dug my hands in his hair, and pulled him closer, biting his bottom lip gently. He let out a low grow, and deepened the kiss. And then just as soon as it began, it ended as lightly pushed me away._

"_You need to get some sleep. You're getting married tomorrow," he sighed. _

"_You need to finish packing," I said, wiping my eyes. "You're running away tomorrow."_

Standing behind the brick wall that ran around the garden, knowing that my wedding was on the other side, had my nerves in a knot. I was walking back and forth; trying to calm down, my dad was just watching me. Julia, the only person I wanted in my wedding party, grabbed both of my hands.

"Calm down," she smiled at me. I nodded. "Are you ready to go?" she asked. I nodded again, taking a deep breath. She fixed a piece of my hair that had fallen from the pin, and grabbed her bouquet.

"Let's get you hitched," she smiled and turned to walk down the aisle. I looked up my dad, who was smiling at me like a mad man.

"_I can't marry you," I cried out over the phone. _

"_Baby, what's wrong?" he asked, concern practically dripping from his voice._

"_I'm twenty-two. I am too young to get married. We rushed this; we haven't even been dating a whole year. We're not ready."_

"_Where is all of this coming from?" he asked._

"_I-" I didn't know what to tell him. I always ran when big things were going to happen for me. It's just what I did._

"_The wedding is tomorrow, Peyton. What happened? Where are you?" he asked._

"_I'm at my dad's," I answered, looking around the room that I had growing up. The deep purple paint and band posters were still on my walls. Nothing had changed. My dad kept my room the same because I asked him to. It comforted me._

"_I'm coming over," he said._

"_No, no," I sighed._

"_Why are you so scared of us?" he asked, and he sounded hurt._

"_I'm not scared of us," I sighed. "I'm just scared that I may regret getting married before I have really even lived. We are young."_

"_But we are in love. We can call the whole thing off if you want to. I can sit here and personally call every single person we invited and tell them that we need to wait a few years, if that's what you want. You know I would do anything to make you happy." I did. I knew that he would do anything for me. I let out a small chuckle and shook my head, like he could actually see me._

"_No. Age is just a number" I said, thinking about it. It was now or never. I could face my fears or hide from them, like I always did. I'll see you tomorrow, baby." I told him. I heard him sigh in relief._

"_I love you," he whispered._

"_I love you, too. Now go to sleep. I plan on keeping you up all night long, tomorrow." I smiled at the thought. _

"_I can't wait," he said before saying goodnight and hanging up._

The wedding march started to play, and my nerves kicked into overdrive. This was it, no turning back now. My dad and I turned the corner, and I saw him, standing next to Garrett, he had his eyes closed. He had them closed until most of the guest gasped at the sight of me. I hated that. I was never one for attention, and the fact that everyone was fawning over me made me really uncomfortable. He opened his eyes and looked up. His face when he saw me made my heart melt. He looked so happy. He looked the happiest I had ever seen him since I have known him. I smiled back, and started the lengthy walk to the archway, where he was waiting for me. I will never forget the face he made the whole time I walked down the aisle. I will also never forget the face he made when I stopped making my way towards him, dropping my bouquet and running back down the path the way that I had come, leaving Kennedy Brock standing at the altar.


	2. The Sound of Settling

I heard gasps and muffled whispering, as I ran back down the path, and into the house where I had gotten ready. I threw my veil down, grabbed my car keys and ran to my car. I didn't know where I was going. I didn't know why my brain was refusing to function right now. I couldn't think straight with the image of Kennedy's face etched into my brain. I hurt him, more than I have ever hurt anyone ever before. He would never forgive me for this. He should never forgive me for this.

It was too late to take it back now. I couldn't walk my way back down that aisle and say, "Oh, Just kidding." I ruined the future we had prepared for. I ruined the life we had built. I ruined one of the best things that had ever happened to me.

For what, you might ask.

Pride.

The thought of relying on someone to be there for you through everything in your life, it's too much. I started at a young age, pushing the people closest to me away. I can't tell you exactly when it started, and I don't know when it would end. He more than likely would have wound up leaving me anyway. He would find someone better than me and leave me. Do the hurting before you get hurt. That should be my life motto. Did I actually believe that Kennedy would leave me? No, I didn't. It's hard to explain the love we had for each other. We would give up everything in our whole lives just to be with the other one. That was the problem. We needed each other too much. I tried to warn him on the phone the other night. I wasn't ready for this. We are both only twenty-two. There is so much more I want to do in my life before I settle down. Finish college, being the major thing. I felt like a horrible person, living in the house he bought, contributing nothing. I was in school. I didn't have a job. He paid for everything. I bit my tongue when he wrote that check for the house payment every single month. He always said that money never mattered to him, and I believe that. He wasn't in The Maine for the money or the fame. I loved that about him. I just wanted to pull my weight in the relationship. He wasn't getting money or sex from me, not that sex was payment, by any means. All that he got from me was love. He said that was all he really needed. He told me that every single day. He was different than most guys. Sitting in my car thinking about all of this, made me realize how stupid I was.

My car wound up parked to a beat up white truck. I rested my forehead on the steering wheel, willing my tears to dry up. They didn't. Why was I here? This wouldn't solve anything. This would make things worse. I lifted my head, about to put the car in reverse when I saw him. He was standing at the bed of his truck, a confused look on his face. He was still packing his stuff up, running away from Tempe. No, that's not right. He loved Tempe. He was running away from me. I shut the car off, wishing I had paid more attention when I was driving. He walked over and opened my door, offering me his hand. To say he was shocked to see me there in my wedding dress was an understatement. He didn't say anything though, he just led me into the house, and into the kitchen to fix me a grown up drink. He had to dig through some boxes to find the glasses. It made me even more sad to see that his life was packed away in all of these boxes. He was leaving because of me. He was leaving because I chose Kennedy.

"Aren't you supposed to be getting married right now?" he asked, looking at the clock on the wall. I just nodded, and took another sip of my drink. Yes, I was supposed to be getting married right now. My perfect wedding, at the perfect place, with the perfect dress, and the perfect flowers. Our guest list was ridiculous. Our friends from many bands were in attendance. My best friends in the world were there. Minus John and Justin. My wedding was supposed to be the happiest day of my life, but it wasn't. I had to fuck up. It's what I did best.

"Fast ceremony?" he asked, even though he knew his house would be the last place I would come to. Honeymoon in Europe, that wasn't happening anymore. I shook my head and stared at my hands.

"No ceremony," I sighed. "I couldn't do it."

"Why not?" he asked, taking a seat on the stool next to me.

"I'm selfish," I confessed.

"Why do you think you are selfish?" he asked.

"I just want to live my life before I get married. Kennedy is amazing, and he deserves better than me. He deserves someone who doesn't walk halfway down the aisle at their wedding and then turn around and run."

"You seriously left him at the altar? Fuck, Peyton." John shook his head. "If you didn't want to get married, then why did you say yes?"

"I did want to marry Kennedy. I thought I could do it. You don't know what went on in my head when I was walking down that aisle. A million thoughts exploded at once and I didn't want to end up regretting getting married. If I was having second thoughts about it before I even reached that altar, imagine what it would have been like after it was all said and done."

He nodded, like he understood what I was saying.

"Was I wrong for running away?" I asked, finally looking at him.

"I can't answer that. I have my own opinion, which I will share with you, if you want, but only you can decide if it was wrong or right."

"Lay it on me," I sighed, finishing the rest of my drink.

"I think that running away was one of the dumbest things you have done, and I have seen you do some pretty dumb shit. Kennedy loves you, and from what I have seen, you love him. You left him standing at the god damned altar, in front of everyone he knows. He is more than likely humiliated and confused. He is broken, and where are you? At my house? Why did you come here?" he asked.

"Force of habit, I guess," I said, wiping my eyes. He was right. I messed up.

"If you were going to stop me from leaving, don't waste your time," he said, drinking the rest of his beer.

"If you are leaving because of me, you should grow up," I retorted. He opened his mouth to say something but just closed it and shook his head from side to side.

"You know what? You are selfish," he said after a moment of careful thinking. "You are one of the most selfish people I know."

I couldn't say that I wasn't, because I knew I was. I needed to change. It hits you kind of hard when someone calls you selfish. Especially when that someone was John O'Callaghan, one of the most selfish people I know.

"If you aren't leaving because of me, then why are you leaving? Everything is here; your band, your family, your whole life."

"You can still come with me, if you want," he said, tossing that offer back up on the table.

I could accept the offer, because I basically just tossed my whole life off a giant cliff, and just waved it off as I watched it fall.

"You could stay," I said, standing up and resting my hands on his knees. "After what I just did, I am sure Kennedy won't want me living with him anymore," I sniffed, wiping one of my eyes. "I can't afford a place on my own. We could be room-mates." John just chuckled and shook his head.

"Are you fucking with me right now?" he asked. "On a scale of one to ten for a bad idea, that is at least a 54."

"And me running away with you is so brilliant?" I asked.

"No, I guess that's at least a 70 on the scale, huh?"

"At least."

"Then what are you going to do?" he asked.

"I guess I am moving back in with my dad," I shrugged.

"Well, it's a new start. For both of us. Things will get better." John said confidently. I just shrugged, not really caring if they did or not.

"You need to go see Kennedy," he told me. I nodded. I knew I did. I had to face him sooner or later. "Tell him exactly what you told me." I nodded again, not bothering to say anything.

"I need to finish loading this shit into my truck."

"Where are you even going?" I asked.

"California. I'm moving in with Justin," he informed me, picking up a box. I stood up and grabbed my car keys. I guess this was goodbye. For real this time. I followed him to his truck and waited for him to set the box down.

"I'm going to miss you," I said, truthfully. No matter how much John has hurt me or messed things up, I did love him. Not in the way that I loved Kennedy, but he was a big part of my life.

"You look gorgeous, Peyton," he said. "Just take care. Stop second guessing yourself so much. I've seen you go through men like there was no tomorrow, and you know what, there may not be. I've seen how cruel this world can be. It only takes seconds for it to change. You need to make the most out of it every day."

"So do you. Starting with you staying here," I tried, one last time. He just smiled and shook his head, wrapping his arms around me.

"I honestly saw myself marrying you," he whispered into my hair.

"Don't do this," I shook my head, wanting him to stop.

"Last night, when I kissed you, I know it was wrong. I just couldn't not kiss you. I thought it was goodbye," he continued.

"It wasn't goodbye. This is," I sniffled, burying my face in his shirt.

"Not for long. It's not like I am disappearing off of the face of the Earth. I am just a road trip away."

"Don't go. This is stupid. There is no reason for you to leave," I pleaded. I know what you are thinking. Yes, I love John. No, I am not in love with John. Squash that theory right now.

"I love you Peyton," he said, kissing my forehead. "Take care of yourself," he demanded, letting go of me. "And Kennedy. Tell him I will see him in a month for band practice," he called out as he walked back inside of his house. 

I got back into my car and drove. I drove the few miles to mine and Kennedy's house. Our house. Or what used to be our house. I guess now it wasn't mine.

I had no idea what I would be walking into, so I prepared myself. His car was in the driveway, but he wasn't home. As I walked into our bedroom, I instantly smelled his lingering cologne.

What have I done?

I saw a note, folded on my pillow. My stomach turned at the sight of it. I couldn't imagine what he wrote in it. My mind was racing a thousand thoughts per second.

_My dearest Peyton,_

_I am sorry if I pushed you into something you didn't want to do. I should have listened to you last night when you called me. I knew you had cold feet, but I didn't know it was that bad. Is it cliché to say that I am sorry? I don't think that word even means anything. I just selfishly wanted you to be my wife so bad, that I didn't take the time to analyze what was going on with you. I feel like we rushed this for no reason. If I could take it all back, believe me baby, I would. _

_I really wanted to tell you that you took my breath away today, and just seeing you walk down that aisle, however briefly, was something that I will never forget. I will think of it at least twice every day for the rest of my life._

_I want to know that you are okay, so please, call me when you read this. I will give you all of the space you need, but please, don't give up on us yet. We have so much together. You are the only thing in this whole world that means anything to me, and if I lost you, I would never forgive myself._

_You are my life. You are my everything. You are the only thing._

_I love you more than you could possibly know._

_Forever and always,_

_Kennedy_

My tears stained the letter and the ink started to smudge. He thought it was his fault. He thought that he pushed me into this. He couldn't have been more wrong.

This was my fault. This wasn't his, at all. The fact that he forgave me so easily made me feel worse than I already did. I didn't deserve this. I deserved so much worse. I deserved yelling, and cursing. I deserved to be put in my place, not put on a pedestal. I picked up my phone off of the nightstand, where I left it this morning and dialed his number. I paced back and forth as it rang, but it went to voicemail after a while. I almost hung up, but decided it would be best if I left one.

"Kennedy," I sobbed into the phone. Pull yourself together, Peyton. "I am so sorry," I choked out. "Come home, please."

I set the letter and the phone down on the nightstand next to our bed and climbed under the covers, too lazy to take my heavy dress off. I slept on Kennedy's side of the bed that night, falling asleep inhaling the scent of him on our sheets.

When I woke up, I looked at the clock. It was 4:02 a.m. I shot up and looked around the room, my eyes finally resting on the man sitting in the chair in the corner of our room, watching me sleep.

"Hey," he whispered, slowly standing up and walking towards the bed. I turned the lamp on and waited until my eyes adjusted to the newly lit room.

"Hey," I replied, kicking the sheets off of me. I grabbed the letter off of the nightstand and scanned over it. "This wasn't your fault," I said, finally looking at him. The man I ran away from only hours ago was just staring at me. He looked like Hell, and that was nobody's fault but my own.

"You tried to warn me and I didn't listen," he sighed, sitting down on the mattress. I shook my head and sat the letter back down on the dresser.

"I was selfish," I started. I did what John told me to do, and told him everything that I told John.

For the most part, he looked like he understood, and I was thankful for that. I didn't deserve it. Kennedy was such a kind heart, and that's what I loved most about him. When I was done giving my "I'm so sorry I am selfish" speech, he took me into his arms and whispered sweet nothings into my ear, trying to make me feel better. It worked a little bit.

"What do you want for breakfast?" he asked me, pulling away slightly.

"Pancakes," I told him, smiling because after all of this, he still wanted me around.

"You should shower and change," he sighed, looking down at my wedding dress. I nodded and stood up.

"Can you unzip me?" I asked. He smiled and came up behind me, planting tiny kisses on my neck as he slowly undid the dress. I smiled and closed my eyes, loving the tingling feeling he still gave me in the pit of my stomach.

"Oh yeah, John said he will see you in a month for band practice," I told him. I felt his hand freeze and his lips were instantly off of my neck.

"You saw John?" he asked, backing up until he was sitting on the bed.

"Yeah, I saw John. He was leaving today," I told him, slightly confused.

"You saw John? You run away from our wedding, you leave me at the altar, to go see John?" he asked.

Oh shit.

"After everything he has done to your past relationships, Peyton, you still go and see the guy? He is the first person you run to? Isn't that supposed to be me? Oh no, I guess not. I'm just the person you run away from," he yelled. I had never seen him this angry in my life, not even when he punched John onstage. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"I just went for a drive and I ended up at his hou-"

"Of course you did," he shook his head. "You know, I understand not being ready to get married, I do, Peyton. What I don't understand is the fact that you can't see that you love him. It kills me, because I could never even _think _about loving someone as much as I love you. The fact that you can, really says something."

"I don't love him!" I cried out, but he just stared at me, his face contorted in madness and rage.

"You know, I bit my tongue when you started something with him a long time ago. After you slept with him, who was there for you? I was. The whole time, I was just waiting for you to notice me. I was waiting for our turn. I told you that I would get my chance with you, and look where we are now. We live together, we love each other. We were going to get married. We built a life together, you and I. I sometimes wonder if that will ever be enough for you," he shook his head. I saw his eyes glass over with moisture, and my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest.

"It is enough, Kennedy. It is everything," I choked out, not holding back the tears that had been on the precipice of falling ever since this discussion started. He was silent for what seemed like an eternity, until he said something. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, either.

"I think it would be best if you moved back in with your father for now."

I replayed that sentence over and over again in my head. He wanted me to leave.

"Don't do this, Kennedy," I said, falling to my knees in front of his sitting body. "Don't do this," I repeated, laying my head on his lap, my tears soaking his jeans.

"Will what you have ever be enough for you?" he whispered.

Would it? Would I ever be okay with what I had in front of me? I bounced from guy to guy because I liked the fact that I had options.

That made me the biggest bitch on the planet, and Kennedy definitely deserved better.

I loved Kennedy, but would he be enough for me?

I wanted to say yes, he would be. I couldn't though, because I didn't know if it was just the fact that he was about to leave me made me feel so horrible.

"I love you more than I have ever loved anyone," I told him, lifting my head to look at his pain stricken face.

"I love you too," he said, placing his hand gently on my cheek, "but I can't do this anymore if you still have feelings for John."

"He isn't why I ran away, Kennedy. You know I don't love him like that, and you should know that you are the only man I have ever _truly_ loved."

"I'm going to go see Garrett," he said, standing up and stepping around me. "When I get back, I would appreciate it if you weren't here."

And then he left. I cried on the floor for a whole hour. My dad showed up sometime later to help me load up all of my stuff.

I left the house key and note on the kitchen counter.

The note was simple and to the point.

It read, "_Forever and Always._"

I hope he could move past this.

I hope we could move past this.

I hated John O'Callaghan more than anything right now.

If I had to guess, he told me to tell Kennedy that because he knew how he would react.

Well played John O'Callaghan. Well played.


	3. Miserable At Best

"It smells like something died in here," Jared cried out, entering my room.

"Get out," I grumbled from under the covers, trying to throw a pillow at him. It hit a framed picture of Kennedy and I that I had sitting on my dresser. Oh, the irony.

"Great aim," he mocked.

"I said get the fuck out, I am not kidding, Jared," I mumbled into my pillow.

"Woah, woah! Since when do you call me Jared? Am I not JMCM anymore?" he asked, sounding hurt.

"If I call you JMCM will you leave?" I asked.

"Uh, no. Sorry. You have been in here for four days. Have you even eaten anything?" he asked.

"Yes," I lied.

"You are the worst liar in the world, Peyton," a second voice said. I lifted my head and saw Pat there. I let out a very un-lady like grunt and pulled my pillow back over my head.

"Go away, both of you."

"Or you'll what? All three of us know you aren't going to get your lazy ass out of that bed and do something about it," Jared stated, true facts.

"Fine, stay. Whatever," I sighed, closing my eyes, trying to get my fourteenth consecutive hour of sleep.

"We're taking you out to get some food, because if you get any thinner, John won't be the skinniest person in our group of friends and he will kill himself. Then we are going to the mall. Then we may catch a movie or go out for drinks. Who knows what Tempe has in store for us today? Let's go find out. Get up," he demanded, smacking the wall twice for emphasis.

"I don't want food. Don't mention he who must be named. The mall really? Fuck the movies, FUCK THE CLUBS," I screamed into my pillow.

"Did she let's fuck in the tub?" Pat asked Jared. Jared let out a testosterone fueled grunt.

"That would be even better than our plans." Pat said, satisfaction hinting in his tone. I couldn't help but giggle and turn my head to the side to look at them.

"I appreciate it guys, really, I do. I'm just not ready to face the real world. My bed and Greek on DVD have been my best friends for the past few days."

"I thought we would always be your best friends," Pat said, his smile turning downward, his face falling in disappointment.

"You guys always will be," I sat up, kicking the covers off of me. "How did you get in here?" I asked, just now thinking about it.

"Your dad was on his way out when we were on our way in." Jared shrugged.

"You guys have been here since 7:30?" I asked, looking at my clock. It read that it was just after noon.

"Your dad has Judas Priest and Black Sabbath DVD's." That was good enough explanation.

"You reek. Go shower. We'll be watching Ronnie James Dio, may he rest in peace, until you get out," Jared said, saluting me as he walked out of the door. Pat copied Jared and followed him back into the living room.

I was lucky I had friends who gave a damn, but come on. Let me sleep.

"You're supposed to actually knock the pins down," Jared was telling Pat, who had gotten his fourth gutter ball in a row. Bowling was not my idea of fun, but the boys insisted, and I couldn't let them down.

"I thought you said that Garrett, Stephen, John Gomez and Jobe were all coming?" I asked, taking a sip of my ice water.

"Well, John, just texted me saying that they had an emergency band meeting to discuss something important and Garrett is kind of-" and then he mumbled something incoherently.

"What was that last part?" I asked Pat.

"He's kind of –," more mumbles.

"In human speak, please," I begged.

"He's mad at you and thinks being around you right now would be a terrible idea."

"Well, I actually understand," I shrugged, standing up to bowl.

"You do?" Pat asked as I passed.

"I hurt one of his best friends in one of the worst possible ways I could. It was unintentional, but it happened. The past four days have been some of the worst days in my life, but I deal. Because I have to. And I am sure Kennedy is dealing, because he has to. How is he?" I asked, softening my tone.

"Well, it only took him three days to get out of bed, not four," Jared shrugged. "He's just as pathetic as you are."

I ignored that last comment and went to bowl. I didn't care about this game at all. I wanted to go back home. It just sucked that I was actually good at bowling.

"Another strike?" Pat asked when I was walking back to the table. I just shrugged. Thank god this game was almost over.

"Have you tried calling him?" Pat asked, shoveling food into his mouth. I still hadn't touched my plate, but I was going to attack in a minute.

"No why on earth would I do that?" I asked.

"Because, everyone knows you guys will end up together except for the both of you," he informed me.

"I pretty much ruined it," I shrugged, taking my first bite of food in four days. My stomach reacted with leaps of gratitude.

"You don't know that unless you try," Jared piped in.

"And I will try to call him, just not today."

"Tomorrow?" Pat asked.

"Not tomorrow," I said, getting frustrated. "Can Kennedy just be a topic we don't discuss today."

"So we can't discuss Kennedy or John?" Jared asked.

"No, we cannot discuss Kennedy or He Who Must Not Be Named."

"Voldemort is never the topic of any of my discussions," Pat shook his head. I tried not laugh, but I failed.

"Well, I kind of want to go to the bookstore," I said, putting down my fork.

"Sure, we will, as soon as you eat more of your salad," Jared said, in the tone that a big brother would use. I rolled my eyes and popped a cherry tomato into my mouth.

"Bookstores are boring, I'm going to Gamestop," Pat said, walking away.

"I'm with Pat." Jared said, waving goodbye.

I loved bookstores. The smell of books and the aroma of coffee made me feel at home. It didn't get any better than this. Getting lost in a book was about the best escape there was. Bump drugs, read books. I ran my fingers along the top row of books, finally resting on one that looked good and retrieved it from the shelf. I thumbed through it, walking towards a chair and not paying attention. My body collided with another, and I instantly threw an "I'm sorry!" out into the air. We collided hard, and he held onto my waist for both of our support. I looked up from my book and gazed into some very green eyes. They were almost emerald.

"Sorry, I wasn't paying attention," I said again.

"No worries," he smiled. "It's not every day fate intervenes and thrusts me into a conversation with a pretty girl."

Gutsy.

"I'm Ben," he said, holding his hand for me to shake.

"Peyton," I replied, a little annoyed. I just wanted to read. It was then that I realized I had made him drop all of the flyers he had in his hand.

"What are these?" I asked, bending down to pick some up.

"My band is playing tonight. You should come by," he smiled. He had a great smile, that was for sure.

"Your band is called?" I scanned the flyer.

"Walking After Dark," he said.

"Walking After Dark? Who came up with that?" I asked.

"Our drummer."

"So your band is WAD?" I asked, giggling.

"I think that's why he chose that name," he winked at me. "So, do you want to come?" I thought about it. Jared and Pat more than likely wouldn't want to go, and I was tired of their pity party.

"I guess I could make an appearance," I said, folding the flyer and placing it in my back pocket.

"Hope I see you there," he smiled again, and picked up the rest of his flyers. "It was nice to have bumped bodies with you, Peyton."

I wanted to roll my eyes with how cheesy this guy was, but I needed fun and shows were my home away from home.

I sat down and started to read my book, but was interrupted a few minutes later. By two guys poking me.

"We need to go," Jared said, poking my side, while Pat's poking had turned to thumping.

"We just got here," I sighed, trying to pick up where I left off reading.

"We need to go, now." Jared said, more insistently.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because," Pat said, shrugging.

"What are you guys not telling me?" I asked, curious as to all of this secrecy.

"Garrett is here," Jared answered.

"Oh right, Garrett. Who is mad at me," I sighed. "He wouldn't come in the bookstore, would he?" I asked. "I mean, I really want to read right now."

"Kennedy is with him," Pat said. Jared gave Pat a death glare. I threw the book on the table, mouthing an "I'm sorry," to the employee standing there as I ran out of the door. I knew I would run into him eventually. I wasn't stupid. We had the same friends, we lived in the same town, all of that grand stuff, but the knot in my stomach was so tight it literally hurt me. I was nervous being in the same building he was in. I was nervous because I couldn't stand the thought of him hating me. What would he say to me if he saw me?

As fate would have it, I was about to find out. Little did I know that he was on the other side of the door that I forcefully pushed open, so fast that it hit him in the face.

"I am so sorry," I was saying, before I saw him crouching in pain on the other side.

"It's okay, I just think you broke my nose," he said, blood dripping all over the floor.

"Oh, Kennedy," I bit my lip, crouching down in front of him to take a look. He looked up at me, and his body went stiff, his eyes glazing over with some emotion I had a hard time reading. Was it hate?

"It's fine really," he sighed, standing up, tipping his head back. "You broke my heart, why not break my nose as well. An added bonus."

"That's not fair," I said, taking a step away from him. Garrett, Jared, and Pat all stood around awkwardly watching our exchange.

"It's not fair?" he asked. His face suddenly softened and he wiped the remaining blood from his face. "I don't want to fight with you, Peyton. What happened, happened. There's no point in fighting about it."

"Can we just talk? Please?" I asked, almost begged.

"Sure," he nodded, finally stopping the bleeding. "Tomorrow fine?" he asked. I nodded, thankful he was at least being civil towards me.

"Tomorrow is perfect," I tried to fake a smile, but even I knew it looked forced.

"Meet me at the house at noon. There's some stuff you left," he said, turning to walk with Garrett. I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. I had one shot and one shot only to talk to him, more than likely, and I needed to make it count.

Walking into the small venue that night, I felt out of place. I felt like I was cheating on Kennedy, except for the fact that I was no longer with Kennedy, and this Ben guy and I weren't starting anything. It was hard shaking Jared and Pat off. They were hanging all over me, trying to make me feel better. Loved them, but it was annoying. I got there just in time for the show to start, and I waited patiently until Ben's band played. They were headlining, if you wanted to call it that. They had a pretty good following, for them not to be well known. There were a lot of teenagers here, like the ones who went to The Maine's shows. I debated on whether or not to drink, but voted against it. I didn't need to do anything I would regret tonight. I was just going to enjoy some music. That was all.

"How are you guys doing tonight?" I saw Ben finally take the stage. His skinny jeans were tighter than mine, and his v-neck showed his chest piece. What was with lead singers and chest pieces?

"We are a band called 'Walking After Dark.' And this song is called "Changes!" he yelled and immediately went into the song. It was catchy. It was pop-rocky. It was good, I would give them that. n could sing. His voice wasn't deep and throaty like John's, but it did come from deep inside of him, projecting through the whole room. It was a lot little higher than I expected. It had a sound all of its own. It was unique, and I respected that.

The song ended and the crowd's applause almost deafened me. I was surprised I had never heard of this band before.

"So Ben ran into this girl at the bookstore today," the guitarist started.

"Andy, shut up," Ben said, looking slightly embarrassed.

"Why? I am just jealous you got to meet her. I have had a crush on her for about a year."

Why? I was nobody. He must have met someone more interesting at the bookstore.

"Did she come tonight?" the guitarist, Andy I suppose, asked Ben. Some girls in the front started screaming for no reason.

Ben scanned the crowd and his emerald eyes finally landed on me.

"Yep," Ben smiled at me. I guess they were talking about me. Andy followed his gaze and stared at me, his mouth agape. No subtlety there.

"Hey, you're hot," Andy smiled. I rolled my eyes and decided that was my cue to leave. I waved at Ben and started making my way towards the door.

"Wait, don't go. We rehearsed this all day, just for you," Ben said, and I stopped and turned around.

They didn't. Please for the love of god, tell me they didn't. They did.

"Well I picked you up, and lifted your wilted frame into the sun," Ben started singing.

There were tears stinging my eyes. Not from sadness. From rage.

He thought he knew me. He knew I ran with The Maine, and that was fine. He thought he knew me, but he didn't.

"Sunlight, Sunshine. All for you my daisy," he said, singing the words, and wasn't going to lie, they sounded good coming from his mouth. The crowd gave them a good reaction. They sang along. The Maine was well known in these parts.

Was this a joke?

Did he know that Kennedy and I almost took the plunge and got married?

Did he know that I was still hurting?

Did he care?

I didn't even know the guy, and he was making me regret even coming. I sighed and walked out of the venue, coming into contact with the fall air. It was perfect weather, and I was thankful it wasn't in the hundreds anymore.

I knew what I had to do. I couldn't wait until tomorrow to talk to Kennedy. I had to do it now.

Ben gave me the push, whether he knew it or not. Singing that song, made me miss Kennedy all the more.

Twenty-two minutes and fourteen seconds later, I was parked in front of our house. Well, what used to be our house. Now it was just Kennedy's house.

I took a moment to gather myself, and thing about what I would say to him. Was I going to go in with this really great planned speech, sweep him off of his feet and fix everything?

No, that wouldn't happen. I just needed to know that I did everything I could. I knocked on the door, and waited for a good minute. Nothing. I tested the door to see if it was unlocked. Bingo.

"Kenny," I shouted as soon as I was inside of the walkway. Nothing. It was a pretty big house, so I figured he couldn't hear me. I walked through the hallway and into the kitchen. He wasn't in there, but whatever he was cooking smelled delightful.

Little known fact about Kennedy Brock, he was a wizard in the kitchen.

I snaked around the doorway and into the living room, and what I saw almost made me sick at my stomach.

A leggy blonde sitting on the couch with Kennedy, a glass of wine in hand, giggling at something he had just said.

She noticed me and cleared her throat, almost uncomfortably. Kennedy followed her gaze and he went white as soon as he saw me.

"Peyton," he stood up. I looked from the blonde to Kennedy and then bit my lip, trying to keep my emotions in check. I wasn't going to lose it in front of Kennedy. He wouldn't get the satisfaction.

I slowly backed up, retracing my steps through the kitchen, the hallway, the walkway and down the long lighted sidewalk to the driveway that housed my car. I heard him call after me, but I ignored him. He sure got over me fast.

I should have known he would. He cheated on his last girlfriend. I wasn't his fiancé anymore. I was just a good story he could tell when he was drunk.

I got in my car, and the second my door closed, I lost it. I wasn't an attractive crier, at all. My face turned red, my eyes got puffy and my nose ran like there was no tomorrow.

I could barely see the road as I drove back to my dad's house. I ran inside, ignoring his concerned tone as he called after me.

I grabbed my suitcase, threw all of my clean clothes in it, not bothering to fold them. I packed anything I might need. I grabbed my cell phone, stole my dad's platinum card and kissed him on the cheek.

"See you, daddy," I said, carrying everything to my car. He was yelling after me, but if I talked to him, he would talk me out of this. I needed this.

I grabbed my cell phone and called the only person I wanted to see right now.

He was just a road trip away. A very long cross country road trip. I needed to get out of the west coast. The east coast was more appealing to me right now.

See you later, Tempe.

Fuck you, Kennedy.


	4. The Way Out Is Broken

My ipod skipped straight from Lydia to Mayday Parade, as I purposefully tried to keep The Maine off of my mind. I was on my last half hour of driving. I don't even know how long I had been driving, but I had music and an open mind to keep me company.

I sang along with the best and worst songs ever written, in my opinion, and to be honest, I loved every minute of it. I was born for the road. There was no denying it. The road and I had this understanding. I used it to think, and it sure knew how to calm me down. Driving stretches and stretches of highways and interstates, having them all connect to get people from place to place, it was truly something.

I watched my GPS as it told me which turns to take to see one of my friends. I hadn't seen him in a long time. He was at the wedding, but I didn't have a chance to even speak to him, but the second my car pulled into his driveway, he was running full speed towards it.

"Nicholas Bernard Santino, you forgot your coat!" his mom scurried after him, waving his jacket in the air.

"Nick!" I shouted, giving him a huge hug. He pulled me close and held onto me for a long time.

"I've missed you!" he said, finally stepping back.

"I missed you too, buddy. Mama Santino!" I smiled and gave her a hug. She hugged me with one arm until she threw Nick's jacket at him and then latched onto me, rocking me from side to side. I love Nick and his mom. They were the kind of people that could make you feel better no matter what you are going through… starting with…

"Are you hungry?" she asked.

Food. Starting with food. You would never go hungry in the Santino house.

"Starving," I smiled, because she would never accept 'no' for answer. I knew that from experience.

"I just made some lasagna," she smiled, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Nicholas, be a dear and get her bags," she called out to him as we walked up the steps of the porch. I looked behind me and grinned at Nick as he sighed and made his way to my trunk. Such a mama's boy.

/\/\

"Nicholas, stop that!" she shouted as Nick threw a piece of bread at me. I had a feeling I would be hearing his name a lot. Mama Santino started almost every sentence off with "Nicholas."

I wasn't going to lie, I loved it. It was comedy at its greatest.

"So, Peyton," she said, looking at me. "I heard what happened with the wedding."

"Ma, you can't just open the door and let the elephant into the room. Can't she get settled in before you intrude."

"It's fine, _Nicholas,_" I mocked and turned my attention back to his mom. "Things are hard right now, but that's why I came to see you guys. My other family."

"Oh, it makes me happy that you think of us that way. Nicholas, why couldn't you have dated her instead of your last train wreck of a girlfriend," she asked, smacking his head as she made her way to the kitchen. He just smiled at her and waited until she was out of hearing distance.

"Don't mind her. She's just trying to pawn me off on someone else. She's tired of having me around."

"Oh bologna!" I laughed. "Your mother adores you, and you wouldn't have it any other way!"

"What can I say? She keeps me fed," he smiled, leaning back in his chair and patting his stomach for emphasis. "Can I ask you something?" he asked.

I nodded, dreading his question already even though I had no idea what it was going to be.

"I'm not complaining, by any means, but why did you drive all the way to Massachusetts?" he asked.

"Tempe is hell for me right now," I sighed. "I am boycotting John, so I couldn't go to California. I decided it was time to pay you a visit."

"I'm glad you did. And now that you are here…" he said, standing up and grabbing my hand. He drug me down a flight of stairs into, what I guess was the basement.

"Are you going to shank me and leave me for dead?" I asked, swatting at some spider webs with my free hand.

"I'm going to do more than shank you," he laughed, resting his hand on the doorknob to the door at the bottom of the stairs.

"I know you may say no, and I respect that. But I have all of this," he paused, pushing the door open, "and I am sure I have heard it calling your name." I laughed and entered the room, looking at all of the recording equipment.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked him.

"We have a few new songs. The tracks are already done. Just need to put some voices on there."

"I would be honored," I smiled, sitting next to Nick on the desk.

"So, how is Kennedy?" he asked. "Or would you rather not talk about it?"

"He's moved on already," I sighed, staring straight ahead, not really focusing on anything in particular.

"Wow," was all he said.

"Yeah, wow," I agreed, hopping down from the desk. "I am tired, Nick. Where am I sleeping?" I asked.

"My room. I'm taking the couch," he said, hopping down.

"No, I can sleep on the couch," I insisted. I really didn't want to impose.

"No, you are sleeping in my room. Have you seen mother mad?" he asked. I giggled and shook my head from side to side.

"Good. You don't want to," he chuckled, pulling the door closed as we walked back upstairs.

Nick showed me to his room, and I hugged him goodnight. It was nights like tonight that made me realize that no matter how much shit has happened lately, I still had really amazing friends that would be there for me through anything.

I got the best sleep I had gotten in a week that night.

I woke up to something wet on my toe, accompanied by some grunts and snorts.

"I swear to god, Nicholas, if you are licking my toes I will shank your ass," I sat up and came face to face with a really big dog.

"ANGUS!" I heard Nick shout from down the hall. He rounded the corner to his room and doubled over in laughter as Angus started attacking my face.

"Get this thing off of me!" I cried out, trying to gently push him away.

"Angus, no," Nick said, in a very authoritative voice. Angus whined and then jumped off of the bed, slowly making his way to the door. Nick opened a closet in the hallway and grabbed a towel, throwing it at me.

"You should shower. With water. Not Angus drool," he smiled, heading back down the hallway.

"Haha, so funny," I mumbled to myself, standing up and digging through my suitcase, deciding what to wear that day.

/\/\

A few days passed, and Nick was helping me forget about all of the drama that awaited me back home. We recorded a few songs, and then a few more. It was all we did. We had fun working together. Nick had a great singing voice, and I was jealous of how much versatility it had. He could sing any kind of song and make it work.

My voice wasn't as great. It was the same as it ever was and more than likely, as good as it will ever get.

"Why are you not in the music business?" he asked me, playing back some of the stuff we had been working on that day.

"Because, I don't want to be. I couldn't do it anyway. My voice isn't that great."

"Oh right, your voice is horrible," he said, smiling. "That's why The Maine did a song with you. Your voice is so horrible, that I wanted to lay down some tracks with you. Horrible," he nodded, in agreement.

"Oh, shut up," I smacked the back of his head and sat down on the desk behind him.

"Watch the hair!" he shouted, trying to smooth it out again.

"I'm sorry Elvis Santino," I rolled my eyes.

"As you should be," he smiled, and spun around in his chair until he was facing me.

"Well, I think we're done," he said, leaning back in his chair.

"I don't want to be done." I sighed. "I like recording with you."

"Who wouldn't?" he fawned over himself, and I kicked his chair until he fell backwards out of it.

"You deserved that one," Mama Santino said, bringing us both a glass of water.

"Thank you," I said, accepting it graciously. I never really had a mother figure, and I was so jealous of Nick. He had one of the greatest mom's in the world. He at least knew he did. He adored her as much as she adored him.

"I've stayed longer than I was intending, Mama Santino," I informed her, "I don't mean to impose."

"Impose," she snorted. "You are welcome to stay as long as you like." Then she looked at Nick. "Marry her and she will stay forever. I need grandbabies!" she said, throwing her hands in the air and turning to walk back up the stairs.

"Why is she so eager to pawn me off!" he asked.

"I would be too. Clog any toilets lately?" I asked, slyly.

"You are so fucking funny!" he shouted.

"Nicholas! Language!" his mom yelled from the top of the stairs.

"Sorry ma!" he said, ducking his head in shame.

"What do you want to do now?" I asked.

"I don't know. We need a new project or something, anything to keep you from going back to Tempe just yet. I kind of like having you here."

"I like being here," I smiled, hopping off of the desk. My phone vibrated in my back pocket and I pulled it out.

"No contact with the outside world!" Nick said, snatching my phone. "It's just Garrett anyway," he shrugged.

"Why is he calling me? He hates me right now."

"How could anyone hate you?" Nick asked, setting my phone down.

"It's apparently very easy. Ask Garrett and Kennedy. I deserve it though," I shrugged.

"No you don't. Kennedy already moved on. You guys dated for a year, and he found someone new within a week. That's saying something."

"I guess it is," I nodded. It hurt when Nick inadvertently brought up Kennedy's new squeeze. The 5 foot 9 leggy blonde with her perfect hair, and perfect body was torturing me even hundreds and hundreds of miles away.

Stupid blonde bitch.

/\/\

The days passed by so fast in Braintree, Massachusetts. Without knowing it, a week had passed. I need to go home, but I couldn't bring myself to pack my car up and go back home.

Home was hell. Braintree was Heaven right now. Mama Santino stayed up late with me almost every night watching Grey's Anatomy re-runs and talking about life, expectations and of course, Nick. I had seen ever baby picture, every girlfriend, every awkward stage. I had seen Nick's life, and I wish I had known him when we were younger. I would have made fun of him every single day.

She had so many years of knowledge and advice, that I was fascinated by everything she said. I stored everything in its own compartment in my brain. Stuff that I would never forget, stuff that I would take to heart, she talked about everything.

It was nearing one in the morning when there was a knock on the door. I looked at Nick's mom as she stared at the door.

"Maybe it's Andrew. That kid has no sense of time," she mumbled more to herself than me. She opened the door and screamed, pulling whoever it was in for a hug.

I stood up, feeling like I was intruding on this exchange. I started making my way towards the stairs when whoever it was called my name. I stopped and turned around, and was confused as to why Garrett Nickelsen was in Braintree.

"Garrett? Why are you here?" I asked, walking towards the door.

"It's Kennedy," he said, stepping into the house.

Those two words, though they shouldn't have, made my legs stop moving and my heart stop beating. Those two words had me freaking out more than they should. I didn't waste any time running up the stairs to pack my bags. I ran into the den and shook Nick awake.

"What?" he grumbled, rolling over.

"I need you to drive my car to Tempe. I need to take a plane. Please Nick…"

"Why? What's wrong?" he asked, sitting up, his hair sticking in different directions, just like the good old days.

"Something is wrong with Kennedy," I informed him.

"What's wrong with him?" he asked.

"I don't know," I said. Garrett walked in and sat down on the couch next to Nick.

"He hasn't moved in a week. He hasn't eaten at all, and if it goes on any longer, well, I don't want to think about it."

"Why is he moping?" I asked. "He was the one entertaining blonde bombshells not even a week after we broke up."

"That wasn't what you thought it was," Garrett sighed, giving me a weird face. "That was someone from the real estate agency. He was selling the house."

He was selling our house. That was like a slap in the face. He didn't move on. Why did I always jump to the worst conclusions?

"You're the only one who can heal him. He's pretty broken, and I don't think I have ever seen him this down," Garrett said, concern dripping from his tone.

"I'm ready. Let's go," I said, standing up.

"First flight is tomorrow at 6 am."

"Fuck," I yelled.

"Peyton! Language!" Mama Santino yelled from her spot in the living room.

"Sorry!" I yelled back and then sighed in frustration. "Then I guess we will leave at 6."

/\/\

Saying goodbye to Nick and his mom was hard. They made me feel so welcome and loved that I almost considered moving in with them, and getting spoiled every day. I would see Nick in a few days, but who knew when I would see Mama Santino again?

As soon as we landed in Arizona, I bolted from the plane and through the airport. Garrett was right behind me, on the phone with Jared telling him where to pick us up.

As soon as he pulled up to the curb, I threw my bag in the trunk and hopped in.

"How is he?" Garrett asked him.

"I don't know. He won't open the door. You took the spare key with you, like a jackass."

"Oh," was all he said.

"Way to go, Garrett," I joked, but he just snorted.

"This is all your fault," he said, shaking his head.

"Hey, woah!" Jared cut in, before I could reply. "Lay off, Garrett. She's been through a lot. Just leave it alone."

I stared out of the window the rest of the way to Kennedy's house, the car in an impending doom of silence.

/\/\

"Kennedy?" I shouted as soon as I opened the door. Garrett and Jared decided to wait outside. It hurt them seeing Kennedy like this, and because it was my fault, Garrett could barely look at me.

I rounded the corner to our bedroom, now his bedroom and my heart broke at the sight. All of the sheets were mangled and hanging off of the bed. His hair was matted and greasy. He was staring at the ceiling, wearing nothing but boxers and a wife beater. His beard was almost out of control. He looked horrible.

"Kennedy," I sighed as I made my way in the room. He didn't even turn to look at me. He just closed his eyes and didn't say anything at all.

I sat down on the bed and studied him for a minute or so. He finally looked over at me, and his face said everything he couldn't.

He was hurting. I was hurting. We were hurting together, and we both had too much pride to admit it.

I did the only thing that I thought would help heal us both. I climbed under the covers, laid my head down in the crook of his arm, where I fit perfectly and rested my arm across his torso. He kissed the top of my head and sighed in contentment.

This wouldn't fix our relationship. As far as I knew, we were over.

But for now, for this moment in time, it was what we both needed. It was the only thing that mattered.


	5. Mr Right

I wasn't a very attractive sleeper. I never have been. I drooled more than one person should, and often woke up with Medusa hair.

I lifted my head and stretched out across the bed, forgetting momentarily where I was. Then I remembered. I fell asleep wrapped in Kennedy's arm, his steady heartbeat lulling me to sleep.

Not a bad way to spend the night, I guess. I sat up and tried to orient myself with the room, and how it had changed. Kennedy got rid of all our pictures from vacations and our engagement photos. The walls looked bear and it really hit me hard.

I looked over at his empty side of the bed and leaned back against the headboard. Maybe he ran away. Maybe he woke up this morning, and had one of those freak out moments where he would rather chew his arm off than risk waking me up.

Maybe he regretted the innocent nothing that happened last night.

"I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me," is what pulled me out of my horrible thought process. "He's just a poor boy from a poor family! Spare him his life from this monstrosity!" his voice got higher than it should have been allowed to.

"Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?" he continued. I smiled to myself and listened to him sing the lyrics to "Bohemian Rhapsody."

He opened the door in nothing but his towel, and continued to sing like I wasn't even there. He turned around and looked right at me and smiled. I wasn't expecting that. "Mama Mia, Mama Mia,"

Then he pointed at me, indicating it was my turn to sing. "Mama Mia let me go!" I stood up on my knees in the bed and joined in. He started dancing and we both continued singing until the song was over.

I could wake up to cute, stupid things like that every single morning for the rest of my life, and I suppose I could have, had I not ruined it. Kennedy grabbed a towel and threw it at me.

"You can shower if you want. Or if you want to get home, I understand," he said, scrounging through his drawers, looking for clothes.

"Yeah, I'll shower," I said, hopping off of the bed. It was then that I realized that Jared and Garrett had been waiting outside for me yesterday. I guess they left, with my suitcase. I would deal with that when I got out of the shower. I took a quick shower, not wanting to waste any of Kennedy's amazing mood. I wanted to take advantage of that for as long as I could. I grabbed the towel and wrapped it around me, and walked over to the mirror.

The mirror was still fogged up from both my shower and Kennedy's, and I guess he snuck in when I was showering. He had written me a little message. Two words. Can you guess what they were?

Yeah, you knew. You are smart.

"Forever and Always" is what he wrote on the mirror. I tied the towel tightly around me and threw open the door to find Kennedy standing on the other side, waiting. I threw my arms around him and brought my lips up to meet his. He wrapped his arms around my lower back and lifted me up, pulling me tighter to him.

He held me for a long time, kissing my head or my neck, when he felt like it, because, let's face it, he could.

Kennedy Brock had my heart, and he knew it.

"We should both get dressed," he smiled and finally let me go. I nodded and walked over to his dresser. I scrounged through all of his drawers, and when I got to the last one, I found something.

It was a little light blue box. I knew what it was. It was my ring. It was going to be a surprise on our wedding day. Did I want to look at it?

Yes. I did.

I opened the box and found nothing more than the perfect ring. Princess cut, at least a carat. I heard footsteps come up behind me and I froze.

Was it wrong to be looking at this? I had no clue.

"Oh," was all he said, with a sigh. He ran his fingers through his hair, which made it stick up various directions. I closed the box and tried set it back in the drawer, but he grabbed for it before I could.

"It's beautiful, Kenny," I said, standing back up.

"I'm glad you like," he said, opening the box. He took it out and grabbed my left hand.

"What are you doing?" I asked, my heart beating erratically.

"Seeing how it would have looked."

Oh, because that would make me feel better.

He slipped in on my ring finger and I lifted it up to look at it.

"Well, it's gorgeous," I shrugged. It fit perfectly too. Awesome.

I started to slide it back off, but Kennedy grabbed both of my hands before I did.

"I think that these past two weeks have taught us something," he said. "And that is the fact that we make sense together. We are a wreck without each other. I need you, Peyton."

"I need you too, obviously," I said, with a small smile. "But if we are going to do this again, can we skip the whole 'in limbo' phase and just pick up where we left off."

"Kill the limbo," he nodded and I giggled. "So the engagement is back on?" he asked.

"Yes," I smiled and wrapped my arms around him. "I love you," I told him, kissing him gently.

"I love you too," he replied. Our slow, gentle kisses turned into something else entirely. Our pent up lust and sexual frustration started making an appearance through our kisses and body language. The fact that we were both still in our towels, didn't really help. Or did it? I wasn't sure at the moment.

One towel fell, and then the other. As Kennedy laid me down on the bed, all I could think was, "Give me what I want, give me all you've got, give it to me, Kennedy Brock."

/\/\

"We need to go get your stuff and move you back in," he said with a kiss to my forehead.

We were wrapped up in sheets, our limbs were tangled, and I wasn't going to lie, sex was more fun than I thought it would be. At least it was with Kennedy. Could I count this as my first time? It was my first sober time. The first time I had sex, I was wasted, and so was John. That was something I wished I could take a giant eraser to.

"Yeah, we do. I haven't talked to my dad since I left. I hope he isn't mad at me."

"Why would he be mad at you?"

"I stole his credit card," I chuckled. "He'll be mad."

"He'll get over it. Nobody can stay mad at you." he said, pulling me closer.

"You're perfect," I sighed, and ran my fingers through his hair.

"No. You are perfect."

"What am I going to do when you guys tour again?" I asked.

"Come with us."

"No. No, no, no." I said, shaking my head. "The last tour I went on with you guys, was the last one. I tell you this everytime."

"I just hope you will change your mind and see that it will be fun because you are with me."

"We'll see."

"We have a few months. You can make up your mind."

"Yeah. I don't want to do anything today," I sighed. "I want to lay in bed all day and be lazy. Life can start again tomorrow, but today has been perfect, and I don't want to waste it doing anything other than you." I grinned.

"Round tw-" he was asking, but I attacked his lips before he could get it out.

/\/\

It was rounding five o'clock PM and the doorbell rang.

"Go get it," Kennedy grumbled, spanking me.

"You go get it!" I said, trying to push him off of the bed.

"I don't want to," he replied, grabbing onto the headboard so I didn't push him off of the bed.

"I don't want to either!" I said, pushing harder.

"But I really don't want to."

"Fine," I sighed, grabbing the sheets, leaving him lying there, naked and cold.

"Bitch," he whispered.

"Asshole," I replied. I ran to the front door and opened it before I looked through the peephole.

"You dirty slut," she said, eyeing me up and down. I bit my lip but couldn't help but smile.

"Hi Julia," I smiled.

"I can't believe you had sex! You were broken up last time I checked!" she said, leaving my suitcase in the walkway and running down the hallway.

"Julia, don't!" I said, chasing after her.

"MY EYES!" she screamed, covering them and backtracking a few of her steps.

"I said don't," I sighed. Kennedy looked like a deer in the headlights. He tried to scrounge around for something to cover up, but could find nothing so he grabbed a pillow and used that.

"Hello, Julia. Nice weather we're having, huh?" he asked.

"MY EYES!" she repeated, shaking her head from side to side.

"I answered the door in a sheet, Julia. What did you expect?"

"Not, this!" she said, motioning towards Kennedy with one hand, the other one still covering her eyes. "Have fun, use protection, and don't get pregnant. Call me later," she said, running for the front door. I shook my head and climbed back in bed.

"That was the single most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me," he said, staring at the ceiling.

"I am so sorry! I told her not to," I said, throwing part of the sheet back over him.

"It's okay. Nothing can ruin my mood. Today has been perfect," he said, kissing me.

"Only because I finally slept with you," I laughed.

"That's just a bonus," he said, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close.

"Kennedy,"

"Hm?" he asked, rubbing small circles on my arm with his thumb.

"I don't want a long engagement," I said, thinking about it. "Things are perfect and I feel better than I have in a long time. I think we should get married soon."

"Are you sure?" he asked, turning his head to look at me.

"I am positive." I nodded.

"Well, just tell me when and I will be there."

"It's funny to think about how things change when you lose everything you took for granted."

"You won't lose me again."

"Promise?"

"I promise," he nodded, kissing my neck, and then down my collar bones to my shoulder.

Not even going to lie, this was the best day I have ever had in my twenty-two years.

I never wanted it to end, but the second that clock turned midnight, it was over, and the rest of my life awaited.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

I know this was a short chapter, but I am going to start writing the next one. This was just a cute filler chapter, and I am uncomfortable writing sexy scenes, so I just skip them. Sorry if you like reading them. Thank you everyone who reviews and gives me feedback. Thank you so much, I love all of you. I am almost disappointed with how short this chapter is, and I am really sorry it is so short. Maybe I will update again tonight. I don't know yet.


	6. The Roads You Can Take

"Baby," I heard off in the distance. Then it felt like an earthquake. An earthquake! We have to take cover! "Baby," I heard again, and then some more shaking. I shot up in bed and realized that it wasn't an earthquake. It was just Kennedy shaking me awake.

"Shit, you scared me," I said, holding my hand over my racing heart. He chuckled and kissed my cheek. I looked at the clock. It was 2 o'clock. In the morning. Why?

"Why are we awake right now?" I asked.

"Here," he said, throwing me one of his button up shirts. I slipped it on over my undergarments and stood up. He grabbed my hand and led me to the back door. We walked down the steps of the deck and into the yard. The grass felt amazing against my bare feet, but it was too cold outside for my legs to be uncovered. I was about to say something, but I saw where Kennedy had thought that point through. I wonder when he snuck out to set it up, but there was a blanket, some pillows, hot coffee, and a stereo.

"What is all this?" I asked.

"I know everybody thinks I was moping and that I didn't move last week, but I came out and watched the sun rise every single morning. I wondered if it looked the same from where you were. I didn't know you were in Braintree, though," he chuckled to himself. "You were all I thought about."

I didn't want to say that I barely thought about him when I was in Braintree. That was the whole point of going, to forget, so I didn't say anything. He hooked his iphone up to the stereo and turned it on shuffle. I sat down on the blankets and pulled the covers over my legs.

"I wanted to watch the sunrise with you, if that's okay. I want to watch the sunrise with you as much as I can for the rest of my life. I want every moment we have together to be memorable. I want to be someone I am proud of, and I finally am. I am that person because of you. My life changed when I met you. When we walked into that apartment and I saw you for the first time, a part of me knew that we were meant to be together." He was saying all of the right things, and I just wanted him to talk like this forever. I laid my head on my shoulder and kept listening. "And seeing you date Eric was hard for me. I know you loved him. I know a part of you will always love him. That's the curse of first loves," he said, with a sigh.

"Do you still love Gabby?" I asked.

"Honestly, I don't know. I don't know if I ever really did. I thought I did. But it was so easy for me to cheat on her. I could never imagine doing that to you." he shook his head, and thought about it for a minute. "Do you still love Eric?"

Why were we discussing this? I started to feel a little uncomfortable, but I couldn't avoid the question, and I couldn't lie.

"A part of me will always wonder 'What if?', but it's a really tiny part of me. What if I didn't run away from Eric in the park? What if John hadn't gotten Halvo drunk the night he was supposed to meet me? Eric and I were a doomed relationship from the start. Throw in Johns interferences and you get a disaster. That's what we were; a disaster. And John and I, we didn't even date, and he is one of my biggest regrets." I confessed, looking up at the stars. It was a clear night and the sky was breathtaking. "Losing my virginity to someone I didn't love is the worst thing I have ever done. I put on a brave face, but I was a mess for a long time after that happened."

"I know. You didn't fool me. We have been best friends for too long."

"Do you believe that there is one person for everybody?" I asked him.

"Yes. I do," he nodded, confidently.

"Do you?" he asked. I wanted to say yes, because I knew that's what he wanted to hear, but I can't lie to him. It is impossible for me.

"No. There are billions of people on the planet. I don't think that there is one for everybody. Too many people settle for the first person they fall in love with and then later on, they meet someone else they like more. They end up cheating on the first person and blame it on that stupid 'they are the one' theory. The world is a cruel place. People are indecisive. It's just a fact of life."

Kennedy was quiet for a minute or so. I guess that wasn't what he wanted to hear.

"We're going to make it." I said, finally looking at over at him. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I love you too much to hurt you again."

"I love you too much to ever let you go again."

We sat in silence for a while, and I just studied the stars, loving the feeling of being in the arms of the man I loved.

"Do you see that?" I asked, pointing to a constellation I had learned about in one of my astronomy courses.

"The blob of stars?" he asked. I smiled and nodded.

"It's Perseus."

"What did he do?"

"What do you mean what did he do?"

"I'm not into all of that mythology crap. For some reason that I don't understand, you love it."

"It's fascinating." I shrugged.

"Well, what did he do?" he asked again.

"A lot of things. He killed Medusa. Please, tell me you know who that is," he laughed and nodded. "He also freed Andromeda from her father's hold and claimed her as his wife. He did a lot of things."

"Why did her father have a hold on her?"

"It had to do with Queen Cassiopeia saying that she was more beautiful than the sea nymphs. Of course that pissed off Poseidon. He sent one of his sea serpents to wreak havoc, and the only way he would let up is if the king and queen gave their daughter, Andromeda, to the sea serpent. They tied her to a rock on the shore, but Perseus rescued her. Cassiopeia has a constellation too, seen around this time of year, but it's hard to see."

"Who would want to see it anyways? Perseus sounds like a cool mother fucker. She just seems like an ignorant bitch."

"Mythology is amazing."

"Only when you talk about it," he smiled. "You're too smart for me. How did I get so lucky?"

"Oh shut up." I nudged him.

"Make me," he said. So I did.

After I had my fill of kissing him, for the moment anyway, I thought of something.

"Kennedy," I said, after I pulled away.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Why don't we have a song?"

He thought about it for a minute. "We don't have a song. How in the hell do we not have a song?"

"How were we going to get married and not have a song to dance to?" I asked.

"What were we thinking?"

"Obviously, we weren't."

"The next song that comes on, no matter what it is, or how dumb it is, it's our song," he said.

"What if it's, like, I don't know, something really horrible, like 'Shake It?'"

"Well, then we will be some of the only people on the whole planet who's song is sung by a horse. Special."

"Oh, so special," I rolled my eyes. The next song was "Want You" by This Century.

"Oh come on," I sighed. Can we please just pick one. There is no telling what your ipod has on it."

"Well, let's just keep my ipod on shuffle and the first song that speaks to us will be our song," he said, with a kiss to my cheek.

The next song was "Complete" by Austin Gibbs. The second it came on, Kennedy looked at me, and I looked at him. We both just smiled. Our new song. He stood up and grabbed my hand, pulling me up with him. He wrapped his arms around me, resting his head on top of mine, and we danced under the stars. Dancing under the stars turned into making love under the stars. I just really hope we didn't have peeping Toms for neighbors.

How did I get so lucky, you might ask? I was engaged to my best friend. I couldn't ask for more. Don't overlook the best friend. Don't ever overlook the best friend.

/\/\/\/\

My eyes shot open as I felt cold water come in contact with my skin. The sun was blinding and the sprinklers were going off. Kennedy shot up and grabbed the stereo and his ipod. I grabbed the blankets and we ran towards the back porch.

All I can say is thank god we got dressed before we fell asleep, or else Jared and Garrett would have seen me in a whole other light.

"That was not cool," Kennedy said, shaking his wet hair all over Jared.

"We thought it would be funny. That's what you get when you leave your house unlocked." Garrett chuckled.

"Why are you guys here?" Kennedy asked them, setting the stereo down on a chair.

"Well, Nick's supposed to be coming in sometime today with Peyton's car. Thought we could all hang out and then go get dinner or something. You weren't answering your phone."

"My bad," Kennedy shrugged. "I was sleeping." It was then that Garrett looked me up and down, in Kennedy's shirt that barely made it to my thighs.

"Uh huh. Sleeping."

Jared shook his head. "Garrett, shut up. Let's go to Pat's. I haven't kicked your ass in Halo in weeks."

Garrett nodded and they started to walk back to their car. "Just be glad Julia isn't coming. She would kick your ass."

"Well," Kennedy said, looking at me. He started laughing.

"What?" I asked.

"You look cute all wet and frustrated."

"Oh, shut up."

/\/\/\/\/\

Sitting around a giant table with eight of your best friends was one of the little things in life that makes it worthwhile. We were waiting for Nick to get there. He called about two hours ago saying that he was an hour away. We were all starting to get worried, and I had one of those bad feelings. I got them every once in a while, and 9 times out of 10, they were right.

"Something's not right, Kenny." I said. "He should be here by now."

"I'll try to call him again," he said. He pulled out his phone and called him. Nothing.

"What are we going to do?" John Gomez asked.

"I have no idea," Kennedy said. "Just wait, I guess. He'll be here."

Not ten minutes later my phone rang.

"Guys, it's Mama Santino. Everyone shut up," I yelled over the loud table. A silence fell over everyone, and I pressed the accept button.

"Hey Mama Santino!" I greeted, happy that she called me. Happy, that is, until I heard her muffled sobs.

"Nicholas!" was all that understood. The rest came out in indecipherable sounds.

"Wait, slow down. What about Nick?" I asked. It was a twenty minute phone call because she wouldn't slow down, but when I finally understood what she said, I dropped the phone.

"Nick wrecked. He's in the hospital. They called Mama Santino. We need to go." I said, grabbing Kennedy's hand and leading him to the car.

Sitting in the waiting room was hard. All ten of us were on edge, waiting to hear something.

"What about your car?" Pat asked.

"I don't care about my car." I sighed. I stood up and started pacing back and forth. We had been there for two hours. The car wreck was apparently bad. Both Nick and the girl he crashed into were in the ER.

I looked up just in time to see John Ohh, Eric and Justin all walking into the ER. Kennedy saw them too, and he let out a frustrated sigh. John was not someone he wanted to see right now, and neither did I. The doctor finally came out right in time. We wouldn't have to talk to John. All thirteen of us crowded around the doctor, anxious to hear an update.

"I'm sorry," he said.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

I pretty much hate this chapter, I'm not going to lie. I just don't want to rewrite it, because it is my day off and I am about to go and do things =]

I am sorry I left it like that, but don't be sad.

Don't.

Review/Feedback. Always welcome! I love you guys!


	7. Ghost

"I'm sorry," he said. Julia and I both let out gasps, Kennedy started shaking. Every single one of the guys faces fell. "But you are going to have to put up with him for a lot longer. He's going to be fine. They are moving him to ICU."

"Are you kidding me?" I said. I wasn't one to make a scene, but really?

"A little doctor humor, I guess. It's never funny, but we do it anyway," he chuckled.

"Haha, that was so funny. When do we get to see him?" John Ohh asked. I finally let myself look over at him. California agreed with him. He looked better than he had in a long time. He was letting his hair grow back out. His hair looked good any length, I suppose.

What was I thinking? Stop it, Peyton.

"You can see him now, if you wish. He's not very talkative. He's mostly whiney."

"Well, I am sure he gets the right to be whiney. He was in a major car crash. It was on the news and everything," Eric chimed in. I looked over at him now. I hadn't seen him in a long time. He didn't come to our wedding. Maybe it would have been too hard for him, I don't know. He was growing his hair back out too. I loved his hair long. He was starting to bulk up, leaving the scrawny kid I fell in love with behind.

Lastly, I studied Justin. His hair was shorter than it had been the last time I saw him, many months ago. He looked the same. He looked more relieved than anyone else. He had a big heart, and that was one of the things I loved about him.

All of my "what if's" were swimming through my brain, but they all drowned when Kennedy squeezed my hand and started leading us to go see Nick.

I froze outside of the room and looked over at Justin, who froze next to me. This was the room my dad was in. The room Justin and I had our first kiss in. Of course it was. I shook my head and walked over the threshold.

Nick looked terrible. He was awake, which was a good sign. His tiny body was swallowed by the bed and masses of machines helping him recover. It broke my heart. He was one of my best friends.

"Peyton," he said, rather hoarsely. I stepped forward and grabbed his hand gently.

"I am so sorry about your car," he said.

"Car? Screw my car, Nick. I am just glad you are okay."

"Shit," he said, slowly looking around the room. "Everyone is here."

"You mean a lot to a lot of people," I said, sitting on the edge of his bed.

"How is the person I hit?" he asked.

"We haven't heard anything about her," I said, looking around at everybody, in case any of them knew. Nobody spoke up.

"I can go ask," Justin offered.

"Please," Nick nodded.

"Do you hurt?" Kennedy Stephen asked.

"Nope. I can't feel a damn thing." Nick answered.

We asked him things about the wreck, and he answered them all, but I could tell he was getting annoyed. He was staring at the girl he ran into for a moment too long and when he looked up, the car in front of him was stopped. He swerved one way and almost hit an eighteen wheeler, so he swerved the other way, into the girls' car and both cars ended up flipping.

Tough break on both of them.

"She's going to be okay, Nick." Justin said, giving us the report on the other girl. Nick sighed in relief and relaxed again.

"What is this, a party?" a nurse asked as she came in. "There are too many people in here. Half of you need to leave."

"I'm tired anyways, you guys. I don't need all of you in here babying me." Nick smiled, and then everyone started saying their goodbyes. I kissed his cheek and was almost out of the door, until I heard him call my name. I turned around and walked back towards the bed.

"Can you call my mom and tell her that I'm going to be okay?" he asked.

"Sure, but I can guarantee that she would rather hear from you." I said, pulling out my cell phone. Yeah, I know, you aren't supposed to have cell phones in the hospital. Sew me. I am a rebel.

All I could hear was Mama Santino's frantic cries in the background. Nick kept trying to get a word in, but he gave up, and just listened to her. He teared up listening to what she had to say, and I teared up, because their relationship was so beautiful.

"I love you, mom." He finally said. He hung up and handed me my phone. "If you tell any of the guys that I cried, I will never talk to you again."

"I promise, your secret is safe with me." I told him, sliding my phone into my back pocket.

"So. You and Kennedy are okay now?" he asked, pointing to the giant rock on my left hand. I nodded and showed him my ring.

"Damn, I did a fine job picking that sucker out, didn't I?" he asked. I looked at him, confusion written all over my face. He just chuckled.

"Just kidding. He did a better job than I would have. I am horrible at that shit. Hope I never get all blissed out on love. You guys are sickening."

"I hope you do get blissed out on love. You deserve it."

"One day," he said, with a shrug.

"I love you, Nicholas Bernard Santino. Get some sleep. I'll be back by later tonight to check on you."

"Love you too," he yawned, already closing his eyes.

/\/\/\/\/\

The second I stepped into the waiting room, my whole world was flip flopped around. There were security guards and copious amounts of people trying to pull them away from each other. There was no blood, thank god, but I imagine there would be if this went on any longer.

"ENOUGH," I yelled, pushing through people to try to reach them.

"Don't you EVER talk about her like that again," Kennedy yelled, lunging at John.

"Or you'll what, Brock?" John spat back, trying to break free from the security guard and Garrett's hold.

"She's not a possession, you asshole," Kennedy growled.

"Enough," I said again, shaking my head from side to side, the annoyance I felt clearly showing on my face. "Is it so hard to put the past in the past? You," I said, looking at John, "need to get over it. I am engaged to Kennedy, and if you try to break us up again, I will cause you bodily harm so immense, you will need surgery to fix it. And you," I said looking at Kennedy, "need to stop jumping all over everybody. Like you said, I'm not a possession. Stop treating me like one. I can take care of myself. And you," I said, looking at Julia, "Are taking me to your house. Right now," and with that I turned on my heel and exited the hospital like a bad ass mother fucker. I pulled my sunglasses from their perched position on top of my head down so they rested on the bridge of my nose. I was over this. These boys needed to act like they were 22, not 12.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Daisy!" I said, scooping the hyper pug up and letting her kiss all over my face. The love I had for this dog was unreal. After I had given her enough of my attention, I set her down and walked into the kitchen for something to eat. It wasn't my house, but Julia always had the good snacks. You know, the really fattening ones that I could never bring myself to buy. "Jackpot," I whispered, smiling like a kid on Christmas morning. I had found the fudge rounds. All was right in the world. I opened the wrapper before I even left the pantry, stuffing a part of the glorious snack cake into my mouth. I turned around and came face to face with Julia.

"Raiding my snacks?" she asked.

"No," I said, talking with my mouth full. A few crumbs fell out of my mouth and Daisy was swift to lick them up.

"If my dog gets sick, you are taking care of her," she said, grabbing a fudge round and tearing open the plastic wrapper. I hopped up on the counter and continued to shove the Fudge Round into my mouth. I looked very lady like, as you could imagine.

Jared and Pat came into the kitchen not two minutes later, and watched both Julia and I shoved Fudge Rounds into our mouths.

"Where do they put it?" Jared asked Pat.

"Have you seen the size of Peyton's feet? That's where hers goes. And Julia's," Pat said thinking, "definitely her boobs."

"Stop talking about my boobs," Julia said, opening another package and pulling the sweet treat out.

"Talk about her boobs all you want, stop making fun of my giant feet," I said, faking hurt.

"They are huge," Pat shrugged.

"Like your ears?" I asked.

"Ouch. Touché. Julia, mind if we play Halo?"

"As long as I can play!" she said, shoving the WHOLE Fudge Round into her mouth, racing off after them. It was just me and Daisy.

"Come on, girl," I said, patting my leg to get her to follow me. I opened the back door and we escaped outside, away from the competitive smack talk happening in Julia's living room. I sat down on the porch swing and pulled Daisy into my lap. She snuggled comfortably into me and fell asleep within minutes.

I was left out here alone with a dog and my thoughts. My thoughts were getting out of control and I needed to sort through them. The way Kennedy keeps trying to defend me, although it is sweet of him, I don't expect him to every time. I am 22 years old. I can fight my own battles. Sometimes I want to fight my own battles. That's the kind of person I am

I have no idea what John said, but I'm sure it was something tasteless. It was more than likely something he shouldn't have said, and that made me wish that he was back in California already.

It was nice to see Justin and Halvo. A little awkward maybe, but they were my friends. No matter what has happened in the past, they would always be my friends. I haven't taken the time to call either of them and see how they were doing.

I was that friend. We all have one. That one friend that makes the relationship one-sided. The one that doesn't call or check in. That was me. I was that person. I was horrible.

I needed to turn things around, with everyone. I barely talked to John Gomez anymore either. He was my savior when I went on the tour with the guys.

I guess I have been so wrapped in Kennedy for a year, that everyone else seemed to take the backseat, and I hated that.

My thoughts were interrupted when a silver Honda Civic pulled into Julia's driveway. I looked at my watch. He lasted a whole hour. It was longer than I thought he would last. He walked up the porch steps and sat down next to me on the swing. He didn't say anything.

"What did John say?" I asked.

"It doesn't matter," Kennedy shrugged. "You have to know that I can't just sit back and watch when I need to defend you. I can't do that," he shook his head, staring at something off in the distance. "I'm not that kind of person. I love you, Peyton, but when John tried to start shit, I had to fight back. I'm not letting him ruin us again."

"He won't. Thank you, Kennedy. I didn't mean what I said at the hospital. I love that you want to defend me. I just think that sometimes you should let me defend my own honor. I just think that two grown men can solve things without pushing and shoving."

"I'm sure we could. I just really want to strangle him sometimes."

"I know. Everyone does."

"We have been best friends for a long time. It's just that you are the first girl we've ever both liked. He's not going to give up on you. I can promise you that. It's almost like a competition to him."

"A competition. John and I knew each other back in middle school. We went to the same camp. We were best friends. We have grown up since then, and I just don't like him in any way other than friends. I am not most girls, Kennedy. I am sure that I can resist his charm. I'm too caught up in all of your charm to even pay attention to him." I said, kissing his cheek. He looked at me and smiled and then kissed me softly.

"I guess I feel a little better," he said, throwing his arm around my shoulders.

"Just because John is in town doesn't mean that he's going to tear us apart. We have made it through a lot. We will spend the rest of our lives overcoming obstacles. That's the way it goes."

"Ready to come home?" he asked.

"No. I miss Daisy. And I miss Julia and Garrett and Jared and Pat. Can we stay for a little while? Let them own me at some Halo?"

"Anything you want," he smiled, planting a kiss to my neck.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"And what are we going to do about Peyton's car?" I heard as I was walking into Nick's hospital room.

"Nothing. You are going to do nothing about my car. It's just a hunk of metal. Come here," I smiled at Mama Santino, pulling her into a giant hug.

"We have to do something. It was Nicholas' fault that you are car-less. Kennedy!" she said, clearly excited to see him. She kissed both of his cheeks and pulled him in for a hug.

"Why are you boys so skinny? I don't get it," she shook her head, sitting back down on the chair.

"You got here fast," I said, sitting down on the side of Nick's hospital bed.

"She got some man kicked off of the already overbooked flight and took her seat. What can I say? She loves me."

"Don't we all," I smiled.

"Andrew's flight should be here in a few hours. I couldn't get someone else kicked off for him," she shrugged, picking up her knitting project again. "Lord knows, I tried."

"Aw, I can't wait to see Andrew!" I said, looking at Nick. He looked better than he did earlier, but I knew it was because his mom was here.

"Since you are marrying Kennedy," Mama Santino sighed, "I have a new girl for Nick."

"Oh really?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. Nick just grinned, and let his mom go on.

"The girl he hit. She is 21, in school. She is gorgeous. Her name is Sophia. I check on her every hour."

"I am hurt that you've moved on so quickly!" I said, giving Nick a stern look.

"You know how I do," he played along.

"I remember when Nick came home the first time after meeting you. He had such a crush," she said, not looking up from her knitting.

"Ma, could you not?" he asked. Both Kennedy and I chuckled. Nick looked at me and smiled. "Now that's gross. You're like my sister."

"And I love it that way," I said, kissing his cheek. "Sorry we could only stay a few minutes. We'll be back tomorrow. How long are you in town for?" I asked Mama Santino.

"Who knows? I am here until Nicholas is better."

"I will see you tomorrow then," I said, kissing her cheek too.

I grabbed Kennedy's hand, and led him through the hallway. We took the stairs, because he knew how scare I was of elevators. We were about to walk out of the entrance, when a young child crying caught my attention. She had nobody with her. Where were her parents? She appeared to be around two or three years old. I squatted down in front of her, trying to get her attention. When she finally looked at me, all I could do was gasp. It was like I was looking at Kennedy. They had the same eyes, the same color hair. The same everything.

"Are you lost?" I asked her. She was too young to really understand what I was asking. She stuck her thumb in her mouth and started sucking. I stood up and looked at Kennedy, who was just staring at the little girl. He must have thought she resembled him too. It was so weird.

Then both of our worlds got a little shaken up as Gabby stepped into the room. Her face fell and her eyes shot straight to the little girl in front of me.

World, could you cooperate with me, just once?

Just once?


	8. Cut Me Off

"Just don't, Kennedy," Gabby said, picking up the small child. There was no DNA test needed. This child was Kennedy's. She started walking away, as fast as she could. Kennedy's long strides were no match for hers, and he fell into step with her.

"How could you not tell me?" he asked, clearly ignoring her last comment. I didn't know what I wanted to happen. I wanted us to have walked into the waiting room a minute or two later and missed Gabby completely.

I know it was wrong of me, but Kennedy and I were doing so well. Things were back to how they should be.

The fact that Kennedy had a child on this Earth for three years was an alien concept to me. He was Kennedy. He was my fiancé. He was… well, he was the best part of me. We were supposed to have kids. We were supposed to have the happy family. Me and Kennedy, not Kennedy and Gabby.

I followed them outside, but kept my distance. I didn't want to interrupt. I took this time to study Gabby. She was gorgeous. She was Kennedy's first love, and like he said, first loves never die. As they turned and faced each other, their muffled tones inaudible, my heart broke for that three year old. She had no idea what was happening, and why some strange man was talking to her mom. She didn't know that strange man was her father. She stood between them, looking back and forth as their conversation progressed. She lost interest really fast and started wandering away to find something else more interesting.

"Olivia, stay close to mommy, please," Gabby said, stopping their discussion for a brief moment. She looked like an Olivia. Kennedy watched her wander her way over to me. He looked tired, and hurt, and I guess I couldn't blame him.

"I'll keep an eye on her," I said, loud enough to where they could hear me. Olivia, dressed in a turquoise jumper, walked right up to me and held out her hand. I had no idea what I was supposed to do with it. So I gave her a high five. She let out a little melodious laugh, and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"Hi," she said. Well, this kid wasn't shy, just like her father.

"Hello," I said. She sat down next to me and kicked her feet, her brown suede boots making a steady rhythm on the concrete. "My name is Peyton."

I didn't know how to talk to kids. I avoided them at all costs. I was sure I would like my own, when that time came, but other peoples kids, forget it.

"I'm Olivia and I'm three," she said, holding up four fingers. I smiled and put one of her fingers back down.

"Oops," she said, giggling again. "When I grow up, I want to be a shark."

"I know just the person who could help you with that career," I snickered to myself, thinking of no one other than Justin.

"I also want a pony," she said.

"Wait a few years. Trace Cyrus will have offspring," I said, and then wondered what the hell I was doing. She didn't understand a thing I was saying, I was just having fun talking to a three year old.

"What is 'offspring?'" she asked, her head cocked to the side in curiosity.

"Oh, um," I thought. "You know, like babies."

"Oh," she nodded, stood up and started to spin, her brown curls flowing freely in the wind.

She was smart for her age. Most three year olds were still learning how to piece sentences together, staring at Barney, and picking boogers.

Olivia was, perhaps, one of the most charming kids I have ever met. She was easy to love, just like her father. I looked back at Kennedy, who had his arms wrapped around a tearful Gabby. I sighed and looked at Olivia. This child had just changed everyone's life drastically, and she didn't even know it.

/\/\/\/\

"And she just went on and on about how she just knew I couldn't handle it. How the band was all that mattered to me. What does she know? She didn't even give me a chance. She hid my daughter, a whole human being, from me for three years. For three fucking years, a little piece of me was crawling around, learning to walk and talk, and I didn't have the option to be a part of it or not," he was gripping the steering wheel so hard, his knuckles were white. "AND," he continued, "She said that she doesn't think it would be a good idea for me to start trying to be a dad now. Can you believe that?"

"Kennedy," I said, trying to find the right words, "For whatever reasons she has, she was trying to do what was best for her daughter." He opened his mouth to interject, but I wouldn't let him. "I'm not saying that it was the right thing, but for whatever reason, SHE thought it was right. I just think you need to give her a little while to figure it all out."

"She's had three years to figure it out. I have only known that I had a kid for," he looked at his watch, "Oh, about two hours."

Yes. Olivia and I bonded for two whole hours. I didn't know if that was good or not. Her charm was so infectious and genuine; it was hard not to fall head over heels for the kid.

"I know it's a lot to swallow, but you're going to make it through this. We're going to make it through this," I said, grabbing his hand off of the steering wheel and lacing my fingers with his. I felt his tension slowly release as he started to calm down.

"I'm sorry," he said, as we pulled into our driveway. "I haven't even thought about how this must be affecting you."

"This really has nothing to do with me, Kenny."

"It has a lot to do with you. You're going to be my wife in a matter of a few months, and if Gabby decides to let me see Olivia, then you will be her step-mother. I need to know that that's going to be okay with you."

"Of course it is. I just…"

"You wanted a family of our own. We can still have that. Olivia will be a part of it."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I smiled, thinking of the three year old that had quickly captured my heart.

/\/\/\/\

I paced back and forth, my feet lightly padding on the hardwood floors, waiting for Kennedy to get home. He went to meet Gabby that morning, to discuss their daughter. I was nervous. He wanted to do the right thing; he wanted to be a dad. I just hoped Gabby would let him.

Three hours later, Kennedy came sauntering down the hallway. He didn't look very enthused on life. I guess things took a turn for the worse.

"She's not letting you have any contact with Olivia?" I asked, covering my mouth my hands. I meant to let him speak first. Way to go. He looked up from his gaze at the floor and stopped walking. He stuck his hands in his pockets, and that was never a good sign.

"She is."

"Baby, that's great!" I said, bounding towards him to give him a hug. His body went stiff, and the hug was not reciprocated. "What's wrong?" I asked, releasing him from my hold.

"Nothing. I just have to go through a lot of court dates and lawyers to even consider having joint custody of her. It just seems like a lot of hoops to jump through. Why can't things be easy?" he asked, expecting me to have the answer.

"It will be worth it. She's really a great kid."

"I haven't really gotten the chance to meet her, formally. Every time I meet with Gabby, she's alone."

"You have the rest of your lives to get to know each other," I said, trying to cheer him up. "She's going to love you. Your personalities are so similar, it's uncanny."

He smiled. "Thank you for being so great with all of this. You really are the only thing keeping me calm right now. I have so much going on, and I am glad you are with me. I would be lost without you."

"No, you wouldn't be." I kissed him softly. "You're a good man, Kennedy Brock."

/\/\/\/\

"And then there was a big bowl of ice cream and I shared it with Nutters and mommy yelled at me," Olivia was telling everyone a story about what happened this morning. Gabby and Kennedy had a meeting with a lawyer to try to get the whole custody thing under control. Gabby was giving him equal custody, and for that, I was grateful. Peyton was babysitting. Testing out the whole, "I am going to be your step-mother," thing. It was weird. I wasn't going to lie.

"Who is Nutters?" Nick asked. Olivia had taken a strong liking to Nick, and was sitting on the side of his bed, brushing his hair with her Hello Kitty comb.

"My kitty," she answered, with a huge smile on her face.

"This kid is incredible. She's so smart. All Nick did when he was three was sit like a lump, and make messes in his diapers."

"You wore diapers when you were three?" Olivia gawked at him.

"He wore diapers until he was five."

"Ma!"

"Preschool was hell."

"Oooo, you said a bad word." Olivia said, pointing at Mama Santino.

"Mama Santino! Language!" I said, happy that the tables had turned. She just shook her head and continued knitting.

"Can I meet Nutters one day?" Nick asked Olivia. Her beaming smile lit up the room, and she nodded over and over again.

"When are you going to stop hurting?" she asked him, looking at the morphine drip they still had set up for Nick. It was his fourth day in the hospital.

"Well, the doctors said that I may get to go home tomorrow. If I am good."

"Are you going to be good?" she asked, sitting up on her knees and giving him all of her attention.

"Of course I am. I want to get out of this silly looking dress," he said. She giggled started brushing his hair again.

"Are you sure she's Kennedy's?" Nick asked. "She's too smart to be his."

"You need a haircut," she said, shaking her head from side to side. "Can I cut it?" she asked, getting excited.

"And on that note, we should probably let Nick rest so that he can get out of here tomorrow."

"So that he can see Nutters?" she asked me, standing up on the bed and holding her arms out for me to pick her up.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world, kid," he winked at her.

"Nicholas needs to give me grandchildren," Mama Santino said, not even bothering to look up from her knitting.

"Ma, shhhh," he sighed, and then he looked at me. "I have a date tomorrow night."

"No way! Mama Santino's magic finally work?" I asked.

"Apparently. Sophia and I are going out to dinner tomorrow night."

"Can I come?" Olivia asked. "Nutters and I want basketti!"

"Spaghetti," I corrected her, and then gave Nick a high five.

"Hop on it, Nicholas! Bout damn time!"

"Oooo, Peyton," Olivia pointed at me.

"Peyton! Language!" Mama Santino smiled smugly.

"My bad," I laughed and let Olivia tell Nick and Mama Santino goodbye.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"It's like a trail run kind of thing. Gabby is hesitant about it, but I finally talked her into it. I get Olivia three days a week for the next two months. We decide from there if it is working, and if I am a fit parent." Kennedy said, unloading the groceries from the bag.

"Do we have her tomorrow?" I asked.

"Why?"

"Because she and Nick have plans," I laughed.

"It actually starts tonight. Gabby is bringing her over. I know this is really hard on her. She kept her a secret for a reason, and now that I know about her, I don't know. I feel bad, because Gabby has to sacrifice her time with Olivia so that I can spend some time with her."

"She's your daughter too," I said.

"I know, I know."

Gabby didn't take to me too well. We only met briefly, but she wasn't the nicest person in the world. I just let myself think it was because she was going through all of this, and the fact that I, potentially, may help raise her daughter.

The small taps on the glass window made me giggle, as Olivia smushed her face onto it, distorting it in every way she could think of.

"I'll have to Windex that tomorrow," I chuckled and opened the side door. She bounced in the house, gave me a hug and then ran straight for Kennedy, not slowing down at all. She jumped full speed onto him, and he caught her with ease.

"Hi," she said, smiling that million dollar smile.

"Hey," he said, kissing her cheek.

"Ouch!" she said, putting her hand to his stubble. "That hurts. You need to cut it off."

"But I like it," he fake whined. She ran her hands over it one more time and then shook her head. "It has to go, daddy."

Just like that, in a matter of a few days, he was daddy. He smiled and set her down, looking over at me. He didn't have to say anything, I already knew. It was one of the proudest moments of his life.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

Kids were a lot of work, and that was an understatement. The next morning, we decided it was time for all of the boys to meet little miss Olivia. As you can imagine, everyone instantly loved her.

"Uncle John, what does that say?" she asked, pointing to one of his tattoos.

"It says, 'Olivia is the queen of the world.' That's what it says." She smiled and shook her head. "No it doesn't. I know what my name looks like."

"It says 'We all have been degraded. We all will be the greatest.'"

"Hm," she said, sitting down on his lap.

"What's your first tattoo going to be?" he asked her.

"A pink unicorn," she said. "With rainbows."

"I like it," he said, giving her a high-five.

"Don't encourage the tattoos, John." Kennedy sighed.

"You have one though, daddy," she said, pointing to his wrist.

"Everyone but Pat has one."

She hopped off of John's lap and onto pats and started playing with his hair. They were all really comfortable with Olivia, thank god. They would all make great dads one day.

"When is Nick coming?" she asked, eyeing the door.

"Right now," he said, slowly limping, with the help of Mama Santino and Andrew, into the living room.

"He wouldn't let me take him anywhere until he came by to see Olivia," Mama Santino said.

"Nick!" she yelled, jumping down and running across the room.

"Easy, Olivia!" I said, and she stopped running, and gently gave him a hug.

The rest of the day was filled with games, dress up, [imagine John Ohh in a skirt] and tea parties.

This little girl had a room full of uncles wrapped around her finger, and believe me, I think she knew it.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Here that?" Kennedy asked. I listened intently, but caught nothing.

"No?"

"Silence," he said, pulling me close to him. Olivia had spent her three days with us, and to our amazement, she had no homesickness. She made herself at home, and that was all we really wanted. Our lives had changed so much in the past week, and we were just now starting to catch our breath.

"Gabby wants to see me tomorrow. She said she has something important to talk about."

"Maybe it's just finalizing the details of the custody stuff." I shrugged, rubbing lotion down my arms, getting ready for bed.

"I guess I'll find out tomorrow." He shrugged.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

He couldn't even do it in person. He took the cowards way out, he called me. We had one good week together, Kennedy and I.

One week.

Now we had nothing. I set the last box down, wiping my brow of sweat that was collecting there. Jared wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close, letting me use his shirt as my own personal snot rag.

"_Hey baby," I answered the phone call like I always did, only this time, the endearing term wasn't returned._

"_This is hard for me to say," his ragged, shaky voice informed me._

"_Kennedy what happened? Did she change her mind and not give you custody?" I asked, panic clearly evident in my tone._

"_No. I have full custody."_

"_Kennedy, that's great!" I said, and then I thought about it. "Wait, why do you have full custo-"_

"_I'm so sorry," he whispered._

"_Kennedy, what is going on?" I demanded._

"_The only way she would give me any kind of custody is if," he paused._

"_Is if what?" I asked._

"_Peyton, she threatened that I would never get to see Olivia ever again."_

"_Kennedy, what did she do?" I practically screamed into the phone, tears stinging my eyes._

"_She wants us to be a family. Not a screwed up, all over the place family. A real family."_

"_I don't understand," I said, trying to grasp what he was telling me._

"_In order for me to keep seeing Olivia, Gabby wants us to try," he stopped, taking a deep breath, trying to gather the words._

"_Gabby wants you to try being together again," I finished for him, finally catching on._

"_She was going to take Olivia away from me," he said, and I could hear him quietly sobbing. It was nothing compared to the sobbing happening on my end of the phone call. I couldn't breathe. Kennedy and I had one good week together, and now it was over._

"Thanks Jared," I said, sucking back my tears, and putting on a brave face. I was moving into Kennedy and John's old place with Pat and Jared. I couldn't move back in with my dad, I refused. I loved him dearly, but I am 22 years old. I needed to start living my life for me. Not for a boy, not for my dad, not for my friends, for me.

And I was starting by unpacking all of my belongings, drowning myself in a bottle of wine. Then a bottle of vodka, and if I am still not passed out, a bottle of tequila.

The old Peyton was dead. Kennedy killed her, and she would more than likely never return.

I was okay with that. Did I have any other choice but to be okay with that? You tell me, because I was done listening to what I had to say.

I was done listening to anything anyone had to say.


	9. If Only They Knew

It had been about a month since Kennedy and I had parted ways. I ignored his calls, I deleted his texts before I read them. If he stopped by our house, I locked myself in my room. Was I being childish?

Sure, I was. Did I really care that I was being childish? No sir, I did not.

As the whole top half of my body was literally inside of the refrigerator looking for something to eat, someone came up behind me, and as they spoke up, a very loud "Hey," I hit my head on the top of the fridge, letting out a long stream of curses.

"I shouldn't have said anything, I was enjoying the view." John spoke up.

"Stop being an ass," I said, rubbing the top of my head.

"Well, you have a very nice one," he said, sitting down on the stool and resting his arms on the counter in front of him.

"Recording room is downstairs, or had you forgotten?" I asked, drinking the orange juice straight out of the carton.

"No, I know where it is. I'm just checking on you."

"And? How do I seem today? Fine? Like I am everyday you check on me."

"Chill, I have only been back in town for a few days. It's not like I come over every single day to check on you."

"Oh right. When you don't come over you just call me at 8 o'clock in the morning. Stop checking on me, I promise you, I am fine."

"Jesus, why do I forget everyday that you've turned into a bitch?"

"I don't know, John. Why do you forget? Stop calling me at 8 in the damn morning," I said, slamming the orange juice back in the refrigerator. I loved acting like I was mad with John. He always bought it. I kissed his cheek as I passed him. "Thanks for caring," I smiled and retired to my room. Kennedy would be arriving soon and seeing him right now was the last thing I wanted to happen. I threw on some clothes, not bothering to shower, because let's face it, who was I trying to impress? The fact that I still didn't have a car was just a little afterthought to add to my shitty life.

"Hey Jared, can I borrow your car?" I asked, hopping out of my room, trying to put one of my Toms on. I lost my balance and started to fall forward, but my fall was broken by two arms shooting out to catch me.

"Easy," he said, not bothering to stand me back up. I just kind of dangled in his arms, staring at his stupid shoes, that housed his stupid feet, attached to his stupid legs, that were attached to his stupid hips, that were attached to his stupid torso, and his stupid chest, and his stupid collar bones and stupid shoulders which were attached to his stupid neck that held his stupid head with his stupid face and his stupid brown eyes and his stupid mouth that I had kissed a thousand times that housed that stupidly cute gap in his front teeth. His stupid fake name kept repeating over and over and over again in my head. Stupid Kennedy Brock.

He finally up righted me and I looked at him for the first time in a month. My heart just about leapt through my throat. Why did he have to be one of the most beautiful men in the world? Why did he still have to have possession of my heart?

"Hi," he said, scratching the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. Well, that made two of us. I looked up at him, and didn't feel obligated to say "hi," back.

"Jared!" I yelled, walking away from Kennedy, and trying to locate the red head that had the keys to the car that was going to get me away from Kennedy Brock.

"What?" he yelled from the basement.

"Keys. I'm taking Lucy!" I yelled downstairs.

"On the counter!" he yelled back.

"Peyton," Kennedy whispered, coming up behind me.

"Don't." I said, grabbing Jared's keys and turning around. Kennedy put his arms on both sides of me, trapping me between the counter and his body.

"Oh god, Kennedy, what? What do you want from me?" I asked, trying to keep my emotions in check.

"I have called you every single day for the past month," he whispered, staring straight into my eyes.

"And?" I asked, "What Kennedy? Am I just supposed to answer the phone and carry on a conversation like nothing happened? Am I supposed to just-"

"Damn it, Peyton," he said, forcefully mashing his lips to mine. I shoved against his chest and pushed him away from.

"You have no right to march into MY house and just-"but he kissed me again, this time, it was softer and less forceful, but it was still unwanted. I pushed him away a second time.

"Don't ever do that again." I said, wiping my mouth. "You're with Gabby. Act like it." I spat out, grabbing my bag and slinging over my shoulder, I ran out of the house and climbed into Jared's car. I slammed it into reverse and just drove. I had no agenda or plans today, just to stay away from Kennedy.

I ended up at the bookstore. I couldn't help it. Books were just something I cared too much about. Since I had taken this semester of school, a bad judgment call on my part, I needed to keep my brain fed. As I was browsing the fiction section, my body collided with another, again, only this time, my coffee spilled down the front of my shirt.

"Oh, I am so sorry," he said, turning around.

I looked up and saw the Seth Cohen look alike, again.

"We have to stop meeting like this," Ben said, eyeing the coffee dripping from my shirt onto the floor.

"We have to stop meeting at all," I said, sitting my cup of coffee on the shelf and trying to ring out my shirt.

"Ouch," he said, putting his hand over his heart. "I tried to get in touch after you stormed out of our gig, but I couldn't fine 'stuck up bitch who bolts without saying goodbye' in the phonebook. Could I maybe have a contact number for you, so when you run away next time, so that I can at least make sure you're okay."

"Sure, it's 1-800-fuckoff."

"Oh, an 800 number, nice," he winked. I couldn't help but smile.

"Let me buy you a new shirt," he said, "We have the whole mall."

"You're not buying me a new shirt," I said, still trying to ring out the coffee.

"Hot Topic's right next door. I can buy you a nice band shirt."

"Do they sell WAD shirts?" I asked with a smile.

"Oh tons," he replied, sarcastically. "Actually, we sell so many, they might be sold out. Might have to settle on someone a little less know, like 'The Maine," he joked.

"I have plenty of their shirts, thanks much," I said. "Fine, I don't want to walk around with coffee all over my shirt all day," I sighed, defeated. "But I don't want to go to Hot Topic, I'd rather sit here and read. If you picked one out for me, I would be eternally grateful."

His eyebrows shot up and I could practically hear the gears in his head turning.

"Okay, just no, like, Justin Beaver or Lady Gaga shirts, be nice. Please." I pleaded. "You ruined my favorite 'Death Cab for Cutie' shirt," I said, motioning to the coffee stained shirt I was wearing now.

"So, here I am buying you clothes. Does that mean you will let me take you out to dinner tonight?" he asked.

"I have plans tonight," I said, still browsing for a good book.

"Oh," he sounded sad. "I heard about Kennedy," he said, lightening his tone, and placing his hand on my shoulder. I froze and turned around.

"How did you.." I trailed off, thinking.

"Have you picked up the latest issue of AP?" he asked. "They did a whole section on musicians and their families. He just so happened to be in there. He talks about you a lot."

"I'm sure Gabby loved that," I sighed.

"Well, I'll be right back," he said, heading towards Hot Topic. I nodded and opened my book, but I couldn't concentrate. A part of me, a large part of me, wanted to go to the magazine section and pick up the latest issue of Alternative Press. The other part of me, well it wanted to burn every copy they had. I sat there; debating for about five minutes, but Ben came back before I could choose which option I wanted to do.

"Here," he said, throwing the bag at me. I was scared to open it.

"Hope you like classic rock," was all he said. Thank god. I opened the bag and pulled out a Def Leppard t-shirt. I shot up and threw my arms around him.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" I said.

"Jesus, most girls would have told me to take it back and get them a Ke$ha shirt, but you are not most girls." I just smiled, studying the shirt.

"I'm going to go put it on," I said as I started walking towards the bathroom.

"Does this mean you are going to have dinner with me?" he called out after me. I shrugged and kept walking, a smile plastered on my face.

Ben was one of those guys that could cheer you up without trying. Dinner with him could be a good thing. I wasn't looking to start anything. It had only been a month since Kennedy and I parted ways, but I could use some friends outside of The Maine and The Summer Set. I could use a friend that wasn't associated with them. I could use Ben.

Ben and I hung out the whole day, not really doing much of anything but walking around downtown Phoenix. He had lived here his whole life, like me. I only spent a few summers away in Alabama with my mom. I took him to a record store he had never been to and he took me to a secondhand shop I had never been to. Ben was an interesting person. He was kind and witty. He had a comeback to everything, and he always listened to what I had to say. I had no choice but to go to dinner with him tonight.

So when he asked me for the fifth time, I said yes.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

When I arrived home to change my clothes, someone was in my room, playing with my computer. I was pretty sure she wasn't supposed to be.

"Olivia," I said, plopping down on my bed, "Are you supposed to be playing with that?" I asked.

"Daddy said I could play in your room."

"Oh, did he?" I asked. She stopped messing with my laptop and ran to give me a hug. The only bad thing about avoided Kennedy was that I also avoided the sweetest girl in the whole world.

"Are you okay, Peyton?" she asked. "Daddy told me you have been sad."

"I am okay," I assured her. "I have to get ready to go out tonight, though."

"Who are you going out with?" she asked.

"Just a friend," I said, standing up and walking to my closet.

"A _boy _friend?" she asked. I laughed and nodded.

"PEYTON'S GOT A BOYFRIEND," she shouted, running out of my room. Oops. I ran to my door and locked it before anyone had a chance to come in. I stood in front of my closet and debated on what to wear. I didn't want to wear anything that even remotely said, "Hey, let's be more than just friends." That wasn't what I wanted, at all. I settled on black skinny jeans and a floral top. That kept things in the "friends" zone, didn't it?

I grabbed my bag and Jared's keys and opened my door and came face to face with a very angry looking John.

"Yo," I said, trying to slide past him.

"Who are you going out with?" John asked.

"You don't know him." I shrugged, still trying to get past him.

"Yeah, well I don't know Peyton. How long have you known him?" he asked, still not moving.

"Okay, dad. You worry too much. He's not an axe murderer. His name is Ben. I met him at the bookstore a while back."

"Ben's a lame name."

"And John isn't?" I asked, still trying to skirt around him.

"I worry about you, you know that," he sighed. I smiled and kissed his cheek.

"I know. I will be fine."

"Don't go," he said in a whisper. I looked into his eyes and saw something there that I recognized. Fear, hurt, longing. I had hurt John a time or two, but he hurt me more.

"I'm going," I said, adjusting my bag around my shoulder.

"I love you," he said, and in that moment of his vulnerability, I felt vulnerable as well. I couldn't tell you why, but those three words, were something that I wanted to hear. Something that I needed to hear. It meant that someone still wanted me, someone still cared about me.

I usually wasn't this girl, the one that needed to be reassured, but the old Peyton had died, and the new Peyton, she wanted to feel wanted. It was a weakness I would never admit out loud, but when John said that he loved me, my reaction was so automatic, it scared me.

I wrapped my arms around the back of his neck, bringing my lips up to meet his and pulled him into my room, kicking the door shut. It took both of us by surprise, but neither of us questioned it. We knew it was wrong, nothing good could come of this. I didn't love John, and I don't know if I ever could. If this ever got back to Kennedy, he would hate both of us forever, and that should have made me stop planting tiny kisses down John's shoulder. I didn't care if Kennedy hated me, because I hated him enough already. I began to question myself. Was I doing this to get back at Kennedy, or to hurt him? I didn't know right now, the sight of John's half naked body was clouding my already foggy judgment. I didn't want to break up the band. I would be hated by people all over the world. One would think that would have stopped me from unbuttoning John's pants.

It wasn't. There was no turning back. As he hovered on top of me, he was hesitant, clearly thinking of the consequences that would arise from this. He couldn't back out now, I needed this. So I grabbed a hold of his dog tag and pulled his face towards mine again, sealing the deal.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Where do you want to go?" Ben asked me, pulling out of my driveway. I watched John watching us leave from the porch. He looked hurt, and well, I didn't blame him. Sleeping with John was one of the worst possible things I could have done, and I knew that before I even did it. He was in love with me, and I just used him.

We were still in bed when Ben knocked on the front door. I had to scrounge around on the floor for my clothes. I didn't even have time to fix my hair, so I was pretty sure I had sex hair.

"I don't know," I said, finally able to think now that John was out of my view. "Anywhere,"

"You aren't like, a vegetarian or anything like that, are you?" he asked.

"No," I smiled. "Definitely not."

"Good," he said, boldly reaching across the car and grabbing my hand. I didn't pull away. I was starting to like Ben, god help me.

"Why do you still wear the ring, if you don't mind me asking," he said. I hadn't even thought about it. Why did I still wear the ring?

"Honestly, I don't know." I sighed, pulling my hand away to take the ring off and stuff it in my bag. One less reminder of Kennedy Brock.

"You look nice, by the way," he said, flicking his blinker on to switch lanes.

"Thank you," I said with a smile, "You don't look too bad yourself, buddy."

He took me to Chipotle, and thank god he did. I hadn't had chipotle in a long time. As we ate our burrito bowls, our conversations only got better and better. We discussed everything from childhood to now, leaving no embarrassing detail out. He was easy to talk to, and I loved that about him. Chipotle had to kick us out when it was time to close, and I didn't want to go home.

"Where do you want to go now?" he asked, wrapping his arm around me, sheltering me from the November air.

"Would it be too forward of me to suggest your place?" I asked, looking over at him.

"Not at all. Just a warning though, I live with Andy, and if you remember correctly, he thinks you are mad hot."

"Bring it on," I said. He opened the car door for me, and that was something I needed to get used to. Not a lot of guys did that, and it threw me off.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Peyton Smith, as I live and breathe," Andy greeted me, pulling my hand towards his mouth and giving it a gentle kiss.

"Hi, Andy," I smiled.

"She remembers my name!" he fistpumped. "I need to go tumble about this," he said, running back into, what I assumed was his room.

Ben loosely draped his arm around my waist and led me to his room. It was clean, to my surprise. Not a single thing was out of place. I had never seen a guys room that wasn't a pig sty.

"Wow," I said, looking at all of the posters on his wall.

"I am stuck in the eighties," he shrugged.

"These are great," I said. "I grew up listening to these bands. My dad will forever be stuck in the eighties. Music wise, at least."

"You talk about your dad a lot. He sounds pretty amazing."

"He is," I smiled and sat down on his bed. "Maybe you'll get to meet him one day."

"God, I hope so," he said, leaning against the wall. "What do you want to do?" he asked.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I just didn't want to go home, and nothing is open this late. I figured we could talk some more."

And that's we did, until the wee hours of the morning. I asked him to drive me home around five, and as he opened that car door for me, I allowed myself to do something that I had wanted to do all night. I allowed myself to kiss him, and lucky for me, it seemed as if he wanted the exact same thing.

I had started something with two guys today. One was one of my best friends, the other, a guy I was just getting to know.

Having sex with John, although I shouldn't was something that I wanted to repeat. He made me feel special, and it was wrong of me to use him, but I couldn't help it that he was sexy as hell.

Getting to know Ben was making me the happiest I had been in a month. He was a great guy who really liked me.

The old Peyton is turning in her grave right now. Too bad she died, because she could have saved me from all of the heartache I had coming my way.


	10. Don't Speak, Liar

"Date" was such a scary four letter word. I haven't been on a real "date" in months, unless you counted going to dinner with Ben a date. I didn't. When Kennedy and I were engaged, well, we didn't really go on dates, because what was the point?

I had two today.

Two dates. Was I trying to cause problems for myself? Apparently, I was. As I scrounged around in my closet for something to wear, a knock on the door only irritated me more.

"What?" I called out, not bothering to even open the door for whoever it was. No worries, whoever it was opened it anyway. I turned around, about to rip them a new one, but when I saw who it was, I started jumping and down.

"NICK!" I yelled, running over to him and throwing my arms around him. He looked so much better than he did the last time I saw him a month ago. His bruises had healed, he was minimally scarred, and he had the biggest smile I had ever seen planted on his face.

"I have big news, and I wanted to tell you in person," he said. I pulled away, excited for whatever the news was.

"You are moving to Tempe?" I asked.

He smiled, and nodded.

"Thank you, Justin Richards in heaven!" I said, clapping my hands and jumping up and down again.

"But there's more," he said.

"Mama Santino is moving here with you?" I asked.

"Unfortunately no. Well not right now. I am sure she will relocate eventually."

"Well, what else is there?" I asked, sitting down on my bed.

"I'm getting married," he smiled, and waited for my reaction.

What reaction was I supposed to give him?

"Peyton?" he asked, waving his hand in front of my face.

"Is she pregnant?" I asked, finally looking up at him.

"No," he said, confused.

"You and Sophia haven't even been dating that long Nick. What, a month tops? Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, I'm sure!" he yelled, standing up. "You know, I thought my 'best friend,'" he said, using air quotes, "would be happy for me, but apparently I was wrong."

"I just think you should think about this before you," I paused, thinking of the right words.

"Before I what, Peyton? Screw up my life. When did you become such a cynic? When Kennedy left you?"

Ouch.

"I'm not a cynic!" I yelled back, "I just don't think you should rush into anything, Nick. I understand that you've been single for a long time, but what I don't understand is why you are rushing this. If you guys are serious about each other, then I think she will still be there, say, in a year, when you guys REALLY know each other."

"Oh, like you and Kennedy? You waited a year, and now look at you."

"Get out," I screamed, pointing to my door.

"You know, Peyton, I wanted to tell you first, because I really do consider you my best friend, but I guess I was mistaken. Best friends are there for each other no matter what. I don't understand you sometimes," he sighed and started walking for the door. "And, by the way," he stopped, and looked at me again. "Since we are being honest with each other, I heard you have a date with John tonight. Why in God's name, would you even think about even talking to him after everything he has done to you, let alone go out on a date with him. It seems to me like you need to think about your mistakes, not mine," and then he walked out of my room, his words staying behind, and hanging in the air.

/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\

I tried to forget about the feud with Nick as Ben opened the Jeep door for me. I had no idea what we were doing, but I imagined it would be something great. He was an odd kid, and that was part of the attraction for me.

"Seatbelt! Safety first!" he said, as he inserted the key into the ignition. I rolled my eyes and buckled my seatbelt. It was not something I usually forgot, but I got sidetracked, staring at him. The mixture of his dark brown hair and his gorgeous green eyes contrasted nicely with his pale skin. He was almost as white as I was, which I didn't think was possible. He was wearing a "Scorpions" shirt today, which, I am not even going to lie, is no doubt my favorite 80's hair metal band. This kid was an A+, and I was glad that we stepped it out of the "friends" zone, after I was so dead set on keeping this relationship there.

"What are we doing?" I asked, reaching for his hand and clasping it with mine.

"You know, to do nerdy things," he said.

"Oh god, laser tag?" I asked. He grinned and shook his head no. I sighed in relief and waited for him to tell me what we were doing.

"Just kidding. It's a surprise. I hope you like it," he said. "And if you don't, then I look forward to the challenge of taking you out again and finding something that you do like."

"Well, I'm easy," I shrugged. And then I thought about what I had just said. My hand shot up to cover my mouth and I looked over at him. He was trying not to laugh, and he was about to lose it any second.

"I meant, I'm easy going," I said. He nodded and tried to compose himself, but he was failing.

"Oh, forget it," I smiled and looked out of the window.

/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\

"Tainted Love," I said, staring up at the clouds. We were having a heated discussion of the best and worst songs of the 80's, laying in a small boat we had rented. I have lived in Arizona all of my life, and to be honest, I have never been to [insert lake name here.] It was beautiful, and I wondered to myself why I hadn't come here earlier.

"That song is totally underrated." He agreed with me. This guy, could quite possibly, be my music soul-mate.

"Melt With You?" he asked.

"I could take it or leave it," I shrugged. He nodded in agreement.

"This may sound nerdy, but why do all of these clouds look like Pokémon?" he asked.

"You're right," I chuckled. "They do."

"Your turn," he said. "Most overrated 70's or 80's band?"

"Air Supply." I said without even thinking about. He sat up and just stared at me. "What?" I asked, sitting up too.

"You take that back!" he said.

"No!"

"Take it back! They are classic."

"I can't believe I like a guy that likes 'Air Supply,'" I said, horrified.

"I'm all out of love," he started.

"Oh god, no."

"I'm so lost without you," he stood up, his voice getting louder with each line. "I know you were right, believing for so long!"

"Ben, shut up!" I said, tugging on his shirt, trying to get him to sit back down.

"I'M ALL OUT OF LOVE, WHAT AM I WITHOUT YOU?" he yelled, getting really into it.

You know that feeling when you know something bad is about to happen? Your stomach muscles tighten, and your heart almost seems like it freezes, as your body prepares you for what is about to come. I felt that as the boat started to shake, and Ben started flailing his arms, only making it worse.

"NO!" I shouted, just before I came into contact with the chilly water. As I resurfaced, I started looking around for Ben. I spun around and came face to face with him.

"Well, this wasn't supposed to happen," he smirked.

"It's so cold," I said, my teeth chattering. He pulled me in close, and planted a soft kiss to my forehead. It was too deep for us to touch the bottom, so flipping the boat back over and climbing back in would be a challenge.

"Something just brushed up against my leg," he squealed, kicking his legs.

"It was probably my leg," I said.

"Are there fish in here?" he asked. I looked around at all of the other people in boats, casting their lines and reeling them in.

"I'm going to say that yes, there are fish in here."

"Oh god," he said, closing his eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"I am sure there are snakes in here too."

"Probably," I said with a nod.

"Help me flip the boat, please," he panicked. We tried and tried, and finally we got it.

He tried to climb in, but ended up falling back in. I tried not to laugh, but I couldn't help it.

"I hate snakes, I hate snakes," he was saying over and over again. I put my hand on his shoulder and made him turn around to face me. He looked so cute with his hair soaking wet, his teeth chattering as much as mine were, and his fear of snakes made me wish I could rid the whole lake of them.

"It's going to be fine. They won't bother us," I said, putting my hands on either side of his head and gripping the boat. I wrapped my legs around his waist, hoping that a little seduction would calm him down. Worked like a charm. He relaxed and wrapped his arms around my waist. I let go of the boat with one of my hands and rested it on the side of his neck, bringing my cold lips to his.

I liked kissing Ben, and from what could tell, he didn't mind kissing me back. Just as we were really starting to get into it, another boat passed by, and offered to help get us, and our piece of shit boat, back to shore. We graciously accepted.

It took us a really long time getting back to Ben's Jeep, longer than it should have. We had to stop every few minutes just so we could have a lot of physical contact with each other. I don't know why my attraction to Ben was so strong, but it was, and I really had no problem with that, at all.

As we the Jeep finally came into view, Ben let go of my hand and ran to open the door for me, which was something I still had to get used to. I thanked him with an innocent kiss and climbed in. He walked around the front of the car and jumped in, starting the engine and grabbing my hand. It was natural with us, and I found that both odd and comforting.

"I packed a lunch, but I imagine you want to go home and change?" he asked, rubbing tiny circles in my palm with his thumb.

"I don't want to go home. That would mean this date would end, and I'm not ready for that. So, even if we smell like fish, I would love to have a picnic."

"Where would you like to go? I took you to my favorite place; you should take me to yours."

I thought about it for a minute. I had no idea where my favorite place was. Every favorite place I had ever had was taken over by bad memories. I shared them with the people closest to me, and what I got from that, was a loss of a favorite spot.

"I don't have one," I sighed.

"Well, do you want to just go to the park or something? Or we could eat in the Jeep," he laughed and kept his eyes on the road.

"Actually, I should introduce you to someone," I said..

"Oh," he looked worried. "Is it your dad? I mean, I don't," he paused, thinking about what he was going to say.

"No, it's not my dad," I laughed at how scared he sounded. It was way too early for that.

"Okay," he sighed in relief.

"Take the next exit," I said.

/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\

"Nice to meet you, Ben," Julia, said shaking his head. When she turned back around to me, she mouthed an "Oh my god," to me as we walked into her house. Daisy was hopping all over me, so I scooped her up and cradled her in my arms.

"The guys are in there, if you want to go meet them," Julia said to Ben and then gave me a look. It was a look that I understood. Kennedy was there.

"Through here?" Ben asked pointing, and Julia nodded. As soon as he was out of the kitchen, Julia turned around and faced me.

"Explain to me what you are doing," she demanded, and leaned back against the counter.

"What do you mean?" I asked, barely paying attention to her. All of my attention was focused on the pug in my arms.

"John AND Ben?" she asked.

"No, I'm not dating either one of them." I shrugged.

"You know you're just asking for trouble," she informed me. She kept talking but I tuned her out, paying attention to only Daisy. "And you smell really bad," she added, as an afterthought.

"Ben seems nice," John said, walking into the kitchen.

"Later," Julia said, walking into the living room. Subtle.

"He is nice," I said, finally setting Daisy on the ground. She let out a snort and started pawing on my legs for me to pick her back up. Julia spoiled this dog rotten.

Then there was silence. I swore I heard crickets chirping.

"What time should I pick you up tonight?" he finally asked, grabbing an apple.

"Uh, around 6? Is that okay?" I asked.

"Sure," he said, walking back into the living room. His pride was wounded because I was another guy. Not my problem, was it?

I walked into the living room, Daisy following my every step, and came to find Ben smushed between the ex fiancé and the other current boy toy. Jared and Garrett were sitting on the arms of the couch.

Julia found the whole situation way too amusing. I sat down next to her on the other couch and watched Jared Annihilate Garrett and Kennedy at Halo.

"So much sex appeal is sitting on that couch right now," she whispered to me and I giggled. Kennedy, even though he was playing Halo, was shooting me really nasty looks. I tried not to pay attention to him, but it was hard.

"So Ben," Julia started. "Peyton told me you were in a band."

"Yeah, I am," he smiled, "it's nothing really. I'm not quitting my day job or anything for it."

"Bro, if you want it to go anywhere, you have to quit your day job and devote everything you have to the band." Garrett said.

"That's just how it works," Jared nodded in agreement.

"Lucky for you, you live in Tempe," John said. "A lot of bands get a good start here because the fans here are incredible."

"They are," Ben nodded in agreement. "We have a pretty decent following, I just have to keep the cash flowing somehow. Bills to pay."

"They never had to deal with any of that. Every single one of them is a mama's boy." Julia said. Nobody thought anything of that comment, except for me. I looked over at Kennedy, who wasn't really close with his parents, and watched his face fall. They were all mamas' boys except for him. He never really got the chance to be.

We stayed there for about thirty minutes, the boys playing Halo and discussing band tips and Julia and I, in a different room, discussing how I was messing up my life. Or at least she was discussing this, I was playing with Daisy.

"It's like you're trying to get hurt. Opening yourself up to two guys at the same time, Jesus Peyton. And I can't believe you slept with John, again," she continued, droning on and on, her words fading into background noise as I tuned her out. I was relieved when Ben walked into the kitchen, and Julia stopped yapping.

"Ready to go?" he asked, looking really uncomfortable.

"Sure," I said, placing Daisy back on the ground and grabbing my bag. I kissed Julia on the cheek and made my way towards the door, placing my hand in Ben's as we walked to his Jeep.

"What happened?" I asked him. He just shrugged and opened my door for me. My gaze followed him until he climbed in the car and I grabbed his hand before he inserted the key in the ignition.

"Tell me," I pleaded.

"I just," he sighed. "I don't know. Kennedy, he kept giving me dirty stares, and that's fine. But I saw him give you dirty stares, and you don't deserve that. He's the one who left you right? Why does he get to give you dirty stares? And John was talking about how he was taking you out tonight, and I just don't get it. Why would you go out on a date with me if you were going out with John? Is it wrong of me to say that I don't want you to go out with John? Is it too soon for me to say that I want us to be official? I just," he stopped and finally took a breath. "I don't know."

"Ignore Kennedy." I said, running my fingers through his hair. "And what was that last part?" I said, just hoping he would repeat it again.

"I really like you," he said, finally looking over at me. "I guess I was getting ahead of myself," he shrugged and put the Jeep in reverse. I liked this kid. I REALLY liked this kid. But I was getting to the point where I started to like John again. The sight of John used to make me cringe, but now, it made me want to do other things. Like dry hump him.

I didn't answer him for a long time. I was debating on what to do. What would you do? Would you even be in this predicament?

"Pull over," I said.

"What?"

"Pull over," I repeated. I jumped out the second the car had stopped. He jumped out as well and walked over to my side.

"What is even going on?" he asked. I smiled and pushed him up against the Jeep.

"I couldn't kiss you while you were driving," I said, pressing my lips firmly to his. His arms snaked around my waist, my arms found their way around the back of his neck. Cars were honking as they passed.

"I won't go out with him, if you don't want me to," I said, staring straight into his eyes.

"I know I've only known you for a few weeks, but I want to make this official."

"Official, as in I can call you 'boyfriend?'" I asked, a smile hinting at my lips.

"If it's what you want," he smiled and kissed the tip of my nose.

"Alright, boyfriend," I said, giving him a quick kiss. "You have band practice to get to."

"They can wait," he said, bringing me in for another kiss.

"We didn't get our picnic!" I said, wish a pout.

"Raincheck?" he asked, and I nodded, going in for another kiss.

How could I stand here and kiss my new boyfriend, knowing that I lied to him? I told him that I wouldn't go out with John tonight, and, well, I was. I didn't know what I wanted. I had to test the water. So what if I told him I wouldn't see John anymore. One little lie wouldn't hurt would it?

Would it?

/\\/\\/\\/\\

"You smell so good," John whispered in my ear right before he started kissing down my neck. We hadn't even made it out of the door and his hands were already all over me.

"Oh God. No, go," I said, pointing to the door. He chuckled against my neck and then grabbed my hand, leading the way to his car.

"What are we doing?" I asked, buckling my seatbelt.

"You know, food, movies, nothing spectacular." He was smirking, so I knew he had something planned. His hand was resting on my thigh, and it made me think of how different both of these guys were. Ben always held my hand, he never tried anything or even remotely pushed the envelope. John, on the other hand, went for what he wanted, but I guess he always got it. He is John O'Callaghan.

His car zipped into the driveway of a house I knew all too well.

"Why are we at the Kirch's?" I asked.

"Just come on," he said, smiling and pressing his hand to the small of my back, leading me to the backyard.

"Holy shit," I muttered, under my breath. There were string lights everywhere. John grabbed a lily off of the table and tucked it behind my ear. The table was set for two and there was a bottle of wine chilling.

"Do you like it?" he asked, pulling my chair out for me.

"No, I hate it," I said, looking around the backyard in awe. It was incredible, to say the least. "It's really incredible, John," I smiled at him, scooting my chair up.

A few seconds later, both Pat and Tim Kirch came out, wearing tuxedos. Actual tuxedos. Pat's hair was slicked back into a ponytail, and his oversized, adorable ears were sticking out. It made me "awww" out loud, and he blushed.

They looked amazing. I was glad I wore a dress, or else I would have felt underdressed, eating in a backyard. Yeah, it was that classy.

They set water glasses in front of us, and then went back into the kitchen.

"I feel weird having Tim and Pat serving us," I said.

"They actually volunteered. I was just going to take you here to get some food, but Pat and Tim needed something to do other than play video games. They needed some people interaction."

"Well, I am honored they wanted to do this," I said, taking a sip of my water.

"Have you ever had Mrs. Kirch's cooking?" he asked.

"No, but I have always wanted to." I said, just as Tim and Pat brought out our salads. Mrs. Kirch was staring through the window, gauging our reactions as we ate our dinner. I gave her a thumbs up and proceeded to eat the most amazing meal I have ever had cooked for me.

/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\

"I thought we were going to the movies?" I asked as John drove the complete opposite direction of the movie theatre. He just shrugged and drove further into downtown Phoenix.

"So," he said, attempting to start a conversation.

"So," I said, looking at all of the lights rush past us.

"I know that it's none of my business, and you can do whatever you want, but why are you going on a date with me if you went out with Ben this morning. I didn't know you were seeing anyone," he said, keeping his eyes on the road.

"I'm not really seeing him," I lied.

"Really?" he asked.

What was I doing? I was seeing him. I was dating him, as of today, and this date with John should make me feel like a guilty cheating whore, but it didn't. It was hard to explain the logic as to why I was on this date with John. It just made me feel complete.

"I have seen the big M before, John," I said as he pulled into the lot in front of it.

"Yeah, I know," he said, climbing out of the black BMW.

"You said we were going to the movies!" I said, closing my door.

"We are," he smiled, and grabbed my hand. It was pitch black without his headlights lighting the way, so I didn't see the two chairs he had set up right next to a projector on the far side of the wall.

"Oh wow," I said, as he pushed a button and brought the projector to life.

"What movie?" I asked, as he wrapped his arm around me.

"Oh, it's just –"

"Benny and Joon!" I screamed as "I Would Walk 500 Miles," by The Proclaimers boomed through the speakers he had set up near the wall. He chuckled and leaned his head against mine.

"I know it's your favorite," he said. I turned towards him and kissed his lips softly.

"You're amazing," I said with a smile.

"You're everything," he sighed contently, motioning for me to sit in the chair. As I watched my favorite movie for the thousandth time, none of the other times compared to this. John really thought this date out, and it was, without a doubt, one of the best dates I had ever been on.

As it was rounding ten o'clock, my phone rang. It was Ben, and I wanted to answer it.

"Uh, it's my dad," I lied, standing up. John nodded and then continued to watch Johnny Depp be a total babe.

"Hey," I said, walking away from John.

"Hey girlfriend," he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Going out with the guys to get a beer. Do you want to go?" he asked.

"Oh, I can't tonight," I said.

"Oh, busy?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm hanging out with Jared tonight. We're having a movie marathon," the lies were coming out so easy, I surprised myself.

"Alright, call you tomorrow?" he asked.

"Yes, call me tomorrow." I said, with a smile.

"Say it," he said.

"Say what?" I asked.

"Say, 'Yes boyfriend, call me tomorrow,'" he chuckled.

"Yes boyfriend, call me tomorrow," I said in a hushed voice.

"Louder," he teased.

"Yes, boyfriend. Call me tomorrow," I smiled, and hung up the phone. I walked back over to my chair, and I could tell John overheard some of that.

"You call your dad boyfriend?" he asked.

"No." I said, thinking of something. "He asked me who I was with, and I told him I was with my boyfriend," I said, hating myself for not thinking all of this through.

"Boyfriend?" he asked, confused.

"I mean," I said, trying to think quickly, "If that's what you want,"

"More than anything," he said, leaning over and kissing me so passionately, I lost my breath.

On the drive home, I thought about all of the lies I told today, and the person I was becoming. What I was doing was wrong. I had two boyfriends. I have only had one other experience similar to this, but it was only for a minute, and it was between John and Kennedy. That ended so well. The fact that I was doing it again, at a slightly worse scale, really made me get a look at the person I was becoming. I didn't like it.

I should end my relationship with one of these boys.

But which one?

Justin Richards in Heaven, have pity on my soul.

The thing is, I _should _end my relationship with one of these boys.

Was I going to?

No. I didn't know who would win out.

I was going to Hell, I was sure of it.


	11. Sink Ships

I promised myself that I would never do this again. I said that last time was going to be the last time, but as I sat on my chair, watching the preteens walk by, I couldn't help but think that this wasn't the last time. Selling merch went hand in hand with dating someone in a band, and I hated it.

Or, in my case; dating two guys in a band. I had mastered the balancing act between John and Ben, and although that was something I shouldn't be proud of, I had to say that I was. They were two totally opposite people, with opposite schedules and opposite interests, so their paths never crossed and my time with them always worked out. Ben worked nights at the bookstore, so we spent mornings together, where John slept in, and was more of a night person, so he was mine most nights.

The opening band took the stage, some band I had never heard of, and I tuned them out, because they were horrible. I flipped through the issue of AP magazine, my breath hitching when I found the interview with Kennedy about Olivia. I flipped the page, telling myself that I didn't need to read, but I flipped back, because I knew that if I didn't, it would bug me until I did.

"_**Interviewer**__: Is it an interesting story of how you found out about your daughter?_

_**Kennedy**__: Actually, I guess it is. My fiancé at the time, Peyton, I don't know if a lot of people knew I was engaged, or even know who she is, but she recorded a song with us last year, but anyway, we were visiting Nick [Santino] in the hospital after his wreck, and Olivia was just standing in the waiting room. She looked lost. Peyton noticed her before I did, and she looks so much like me, it was one of those really surreal moments. Next thing I knew my ex-girlfriend walked into the room and cleared up any suspicions we may have had._

_**Interviewer**__: If you had a say in her name, would you have named her something different?_

_Kennedy: I don't know. I see all of these people naming their kids obscene things these days, I think "Olivia" suits her just fine. I can't say that I am creative enough to come up with a good name, so I am kind of glad I didn't have to help pick it out. I mean, I guess it would have been fun to pick one out with Gabi, but I'm just not good at the stuff._

_**Interviewer**__: Do you resent Gabi for keeping her a secret for three years?_

_**Kennedy: **__She had her reasons. I am on the road all of the time. I was 19 and too immature to do what I needed to do, you know? Gabi did a great job raising her without me, but I imagine having two parents is always better than having one, and I always knew I wanted kids, I just never knew if I would be a great dad. That's always a fear people have, I suppose. I'm not mad about it, I just wish I could have been there for both of them like they deserved, I guess is all I am trying to say._

_**Interviewer:**__ Where would your life be if Olivia had not come into it?_

_**Kennedy:**__ I would still be engaged to Peyton, I suppose. It's just one of those timing issues, I guess. She was, without a doubt, the one I saw myself ending up with but now I am a dad, testing the waters with my ex –girlfriend. . Things might not have worked out in the best way for everyone involved, but I wanted to do what was best for my daughter, and I feel like I am._

_**Interviewer: **__Do you and Gabi have any plans to walk down the aisle soon?_

_**Kennedy: **__[He chuckles.] I don't know. How many life changing events can one man have in a span of a year? I have had so many, that I can't even think about marriage right now. My life has been altered so much, you know, finding out I have a kid, getting left at the altar, because yes, that did happen, getting Peyton back, losing Peyton and then moving back in with my ex-girlfriend. I just want some normalcy. Touring, that is normal for me. Hope to see all of you out and about for our next tour. It starts in November._

_**Interviewer: **__How did your band mates react when they found out about your daughter?_

_**Kennedy: **__They were actually really supportive. Everyone was. Olivia is just one of those kids that has the charm and cuteness dial turned way up, all of the time. It's hard not to immediately fall for the kid. She's smart and kind, and I know her life is going to be a good. I am going to make sure of that._

"Excuse me,_" _someone, yelled at me, interrupting my reading. I looked up over my magazine and saw a young girl, money in hand, waiting to buy something.

"Yeah?" I asked, setting the magazine down.

"Can I have the EP?" she asked.

"Five dollars," I said, sliding the Walking After Dark EP towards her. She slipped me the five and walked off, mumbling something under her breath. I think I heard the words "lazy" and "bitch."

Well, sorry princess.

I didn't want to read anymore of the interview so I set the magazine on the table and waited for Ben's band to start playing.

The next thing that happened was definitely not something I foresaw happening. I watched as five boys entered the venue, and I tried to duck by kneeling on the ground behind the table totally out of their line of vision, but Pat saw me, and started walking my way. Stupid Pat.

"Peyton?" he asked. I popped back up. "Oh, found it," I said, acting like I was putting my earring back on, but I realized I wasn't wearing any earrings, so I moved my hand automatically to my nose ring, acting like I was putting the silver hoop back in, but Pat knew I was just being stupid.

"Hiding?" he asked.

"No, why would I be hiding?" I asked.

"Well, you must be, because you were ducked down, and you just came up with some lame excuse as to why you were on the ground."

"Yeah, I am hiding," I admitted, sitting back down in my chair. Pat was one of those people who wouldn't let something go.

"Why are you hiding?"

"Peyton?" John asked, with a squinty eye.

"Hey," I smiled at him.

"You're working merch for Ben's band?" he asked.

"He needed a favor," I said, shrugging it off.

"I tried to call you to see if you wanted to come tonight, but I couldn't get a hold of you," he said.

"I left my phone in Ben's Jeep," which wasn't a lie.

"He drove you here?" he asked.

"Well, I mean, I don't have a car anymore," I said.

He laughed, because how could he forget that I didn't have a car, he did have to come pick me up every day. "Make any progress on recording?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Oh yeah," John nodded. "We're almost done," he sighed, watching whatever band was on stage.

"What's wrong?" I asked, standing up and walking around the table and placing my hand on his shoulder.

"We're almost done recording. I have to go back to California soon," he said.

"You have to?" I asked.

"Well, I want to move back here, to be closer to you," he paused, watching as my face went from sad, to almost happy, "but I think I have overstayed my welcome at my parents house."

"We have an extra room," I said, hoping he would say yes. He was, after all, my boyfriend, which was weird to wrap my head around.

"Do you think Jared and Pat will mind?" he asked.

"It used to be your house."

"It's not anymore, though. Besides, if I moved in, it would be hard to keep our relationship a secret," he said, trying to sneak a kiss, but Pat was listening.

"Yeah, because we are all so dumb and don't know that you guys are dating," Pat said, walking away. John smirked and went in for another kiss, right when Walking After Dark was taking the stage. I put my hands up and lightly pushed him away.

"Woah, what?" he asked, looking hurt.

"No PDA." I said, looking at Ben, who was staring straight at us.

"Since when?" he asked, trying to kiss me again.

"Since forever," I said, stepping back behind the merch table. "Go watch the show. They're really good," I smiled at him, sitting back down in the chair. He nodded and went to go find the guys. Ben finally snapped out of it and started the set, kicking it off with the song they always opened with. I was actually excited, because Ben and I had practiced together so I could sing one of their songs with him. Would John think that we were more than friends because I was singing a song with him?

Well, we would find out. When the time came for me to go onstage and sing with him, he just started the song without me, like he had forgotten that I had practiced this song with him every day for the past week. Andy looked at me, and shrugged, joining in on the song. I crossed my arms and tuned out the rest of their set. Asshole.

/\\/\\/\\./\\

"Why would you do that?" I asked as soon as Ben came out.

"Do what?" he asked, not even looking at me.

"You know what," I said with as much venom I could. He just shrugged and was silent for a bit. He looked pissed off.

"Pat offered us an opening spot on a few of their dates on the new tour," he said, sitting down in the chair.

"That's great!" I said, forgetting about the incident that happened and leaned against the table.

"Yeah, it really is," he smiled to himself. "The guys are pumped."

"This is good for the band," I smiled, and then I thought about it. How was I going to keep up my little act while they are both on tour, sharing girlfriend stories?

Oh fuck me in the ass running.

"What about work?" I asked him.

"I may quit," he said. "Like Garrett said, I need to quit my job in order to give this band everything I have. This is our big break. Nothing is going to get in the way," he said. "I'm sorry," he finally sighed.

"For?"

"Not letting you sing with me. I just saw John hanging all over you, and it made me want to punch him. I guess that's not your fault." Oh buddy, if only you knew.

"We're just friends," I lied. Lying seemed to be all I was good at these days.

"I know, I don't know why I let it bug me," he said, wrapping his arms around me. I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around him too.

"You guys did great. I am glad you are finally getting your big break," I said, leaning my head against his chest.

"Couldn't have done it without you," he said, and kissed the top of my head.

"The fuck?" John yelled, rounding the corner. I froze. It was about to happen. Three weeks of careful lying down the drain. "What is going on?"

"Nothing," I said, letting go of Ben.

"Doesn't look like nothing," John growled, eyeing Ben.

"What is your problem?" Ben asked John.

"You are my problem. We invite you guys to open for us and what do you do to repay me? Get all touchy feely with my girlfriend."

"Your girlfriend?" Ben asked, looking at me. "Really, because I thought she was my girlfriend."

"Your girlfriend?" John asked, also looking at me. Oh shit.

Raise your hand if you saw this coming. Okay, everyone, put your hand down, you look stupid sitting at your computer with your arm raised.

"I-I-I," I stammered.

"You?" John said, urging me to continue.

"Well," I sighed, deciding it was better for me to tell the truth than to bury myself any deeper. "I messed up," I started. I explained to them that I couldn't choose and I liked them both, so I was dating them both. The truth went over real well. Not.

"Who are you?" John asked. "What happened to you?"

"I," I sighed and then looked at Ben. He looked hurt. I didn't mean a little hurt. I mean, he looked like he was on the verge of a breakdown. "Ben," I whispered. He shook his head, not even looking at me.

"Thanks for the opportunity, John, but I don't think we can go on this tour with you," Ben mumbled, and then walked away. John followed his lead and went to find the rest of the boys, leaving me standing in the middle of the venue alone with my decisions. Not a great feeling. I ruined Ben's big chance, and I am sure John would never talk to me again.

/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\

"You're still here?" someone asked me, sneaking up beside me and scaring the shit out of me. I jumped about a foot in the air.

"My ride left me." I answered after I caught my breath. "My phone is in his car so I couldn't call anyone, and," then I stopped and looked over at Kennedy. "Never mind."

"Need a ride?" he asked, leaning against the wall.

"Nope," I answered; dropping my bag on the sidewalk, my issue of AP spilling out of it. I glanced at it, and decided to leave it. It was trash anyway. I sat down on the curb next to my bag, hoping he would just leave me alone.

"Did you read the arti-" he started but I cut him off with a "yup." He sat down on the curb next to me, the only source of light we had was a flickering lamp post about 20 feet away. It was creepy, not going to lie.

"Peyton," he started.

"Save it," I sighed, kicking a pebble with my shoe.

"Are we never even going to try to be friends?" he asked.

"Why would you want to be friends with me, Kennedy?"

"Because, we were best friends for a long time before we dated, and I would rather have you in my life as a friend than not have you in it at all," he said, fidgeting with his jacket. I didn't respond, just stared at the streetlight. I don't know what I was doing out here. All of the guys had left. Kennedy was the only one who drove separate. My phone was still in Ben's Jeep. I had to get a ride from him. Of course I did. My life just worked that way.

"I can't be friends with you Kennedy," I finally answered after a few minutes. "Just sitting next to you right now, it hurts almost as bad as when you left me. I know you had to, and that should make it hurt less, but it doesn't."

"I understand," he said, wrapping his arms around his knees. "Will we ever get over each other?"

"God, I hope so," I said, finally allowing myself to look at him. "Because this is miserable."

"Seeing you with other guys, it feels like someone is ripping my heart out of my chest."

"Welcome to my world," I said. "Besides, I ruined just about everything because I have been someone I am not proud of."

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I went through a dark period when you left me. I changed into someone I hate, and I just hope the old Peyton isn't completely dead, because I miss her."

"She isn't dead. She could never be dead. She was amazing," he said, looking away from me. I sighed. I hope he was right. I had messed up so much lately that I was amazed I still had any friends. I don't even know if I would want to be friends with myself.

"Gabi and I aren't doing well," he said, after a long pause.

"Oh," I was all I could think to say.

"I can't make myself love her," he said, "and the fact that I am only with her for Olivia, is fucking ridiculous," he was starting to get mad. I just listened, because I guess that was what he needed right now. "Olivia would be just fine if we weren't together. If Gabi let her see me instead of denying me visitation, Olivia would be content. Then Gabi could find someone who loved her, and so could I. The thing is, I think Gabi does love me, and I feel like a prick because I don't." he continued to ramble on.

"Kennedy," I tried to get him to stop, but it didn't work.

"And the fact that she wants to get married, fuck. I have a hard time living with her, let alone marrying her. Olivia deserves better than to hear us fight every night, to see us sleeping in separate rooms, because, well, we have been. I can't stand to look at Gabi sometimes, because she was the one who was going to deny me contact with my own child. She was the one who made me leave the one thing in my life that made me happy," and he just kept going on, and on. I let him. It was obvious he needed to talk to someone. But why me? When he finally finished, he was trying to catch his breath, almost shaking with rage. I placed my hand on his shoulder and hoped that that would calm him down a little.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" I asked. "I mean," I tried to think of something that sounded less bitchy. "I understand you needed to talk about it, but why me?"

"You were here, and even though you hate me, I still consider you my best friend."

"I don't hate you," I shrugged. "I hate your girlfriend."

"Join the club."

"Can we get cool t-shirts with Gabi's face on them, and draw fake mustaches on her and stuff?" I asked, hoping to get a laugh out of Kennedy. It worked.

"Please. I would love to see her face when she did laundry."

"Let's go home," I said, nudging his arm. He nodded, stood up, and extended his hand to help me up. He cleverly pulled me up too forcefully into a hug, and for once, I didn't push him away. I was still in love with Kennedy, but it was something I needed to get over. I knew he wasn't going to leave Gabi, because he wouldn't risk losing Olivia, and I didn't blame him. If I had a child of my own, I would do the same thing.

"Thank you for letting me unload all of this shit on you," he whispered into my ear. I just nodded and let him hold onto me for as long as he needed.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

When he pulled into my driveway, and I opened the door to leave, he grabbed my hand, and thanked my again.

"See you tomorrow?" he asked.

"What's tomorrow?" I asked.

"Nick's wedding?"

Nick was getting married, and he didn't even tell me. He didn't invite me. I was supposed to be his best friend.

I guess I didn't blame him after how I acted when he told me. I wouldn't have invited me either. I haven't even met his fiancé.

I was a horrible friend.

I was a horrible person in general.

I just shrugged and said goodbye, walking into the house, where five people were sitting, waiting for me to get home.

An intervention. This time I didn't fight it, I just sat down in the chair, looking around the table at Jared, Pat, Garrett, Julia and my dad. "Let's do this," I said with a smile.

I loved that I had family and friends who cared enough to talk to me when I was fucking up my life, and if I ever needed one in my whole life, now was the time.

An intervention was what I needed, and an intervention was what I got.


	12. Every Road

I was center stage at a huge rock arena, jamming on my guitar, screaming the lyrics to "Rock You Like a Hurricane," by the Scorpions. Fans were going crazy, there were crowd surfers in the seated sections. If you thought that was impossible, you were wrong. I saw it happening right before my eyes. But I kept singing the chorus over and over again, that was it. The rest of song was incapable of coming out of my mouth, or my guitar. I was on repeat, and then all of the sudden it stopped. The crowd stopped going crazy and just froze, staring at me, until the band started playing again, and I was forced to sing the same chorus over and over again.

I lazily opened my eyes and reached for my phone that was wailing out the very same ringtone. I sent Jared to go get it from Ben last night, I was too afraid to face him.

Stuff from real life always entered my dreams. I had to sleep with music on, and unconsciously, it always affected my dreams. I didn't even bother looking at the caller id, just placed the phone to my ear and growled out a "What?"

"Oh, were you sleeping?" she said. I looked over at the clock. It read "6:34." Six thirty-four a.m.

"Of course I am still asleep. Why would I be awake this early?" I yawned and sat up.

"Because your best friend is getting married, and you need to be there."

"Mama Santino, he didn't even invite me. No way in Hell am I stepping foot near that church."

"Get your lazy ass out of bed," she started.

"Language!" I smiled into the phone. I always loved busting her on that.

"Oh hush," she said, she was being dead serious, and that was what was scaring me. If I didn't get out of bed and go to the church, I wouldn't have put it past her to bust through my door and throw me over her shoulder to carry me to the church.

"He obviously doesn't want me there," I sighed, and flopped back down on my pillow. Graceful.

"He was just hurt that you weren't happy for him, but Peyton, do you blame him?" she asked.

"No. I really don't." I closed my eyes and wanted to go back to sleep, but I knew I wouldn't get that chance.

"Get up. Get ready. Wedding is at 12." Click.

I lowered my phone and stared at it. I threw it down on the bed and just laid there for a while. Going to Nick's wedding uninvited was something I didn't feel comfortable doing.

I ended up lying there for an hour. I had time, so I figured a jog would be perfect right now.

I didn't change out of my sweat pants or tank top, just threw on my New Balances, threw my hair back into a ponytail and put on one of John's old baseball caps, which I stole, and bolted out of the door. I hadn't gone running in a while, and I should have stretched, because two miles in, my legs were killing me. I used to be able to do six miles, no sweat.

Oh, I was getting out of shape. I stopped and held onto my side, gasping for air. I looked at my watch and it was already 8. When I looked up, I realized I was a few blocks from the church. I wanted to see if Mama Santino was there already setting up, because I really needed to talk to her.

I trudged the few blocks, still trying to catch my breath, and finally ended up in front of the church. I couldn't bring myself to go in though, just stood out front, staring at it. This was where Nick was either going to ruin his life, or make it.

I was a horrible, selfish person lately. Believe me, I knew it. My intervention last night, it was hard to hear, but I needed to hear everything everyone had to say. I took all of it to heart. If I hadn't have, I wouldn't be standing in front of a church right now.

Nick wasn't the church type. Did Sophia know him at all? Did she know what kind of person he was, did she know anything about his past, anything about his life?

Did she know that every Christmas he helped my dad and I decorate the tree if he was in town? Did she know that if they got in a fight, he would more than likely block her on twitter until the fight resided?

Did she know Nicholas Bernard Santino? I decided to stop giving the church dirty looks, it wasn't at fault. I went and sat on the swing in the garden of the church, it was peaceful and there was less traffic. I got a few dirty looks of my own from the florist, who was bringing in flower arrangements. I didn't know how much time had lapsed, and right when I was about to look, I heard someone call my name.

"Peyton?" she asked.

I looked over to my right and there she was, and she was so beautiful, even I had to catch my breath. Now I understood why Nick got in the wreck. He was staring at her, and I didn't blame him. She had long, curly dark brown hair freely falling down her back. Her features were well defined. Simply put, she was gorgeous.

"How did you know it was me?" I asked.

"Nick showed me some pictures of his friends," she smiled and walked a few steps towards me. I looked at my watch and cringed. I had sat here for hours just thinking. It was 11:30. The wedding started in thirty minutes and I was in my sweatpants and tennis shoes. "We weren't sure if you were going to make it," she said, lifting her dress to sit down on the swing next to me.

"You're going to get your dress dirty," I said, before she down. She shrugged. "It's okay. It's my wedding day. If my dress is dirty, then it was meant to be dirty. Everything happens for a reason."

"Nice logic," I smiled at her and then kicked a rock with my tennis shoe.

"You know, I am glad you are here. I haven't gotten to meet you, and I have wanted to for a while."

"I am sorry," I half smiled at her, "I have just been all over the place lately and I have been so caught up in myself, I haven't really made time for anyone else. It sounds horrible, I know. It was."

"Everyone has talked so highly of you," she smiled. "Are you going to stay for the wedding?" I looked down at my clothes and then back at her.

"Well,"

"My dad's the pastor here. I used to keep dresses in the back for when I rolled into church hung over, come on," she said, grabbing my hand and leading me through the side door. When she opened the closet, she wasn't lying. Around 30 dresses all hung neatly on their hangers, and a row of shoes were lined up on the floor.

"Pick any one you would like," she said.

"Thank you," I said.

"I'm glad we finally met. I really hope we can be close," she said and just as she was walking away, I pulled her back and gave her a hug.

"Nick is so lucky," I said, finally pulling away. I felt like a horrible person for jumping his shit when he told me he was getting married. Now I understood. He didn't want to let this one go. She was amazing.

"We both are," she smiled again, and then left me alone to change.

/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\

When I walked out of the door, I ran into Mama Santino. Like, I literally ran into her.

"Ooof," she said, and then turned around. "Peyton, you came!"

"Of course," I smiled, and she threw her arms around me. "I didn't want you killing me for missing the most important day of Nick's life."

"Did you meet Sophia?" she asked.

"Loved her."

"I did good," she said, doing an old lady rendition of the "fist pump."

"You did do good," I nodded.

"What is going on with your hair, child?" she asked. I just shrugged and tried to get away, but she pulled a hairbrush out of her bag and made me sit in a chair. She braided my hair into some complicated looking braid, and tied a little white ribbon at the end. My dress was black and white, and pretty much skin tight, since it seemed like Sophia was half a size smaller than I was, but it was okay. I would make it through this ceremony without breathing.

"Here," she said, shoving her make-up bag into my hands. "I don't think my foundation matches your ghostly white tone, but do something with your face. It is all red and sweaty," she said, shaking her head, and then kissing my cheek. "Love you, kid."

"I love you too, Mama Santino."

She was right, her foundation was about ten shades too dark for me, so I didn't put any on, just some eyeliner and mascara. I washed my face off, and I guess I looked okay for someone who jogged to the church in sweatpants and a tank top.

When I finally looked presentable, I walked towards the main part of the church. Sophia and her wedding party were all waiting to go in, and a little brunette caught my eye.

"Miss Olivia, you look smashing," I said, before she even saw me. She turned around and her face lit up like the fourth of July.

"Peyton!" she practically screamed and ran my way. She jumped right into my open arms and I held onto her for a minute. She was jabbering away in my ear about her dress and how pretty everything was, but I just focused on not crying. Olivia was one of the sweetest kids I had ever gotten the privilege of meeting, and I didn't get to see her as often as I used to. I missed the hell out of her, and I guess I missed the hell out of thinking what our family would have been like. I kissed her cheek and set her down.

"Here," she said, handing me a flower petal out of her basket.

"What's this for?" I asked, bringing it up to my nose and sniffing it.

"For luck," she smiled. I smiled back and looked up at Sophia, who was watching the whole exchange. I looked back down at Olivia.

"Thanks kid, I need it."

"Go ahead," Sophia winked at me, urging me to go find a seat before the wedding started. I opened the door and was amazed at how many people were here. As I walked down the aisle, I spotted a lot of friends that I had fallen out of touch with. All of the members of The Summer Set were there, along with most of Forever the Sickest Kids. That tour, while it was crazy, will never be forgotten. I waved at some of them as I passed, trying to find an open spot. Nick was standing up at the altar, talking to Justin, who was his best man. He looked the happiest I think I had ever seen him, and I had seen him through some happy times. When I was halfway down the aisle, Nick broke away from their conversation and saw me. I expected him to be mad, but a look of relief was evident in his face. He took off running down the aisle and enveloped me in a hug.

"I am so glad you are here," he whispered into my ear. Not a second later, I was sobbing into his shoulder.

"I am so sorry," I finally said, wiping my eyes and pulling back so I could look at him. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and then brought my head back to his shoulder, wrapping his other arm around me. "I missed you," I choked out, trying to speak over my tears.

"Shh," he said, finally pulling away and kissing my cheek. "I missed you too. I am glad you came." I nodded and wiped my eyes.

"Can we not fight ever again?" I asked.

"Deal," he said.

Just then a slow clap started from somewhere to my right. I looked over as Mama Santino was standing up, tears rolling down her cheeks and a huge smile on her face. Soon, everyone else who knew about our drama joined in, and I was embarrassed, so I ran to sit down next to Julia. Nick walked back up to the altar and waited for Sophia to make that short walk that separated them from marriage.

I looked over at Kennedy as soon as Olivia started practically dancing down the aisle, throwing flower petals everywhere. She looked like she was having the time of her life, and Kennedy looked like the proud father he was. After the bridesmaids, all dressed in a deep red, made their way down the aisle, the doors closed and it was time for my best friend to have his life changed. Now that I met her, I could honestly say that they would last, and I was happy for them.

As the doors opened, and we all stood up to look at Sophia, gasps erupted and I smiled, because she deserved every single one of them. I looked over to Nick, and just like that, I wanted to cry. The way he was looking at Sophia, was the way that Kennedy was looking at me when I walked down the aisle, however brief it may have been. I looked over at Kennedy again, and he was already looking at me. Our eyes locked, and my insides turned to jell-o. I quickly looked away and sat back down as soon as she made it to the altar. Her father, who was also the priest, walked her down the aisle and then took his position at the head of the church. The ceremony was beautiful, and I wasn't just saying that. It gave me hope that maybe one day, I would have a do-over. Maybe next time I wouldn't run away.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

"You know," Justin started his best man speech. "You may think I don't have stage freight, but that's a common misconception. You see, just because we sing in front of people almost every night we are on tour, giving a speech in front of people you don't know is so much worse. So I am going to keep this short and simple," Everyone laughed, but I knew Justin was being totally serious. "Nick and I have been friends for a while, and to be honest, I thought he would be alone forever, but god smiled down on him the day he crashed into Sophia. Literally," more laughs. "I can't say much for the cars, because they are both totaled, but if it wasn't for that collision, Nick would still be single, living in Braintree with his mom. I just wanted to say thank you to Sophia, for being so gorgeous that Nick couldn't look away. I don't think many car crashes have happy endings. Just take care of each other," he said, raising his glass, and everyone else did the same. "I love you, buddy." Justin smiled and Nick stood up and gave him a bro-hug.

We all applauded and listened to the Maid of Honor's speech. It was sweet, and A LOT longer than Justin's and Olivia was getting antsy.

"Where is mommy and daddy?" she asked, looking around.

"I don't know," I said, "Do you want to go find them?"

"Yes, please," she said, tugging on my hand. I placed my napkin in my chair and followed Olivia. We looked all around the church and then decided to look inside. We finally found them in the room that I changed in earlier.

"You were staring at her the whole time," Gabi yelled. I grabbed Olivia's arm and pulled her back. We weren't meant to hear this.

"No I wasn't, Gabi," Kennedy sighed, not even bothering to raise his voice.

"I saw it," she growled. I tried to back track my steps, pulling Olivia along with me, but the floorboard creaked and Gabi's head shot up, looking straight at us.

"You have got to be kidding me!" she yelled. "This doesn't concern you, Peyton," she spat out. "Why are you eavesdropping?"

"I wasn't," I answered, stepping in the room. Kennedy just shot me apologetic look. "Olivia wanted to find you guys, so I was helping her look. I didn't want her to get lost," I said.

"Stay away from my kid," she raised her voice again. "and stay away from Kennedy." I ignored her and squatted down in front of Olivia.

"Are you okay now, sweetie?" I asked. She just stared at Gabi, horrified, but she finally nodded. I stood up and looked over at Kennedy. He looked ragged and wore out. I am sure fighting with Gabi was horrible as I imagined it.

"I'll see you later, Olivia," I smiled at her. She smiled back and nodded.

"Peyton, just because you screwed up your chance at a family, don't you dare think you can come in here and screw up mine." I just stared at her. I didn't even know what to say.

"Gabi, stop!" Kennedy broke in, but she just pushed him away.

"Is your life so pathetic you have to interfere with everyone else's?" she asked.

"What are you even talking about?" I asked. Honestly, I had no idea what I was even interfering with.

"I saw you looking at Kennedy in there, and quite frankly, I think you need to get over it."

"I'll get right on that," I replied, letting go of Olivia's hand. She looked scared. She didn't like people yelling, and her mom was going off on a rampage. I squatted down in front of her again.

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked. She just shrugged and wrapped her arms around my neck.

"Olivia, come here," she demanded. Olivia just hugged me tighter. "Olivia Grace, come here. We are going home."

"You're scaring her," I said, lifting her. She wrapped her legs around my waist and laid her head on my shoulder.

"Don't act like you know the first thing about my daughter," Gabi said, walking towards me, to get Olivia, I imagined.

"Gabi, calm down," Kennedy said, again, but she ignored him. What was wrong with her? Gabi yanked Olivia from my arms, and Olivia immediately started crying. Gabi handed her to Kennedy, who shot me, yet another, apologetic look. I turned around to leave, when Gabi forcefully grabbed my arm, dug her nails in and let her other hand come flying across my face. It stung. It was undeserved, and it hit right across my cheekbone. My hand flew up to where she hit, and I wanted so hard to hit her back, but Olivia practically jumped out of Kennedy's arms, flying across the room and held my hand.

"Stop it, mommy," she yelled. This was getting out of control, and it was nothing a three year old should be seeing. I looked from Olivia to Gabi, and narrowed my eyes. "It's okay that you have a problem with me. It's normal. I understand it. But don't you ever pull something like this in front of Olivia again," I said, with clenched teeth. I picked up Olivia, despite Gabi's warning and walked back to the reception. This kid was a big part of my life, and as much as I wish she was my child and not Gabi's, I knew who she was leaving with, and I hated it.

"I am sorry mommy hit you," she sniffled. I kissed her forehead.

"Don't worry about it, Liv. Your mommy doesn't like me, and that's okay." I tried to comfort her.

"I love you, Peyton," she started, tears streaming down her face. "I thought that you and daddy were together, and you were going to be my other mommy, but that didn't happen. I miss you. I wish you and daddy would get back together and I could live with you instead of mommy," she stopped to take a breath and I put my finger over her mouth to quiet her down.

"Want to swing with me?" I asked her. She nodded, and we went outside and sat on the swing. It didn't take long to cheer her up again. Soon enough we were on the dance floor. Olivia had run to Nick, demanding that he play the YMCA. She dragged him onto the dance floor, and soon, everyone joined in. The kid was in heaven. She thought that Nick hung the moon, and so did I. He was amazing, and he would make a great dad.

I went to sit down and talk to Julia, until Nick asked me to dance. I grabbed his hand and he we danced. I wasn't paying attention to the song. Brighten was the entertainment of the hour. It was amazing to have friends in the music business at your wedding.

"I am so glad you came," he said again.

"So am I," I smiled. "She's amazing," I said, nodding to Sophia, who was dancing with Jared Monstercock Monaco.

"Believe me, I know," he said. "I want to tell you, before anyone knows," he said.

"Oh god," I smiled. It felt good to still be the first person he told things to.

"I'm going to be a dad," he chuckled, and my mouth fell open.

"You are shitting me," I gawked. He shook his head from side to side, still smiling.

"Oh my god," I said. "This is amazing!"

"We found out yesterday," he informed me. We were still swaying back and forth.

"Nicholas Bernard Santino, my how far you have come," I smiled, but I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, wiping it away.

"I am just so happy for you," I said.

"I love you, P." he said, pulling me into a hug. "And Soph and I discussed it. We want you to be the godmother."

"Stop it," I sniffled, "You're going to make me cry."

"Excuse me!" someone said, tugging on both my dress and Nick's jacket.

"Yes Miss Olivia, how can we help you?" Nick asked.

"I want to dance with you!" Olivia said, and Nick picked her up. "And you," she said, looking at me, "Can have my dance partner. He stinks at dancing," she giggled. I looked over to see John O'Callaghan awkwardly standing a few feet away, watching Olivia. I walked over to him, and he placed his hands gently on my hips, keeping his distance. Brighten started to play "We Are Birds," and I cringed. Of course they would play the song John sang that day on the swing, his ringtone when he called me.

"John," I started.

"I know. You're sorry," he interrupted. I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded.

"Are you sorry you did it or are you sorry you got caught?" he asked me.

"I am beyond sorry that I put both you and Ben through that. I don't know what I was doing."

"I accept your apology, Peyton," he sighed. "but it's going to take me a while to forgive you."

"I can live with that. I kind of have to, don't I?"

"Pretty much," he said. "Have you ever just tried being single?" he asked.

"That's what I am doing," I smiled. "My whole outlook on life was changed last night."

"Oh, the intervention. Pat told me about it," he nodded. Of course Krabby Patty did.

"I just want to know that we are going to be okay," I said. "I love you John, and I didn't mean to hurt you, I just got so caught up in-"

"Peyton," he interrupted, "Shut up and dance with me," he smiled. So I did.

/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\

I caught a ride home from Julia. It was midnight by the time I got home. I jumped as I rounded the porch. A figure was sitting down on the steps, his head buried in his hands.

"Kennedy?" I asked before I got any closer. He looked up, and he was crying. I didn't mean he was shedding a few tears, he was sobbing.

"Oh my god, Kenny," I said, running to the porch. "What happened."

"I didn't know where else to go," he wiped his nose. "I just knew you could help me."

"Help you with what?" I asked, trying to get him to spit it out. This was scaring me.

"I know you love Olivia," he started.

"Kennedy, what?" I asked. I hated that it took him forever to tell me what was going on. I hated it and loved it, because it was what he did every time.

"Gabi," he yelled, standing up, pacing back and forth. "She took Olivia and bolted. She took my car, she took my kid, and she left."

"Call the police, Kennedy. She stole your car, and she can't take your kid away from you like that."

"Well, I didn't know what to do," he said, burying his hands in his hair. "We got home, she told me to go to hell, took my keys and just left. I don't know if she's gone for a little while, or if she's long gone."

"Kennedy," I said, digging for my phone, fumbling with it when I found it. "Call the cops," I said, thrusting my phone into his hands. He hung the phone up and tossed it into the grass.

"We have to go find her," he said.

"Call the cops, Kenny!" I said, for the last time.

"Damn it, Peyton, I just need you to do this with me. The cops never do anything." I looked around at the lack of a car, and then ran into the house, taking the keys to Jared's baby. He would understand.

"I'll drive," he said, trying to suck the tears back.

"No," I said, pushing him towards the passenger seat. "Let me take care of you for once," I said. Then we hit the open road, heading to any and everywhere Kennedy thought Gabi would take Olivia.

I was tired already, but this was important. We had to find her, and neither of us would sleep until we did. That was a promise.


	13. You Have My Attention

Doing something I haven't done the whole time I have been writing, and that is to introduce the story through someone else's view. I am going to do this for the next few chapters until the finale, where it will switch back to Peyton's. Ever wonder how Kennedy thinks? You are about to find out.

**Kennedy's Point of View:**

Not knowing where your daughter is, single handedly the most terrifying thing that any parent will ever have to go through. I thought Peyton leaving me at the altar was bad, but that was cake compared to this. I have no idea where else Gabi would take her. It was 4:32 a.m. and we had been at this for about four hours, searching every place I knew to go, but not a whole lot was open. Peyton left her cell phone laying in the front yard, and my phone was dying. I was amazed her cell phone was still in one piece with how she treated it. I looked at her, and I couldn't breathe. The whole car smelt of her shampoo and her favorite perfume, which ironically, was called Daisy. Even though she was sitting right next to me, I missed her more than she would ever know. I tried to take a deep breath, but literally, I couldn't breathe. My breaths were getting shallow and shorter, and I started to panic.

"Kennedy?" she asked, her eyes resting somewhere between me and the road. "Kennedy, you're having a panic attack," she rested her hand on my knee, and that made it even harder to breathe. "Put your hands on top of your head and count to 60." Now that just sounded dumb. I rolled my window down and stuck my head through, trying to get some air, but that only made it worse. The air dried out my mouth and tried to lodge its way down my windpipe.

"Trust me Kennedy, Julia has them a lot. Trust me," she repeated, squeezing my knee, and then retracting her hand completely. I missed the warmth instantly. I did what she demanded of me, and put my hands on the top of my head, and started counting.

"Out loud," she said. I rolled my eyes. She could be bossy sometimes.

"1, 2, 3…" I started. When I reached 40, my breathing started to regulate, and I was grateful that she was with me. "Thanks," I said, rolling my window back up.

"Sure," she said, trying her absolute hardest to keep her eyes open.

"Let's just go get a few hours of sleep. I don't know where else to look right now," I sighed.

"Shut up, I'm fine," she said, adjusting the volume on the stereo.

"Humor me," I said, pushing the button to make the stereo turn off completely.

"No, I don't want to waste any time."

"Pull over and let me drive then," I said.

"No way," she shook her head.

"Pull over," I demanded again.

"Fuck off."

"PULL OVER THE FUCKING CAR," I yelled.

"I knew you were going to say that," she laughed and did an illegal u-turn.

We drove in silence for a while. I didn't quite know what to say. All of our small talk had taken place earlier in the drive. Not talking was fine; it gave me time to study her. The way her hair was still tightly pulled into a braid. The skintight dress she was still wearing, the one that hugged her curves in all the right places. The bare feet, because she had taken her heels off and sat them on the passenger seat floorboard.

I was meant to be with her. I felt as if I was made for it. God created me just so she wouldn't have to roam the earth alone, making mistakes with all of the wrong men, but that's exactly what she was doing. John, Ben, every other guy she has ever been with, they were mistakes. I can't explain how I knew we were going to end up together, I just did.

"Where are you going?" I asked, watching her take a wrong turn, until I realized we were heading towards her house, and not mine.

"You said to go home," she started, looking slightly confused.

"I meant my house. I don't feel like talking to everyone right now."

I really didn't. I didn't want to answer the questions, I didn't want everyone tiptoeing around my problems. I wanted to sleep.

There was hesitation on her part, but she drove past her house and continued on the road to mine.

I reached for the spare key that, thankfully, was still taped under a pot. I didn't even think about what I had just done until I opened the front door. She stopped right inside of the hallway and tried to take it all in. Our house had changed. It wasn't our house anymore. I guess that was a lot to handle for her. Of course it was, it was like slap in the face, I imagine. The walls had all changed in color. The furniture was gone, replaced with different furniture. She didn't say anything though, just cleared her throat and stepped over the threshold. Some of Olivia's toys were lying on the ground when we passed through the living room, and it took all I had to hold it together. It didn't go unnoticed though; Peyton grabbed my hand, pulling me quickly away from the reminders of Olivia, and down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. She let go as soon as we reached our old room. Gone were the pictures of us, her drawings that were hung on the wall, any remainders of our year together. Everything that could have changed in this room did change. Nothing was in the same spot. I looked over at her as she took it all in. Maybe coming to my house was not such a good idea.

"I'm going to go sleep in the guest room," she said, backing away, "if there even is a guest room anymore," she muttered under her breath. I sighed as she walked away and then decided it was best just to focus on getting some sleep right now so that I could continue on the hunt for my daughter.

I laid there for about thirty minutes, tossing and turning, then just straight up staring at the ceiling. I couldn't sleep alone. I was used to always having someone in the bed with me. Olivia slept with me every single night because she had night terrors, and she was convinced that I kept the bad guys away. She said that I was stronger than Superman. I sighed and stood up. What I was about to do is something that I probably shouldn't do. As I opened the door and stepped out of my room, a little voice in my head was yelling at me, telling me to stop being an idiot and try to go to sleep. I ignored it. I opened the door to the guest bedroom as quietly as I could and peeked in. She looked dead, but that was how she always looked. She slept like a rock, nothing woke her up. As I slid into the bed next to Peyton, I didn't expect her to snuggle in close to me. I also didn't expect my hand to automatically snake around her waist, pulling her closer to me. This was not right, what was I doing? It was like I was on autopilot, and we were back to the old days, Peyton and Kennedy forever. I could wake up before she did and sneak back into my room. She would never notice I was in here.

I dozed off in minutes and entered the deepest, most amazing sleep I think I have ever had.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Kennedy," I heard. It was loud enough to wake me up, but I didn't want to open my eyes. Shit, I was supposed to sneak out before she woke up. Would she think I was being creepy? I just kept my eyes closed, thinking of what I was going to say. She kept repeating my name, and when I couldn't think of anything, I let my eyes lazily drift open and they locked on hers. Her face was so close to mine, I could feel her breath dance across my face.

"What are you doing in here?" she whispered.

"I couldn't sleep," I decided to answer truthfully, because what lie would get me out of this one? Plus, it was next to impossible for me to lie to her. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it. I guess I needed to keep explaining. "I haven't slept alone in a really long time. It's hard for me. Olivia usually sleeps on the foot of my bed. She kicks the shit out of me, but it comforts me. This is my bed. I haven't slept in the other bed in a while."

That took her by surprise.

"You guys have separate bedrooms?" she asked me.

"We've been having problems for a long time." I said with a shrug. She nodded, and shot me a look of sympathy. When had my life become a soap opera?

She stood up and stretched, and I watched as the back of her dress rose a few inches. Just a few more… oh man.

"Well," she started, and I had to draw my attention away from her ass. "I am going to go find some clothes, is that okay?"

"Of course," I nodded. Just like old times. She smiled and exited the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and my boner. What can I say? I am a man.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"Peanut butter and jelly fine?" I asked as we packed some things for the long drive I had planned.

"Do you have bananas?" she asked, putting some waters in a cooler.

"Yes?"

"Can I have a peanut butter and banana sandwich?"

"That sounds gross." I shook my head.

"Don't knock it until you try it," she said, hunting for food in my pantry like a hungry lion about to attack its prey.

"I guess you can have one," I shrugged, pulling a banana out of the fruit bowl and chopping it up.

"Thank you," she smiled, quickly pecking me on the cheek as she passed. It was something she had done a thousand times, and I usually didn't think anything of. But at that moment, it was all I needed. I dropped the knife and pulled her close to me, my lips instantly finding hers. It was that primal instinct to take what I wanted, but I knew I shouldn't have, because she went stiff in my arms and I instantly let her go.

She didn't say anything, she just continued walking to the cooler and dropping things in, shaking it off. Damn it Kennedy.

"Fuck," I sighed, and stuffed her sandwich into a baggie.

"It's fine," she said, adjusting the tank top she borrowed.

"It won't happen again, I promise."

She just nodded and picked up the cooler, taking it to the car. She didn't come back in, so I guess that meant that it was time to leave. I grabbed the spare key and promised myself that I would not come back without Olivia.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Where are we going?" she asked, putting her feet on the dashboard.

"Jared would kill you right now," I said, adjusting the volume of the stereo that was quietly ejecting the sweet tones of Ryan Adams.

"Well JMCM is not here right now, is he?" she asked rhetorically, kicking the dash for emphasis. "Where are we going?" she asked again. We had already left Tempe, heading towards Sedona. It was a little over two hours away.

"Gabi's mom's house," I said, drumming my fingers along with the tune.

"Oh," she nodded, and looked out of the window. We had already driven over 45 minutes so we were already about halfway there, but as I looked in my rearview, it seemed as if there would be some complications.

"Fuck, I wasn't even speeding," I said as I started slowing down and pulling to the side of the road.

"Well then why?" she asked, sitting up and watching the cop walk to my window. I rolled it down and before I could talk, he beat me to it.

"Step out of the car, sir."

"What is going on?" I asked, not moving.

"Step out of the car, sir." The officer repeated with more authority. I looked over at Peyton, and she just nodded, telling me to do what he said. I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the door. As soon as soon as both of my feet were planted firmly on the ground, he manhandled me, pushing me down on the hood of the car.

"Hands on the car, feet spread," he said.

"What is going on?" Peyton yelled from inside of the car.

"I will deal with you in a minute," he said.

"Isn't there some law against police brutality? You didn't even tell us what we did." I said, ignoring the man currently patting my genitals for concealed weapons. Like that would be where I put them. I would like the opportunity to have kids again someday if I wanted.

"This car has been reported stolen." The cop said, slapping some handcuffs on my wrist. "You, come here," he said motioning to Peyton.

"We didn't steal the car, it's our friends," I said as he started to pat down Peyton. He spent an awful long time checking her, and I could practically hear her eyes roll.

"Well if that was true, why would someone report it stolen?" the officer said, clearly annoyed with us.

"Listen, we just borrowed his car because my-" I started, but clearly, he didn't want to hear it.

"It's people like you who make my job a living hell. Just admit you stole it, and things will go a lot smoother. I have a low tolerance for liars."

"Can we call our friend?" Peyton spoke up.

"Sure, if that's who you want your one call to be." He nodded, pushing us towards his cruiser. Now I knew how John felt being manhandled by cops. Completely stupid.

The cop was on his radio, talking to someone at the station. "Found missing car license plate: JMCM88" Peyton and I both chuckled. "driven by Caucasian male, name: Kennedy Brock. Passenger female, name :Peyton Smith. They were driving on I-17 North, bringing them into the station now for questioning."

"Copy that." The person responded. I looked over at Peyton and she was already looking at me. We had to laugh, because this was just our luck.

Once we got to the station, they allowed us each a phone call. I immediately called Jared.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Asshole," I started, and then continued to tell him why we borrowed his car and why we didn't leave a note or anything and he just laughed. For a full minute, he laughed. I didn't see the humor in the situation right now. I wanted to look for my daughter, and Jared was being a monstercock.

"I'll drop the charges." Jared said. I handed the phone to the cop, who had to confirm that it was, in fact, Jared on the phone. Thirty minutes later, we were free to go, minor misunderstanding behind us.

"To Sedona," I said, putting my sunglasses on and opening the car door.

"To Sedona," Peyton nodded, climbing into the car.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

We stood on the porch for a minute or so, about to turn around and head home, when the door slowly opened, and we turned back around.

"John? Is that you?" she asked. I hadn't seen her in four years, but she looked the same. I smiled and gave her a hug.

"It's Kennedy now," I corrected her.

"Oh right, I heard something about that. Who is this?" she asked, smiling at Peyton.

"This is Peyton," I said. She held out her hand for Gabi's mom to shake, and she took it.

"You are all Olivia talked about," she said.

"Olivia is here?" I asked. I didn't see my car in the driveway.

"Was here. They left quite a while ago. They got here around 2 or 3 this morning."

"Do you know where Gabi went?"

"No," she replied. "But I can call her, if you want. What is going on?" So I told her. I told her about the fight and Gabi taking my car. I told her how Gabi said that I would never see Olivia again.

"That doesn't sound like Gabi at all," she said, shaking her head. She walked inside, and I guess we were meant to follow her. As she grabbed her phone, I looked at the pictures she had set up on a table behind the couch. They were all of Olivia and Gabi. Pictures I hadn't seen before. It was making me miss Olivia even more. I picked up a picture, it looked as if it was taken last year. She was wearing teal, her favorite color, a big smile plastered to her face. Peyton came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me, and I leaned my head on top of hers.

"We'll find her," she reassured me. "We're already one step in the right direction." I nodded and set the picture down.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

"I think the GPS is broken," she said, tapping the screen. It was unresponsive. Great.

"Well, I think I remember how to get there," I said, chunking the GPS into the backseat.

"What are you going to do when we get there?" I asked.

"I don't know, but I need to try to call this number."

Gabi's mom called her and found out that she was at an ex boyfriends house just outside of Tempe. It was near my neighborhood, a few blocks away. I had Gabi's number, I just needed to call from a payphone. She might answer.

"There," Peyton pointed to a gas station, the payphone looking like a beacon of hope. I turned the car slowly into the parking lot, and jumped out of the car.

I had to try punching the phone number in 4 times before I got it right, I was shaking so hard.

Four rings and then she picked up.

"Hello?"

"Gabi, don't hang up," I started but she cut in.

"Leave me alone, Kennedy."

"You can't keep her away from me, and you stole my car."

"I can keep her away from you." Click.

And when that click and nothingness rang through my ears, it was time I took this to the next level. I stormed to my car and slammed it in reverse.

"Whoa, went that well?" she asked, but I didn't say anything. I needed back up, because there was no way I was going to get Olivia back alone.

I stepped on the clutch, shifted the car into first gear and slammed my foot down on the gas pedal. When I finally got the car into 5th gear, I was rounding 90 miles an hour. Not fast enough. I pushed down on the gas pedal and ignored Peyton's constant nagging.

We went five miles before attracting the attention of a cop. He followed me for another five miles until he started trying to get me to pull over. Soon he would call for back-up. Perfect.

We were only a few miles away, and Peyton looked scared, but she knew what I was doing.

"What was the house number?" I asked.

"Uh 546 I think," she said.

I barreled into the driveway slamming on my brakes and stepping out of the car. 6 guns were all pointed at me and Peyton.

"Let me explain," I started.

"You have the right to remain silent," one of them started.

"Seriously, let him explain," Peyton said, walking around the car and grabbing my hand, urging me to explain before something really bad happened.

"You have one minute."

So in under a minute, I convinced the cops that Gabi was the bad guy here, after stealing my daughter and my car, and they took action, forgetting the fact that we had a high speed car chase just moments before.

They knocked on the door. Nobody answered the it.

"Are you sure it was 546?" I asked, squeezing her hand lightly.

"No," she said, biting her lip, trying to remember correctly. She looked so cute.

"Where is your car, sir? If she is here, your car would be here too."

"It's" I said, looking around. "Well, we may have the wrong house."

"No, look," Peyton pointed to my Honda Civic that was parked around the side of the house. She was here.

"Well, we can't just break into this house, I am sorry," one of the cops said. I nodded. My plan didn't work as I had hoped.

Then we heard it, a scream.

"DADDY," she screamed, and then muffled sobs.

"Shut her up," someone else yelled.

The cops heard it too. "Stand back," one of them said to us.

"Police," one of them yelled as they kicked the door open. What had my life come to? What happened to the years of touring and fun? What happened to my youth? What happened to guitar strings and amps? Now I had Barbie Dolls and sippy cups, and I wouldn't trade that for the world. Drama, lies, cops and guns on the other hand, I would trade.

It took everything I had not to run into that house and hold Olivia. I heard her screaming. She was scared. Peyton squeezed my hand and I pulled her close. I was thankful she was with me for all of this. I needed her. Nobody would ever understand the love I truly had for her. I resent Gabi everyday for splitting us up. But as they carried my baby girl out of the door, Gabi and her ex boyfriend in handcuffs being escorted to the car, I felt that things in my life were about to change for the better.

The second she basically jumped into my arms, my whole world was complete again. She was still crying, but so was I. So was Peyton.

I knew I would get her back, I just didn't know it had to be this way. Gabi could have taken the grown up route, but she didn't.

She stole my car and she took my daughter away. I knew she wouldn't get actual jail time for this, but just seeing the cruiser drive away with her face peeking out of the back window gave me satisfaction. Was that wrong?

One of the cops brought me the keys to my car and said that after he asked Olivia some questions, we were free to go. She answered them like a champ. Some of what she said scared me. I won't get into that though, there is no need. I had her back. That was all that mattered to me.

/\/\/\/\/\

"Are you going to stay?" she asked Peyton, when we were tucking her safely into her bed.

"I need to get Uncle Jared his car back tonight, baby. I am sorry."

That hurt me a little bit. I thought after all we had been through together would have somehow, I don't know, made us closer. Wishful thinking, I suppose.

"Peyton, don't leave," she said, her eyes starting to fill up with tears.

"I," she hesitated and looked at me. I just smiled politely and exited the room, letting them discuss it.

I needed a beer. And that was exactly what I got.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"She's a smart little sucker," Peyton said, plopping down next to me on the couch.

"Why?" I asked, taking a sip of my all too deserved beer.

"She tricked me into staying," she said shaking her head.

"How?" I asked.

"I don't want to go into it."

"She asked you to play 'Chutes and Ladders,' didn't she?"

"She's like a god damned pro," she smiled, stealing my beer and taking a sip.

"We should start some bets, we could make loads of money," I said, stealing my beer back. She just chuckled and then she went quiet.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"Yes," she said. Usually girls lied and said nothing was wrong.

"What is it?" I asked.

"I don't think I can stay here tonight," she said, biting her lip.

"Why?"

"Because," was all she replied with.

"Because?"

"Because you took me by surprise with that kiss today, Kennedy and if I stay, well," she stopped, and looked at me, "well, I am going to want to repeat it. Over and over and over again."

There was instantly a lump in my throat. I was dreaming, I just had to be.

"I-I-" I stammered, but no actual words were coming out of my mouth.

"I love you," she said, with a shrug. So nonchalant, like it was something she tells me every day. "But I can't just start something again. I need time, and if I stay here tonight, well, things might start."

"I said I was sorry about earlier," I began, but she shrugged it off and gave me a small peck on the lips. There she goes with those mixed signals again. It was what she was a pro at.

"It's okay."

I decided that I didn't want to have this conversation anymore so I flipped on the TV. One Tree Hill reruns were on soapnet, so I turned them on for her. She didn't even make it through one episode before she fell asleep with her head resting gently on my shoulder.

I never told anyone how much it hurt me when she started messing around with John and Ben, but it hurt like hell. She was making mistakes. Everything she needed was here, under this roof. Peyton, Olivia and Kennedy, doesn't it sound like the perfect family?

It did to me.

I covered her exposed legs up with a blanket, and leaned my head against the back of the couch. I wasn't going to leave her out here alone, because I would waste these precious moments with her. Tomorrow would come, and she would give all of her attention to Olivia.

That was okay, because tonight, tonight she was mine. If all I got was one night, consider me lucky.


	14. This Is For You

Here I was in a stupid party hat, at my stupid friend's house, watching him and my stupid ex girlfriend giggle in the stupid corner. I watched my date make her way through the crowds of people she didn't know, carrying two cups of punch. I forgot her name. I met her last night. She was hot, but she was as dumb as a doorknob.

"Thanks," I said as she handed it to me. She just nodded and looked around.

"Whose party is this again?" she asked. As if the Disney Princess decorations didn't scream the answer.

"Obviously it's mine," I said, taking a sip of the punch. Damn it, why wasn't it spiked? Because this was a four year olds birthday party, of course.

She just laughed like a hyena and slapped my arm playfully. She didn't get the undertones of blatant sarcasm and annoyance dripping from my "joke."

"Seriously, Johnny, whose is it?"

Johnny? Hold the phone. No.

"My name is John," I sighed, trying to tune her out and find someone else to talk to. Why did I even bring her with me? "and it's my nieces birthday. She's four."

"Aww, I didn't know you had a niece!" she cooed into my ear, like that turned her on. If it did, I was scared for both of us.

"She's not technically my niece. She's," I stopped. Why was I still talking to her? "Excuse me." I nodded towards her and made my escape. She was the fourth girl this week that had spent the night with me, but she was the only one who couldn't take a hint.

I sat my cup on the table and went into the kitchen, on the prowl for something a little more, how do I put this, alcoholic.

There was no beer. What was this? There were Smirnoff's. How girly.

"If I got a solo cup nobody would ever know," I whispered to myself and when in search of a cup. I knew Kennedy had a stash for beer pong, but I could only find child size party cups. The one I picked up had Ariel on it. Hot.

I cracked open the Smirnoff and poured the overly sweet drink into my overly kiddy cup. There, embarrassment averted. Damn I was smart.

"You think you're so smooth, don't you?" I didn't even have to turn around to know who it was. She caught me, and as much as I was telling myself that I didn't want to talk to her, I did. Shit. The war that was happening in my head was keeping me from doing anything. I stood there like an idiot, stuck in a trance.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yup," I said, turning around to look at her. She was practically radiating, she looked so alive, vibrant. I was wearing a Disney Princess party hat. Way to go, John. I took the hat off and set it on the counter. "How are you?" I asked, being polite, although I should have bolted.

"I'm good," she said, with a small smile. I bet she was. "Are you ready for tour?"

"Oh yeah," I nodded, taking a sip of my drink. God it was terrible. There was a long awkward silence, almost as if she wanted me to elaborate, but I didn't.

"Good," she forced a smile and nodded at me, ending our short conversation. As she left the kitchen, I should have felt like a dick, but I didn't, because I knew she was going to find Kennedy.

I never came second in my whole life. I guess that's why I didn't take losing to Kennedy lightly. I knew they weren't together, but in my head, I let my thoughts go wild, and where they went, I needed brain floss.

Fuck.

I downed the rest of my vile drink, and searched the fridge for something better but, of course, there was nothing.

"Uncle John, are you looking for beer?" a tiny voice asked. I closed the fridge and looked down at the midget next to me. She was wearing a yellow dress with a tiara. God, what I wouldn't do for this girl.

"Olivia, are you stalking me?" I asked, setting down my cup and lifting her easily into my arms.

"If I told you that I knew where daddy kept the beer, would you make that awful lady you came with go home. She tried to talk to me about Sesame Street, but hello, I am four. What does she think I am, two?"

"What a bitch," I said with a smile. She clasped her hands over my mouth and giggled.

"Whrrs duhh brrrrr?" I asked against her hand. She didn't move it, just kept giggling, so I licked it.

"OHMYGOSH EW," she screeched at a decibel my ears hadn't ever heard before and retracted her tiny hand from over my mouth. Not to brag or anything, but I was her favorite uncle, if you didn't count Nick. That dick had me one up on that.

"Where's the beer, kid?" I asked as I set her on the ground. There might have been something wrong with a four year old dragging you through her own party on a beer run. That's just how Miss Olivia and I rolled.

She took me to the door that led into the garage, but she paused with her hand on the doorknob before she opened it.

"You have to promise to make the bitch go home, Uncle John," she said, without an ounce of humor. She was dead serious. It wouldn't hurt me if she went home.

"Deal," I said, holding out my hand for a fist bump. "Do you eat with that mouth?" I asked as she led me into the garage. She just smiled at me and opened the refrigerator they had stocked with, yes, beer. I felt like I should have been a good role model and discourage the cursing, but I couldn't. I found it humorous.

"Want one, kid?" I asked, but she just giggled and shook her head.

"I am four," she said, placing her hands on her hips.

"Oh right," I said, pulling my keys out of my pocket to use my bottle opener keychain. Oh, the memories.

"_I can't believe Kennedy hid our only bottle opener," I said, walking down the aisles of the Piggly Wiggly. I didn't realize these stores actually still existed, but we were somewhere in Alabama, and oh yeah, they still did._

"_He thinks you drink too much," Peyton informed me._

"_He thinks YOU drink too much," I corrected her. "Do they even have bottle openers here?"_

"_Sure, this is Alabama. That's one thing they will never run out of."_

"_Do you miss it here?" I asked her, even though I knew how she felt about this state._

"_Oh yeah, everyday. This state and I were close, like this," she said, crossing her fingers. "It will always hold a tiny piece of my heart. Are you kidding me? Fucking hate this state," she finished, linking her arm through mine_

"_I am going to say that this store does not have bottle openers."_

"_I am going to say that this store has exactly one bottle opener," she pointed to something dangling off of the corner of a shelf._

"_Thank you, Jesus," I said, going to grab for it the same time she did. We bumped heads and both started cursing rather loudly._

"_Smooth," she said, rubbing her head. I smiled and kissed the section of her head that had moments before collided into mine. She smiled and stood on her tip toes to kiss mine, but I moved lightening fast to make sure that her lips met mine. When they did, she instantly wrapped her arms around me. I lifted her up and leaned her gently against the shelf. What had started out as an innocent kiss turned into something, well, not so innocent. My hands were all over her, and from what I could tell, she didn't seem to mind. Things started falling off of the shelf, but we didn't care. We didn't care until we heard glass shatter. I set her down, grabbed the bottle opener, grasped for her hand and then we bolted. We ran for what seemed like forever until we reached the bus. It was parked down the street._

"_Step on it, Phil," Peyton said as she was still climbing onto the bus._

"_You got it."_

_It wasn't until Peyton and I caught our breaths that we realized we forgot to pay for the bottle opener. I held it up, and we both laughed. It was tiny, it was a keychain, and it was shaped like a monkey._

"Uncle John?" she said, tugging my hand, trying to get me to snap out of it.

"Sorry," I said, following her back through the door. I went back to the kitchen and picked up the same Ariel cup I had before and poured my beer into it.

"Peyton's going to catch you," Olivia said, watching me. I picked her up and set her on the counter next to me.

"Do you think I am scared of Peyton?"

"Yes," she said with a smile.

"She already caught me once. And, for your information, squirt, I am not scared of Peyton. She can suck it."

"I can suck what?" Peyton asked, leaning against the wall, arms crossed.

"I didn't say that you could suck anything. I said that you could…" I thought for a minute. "Fuck it, I said you could suck it."

"John, language," she said, narrowing her eyes. Olivia giggled and hopped down from the counter. She started dancing her way out of the kitchen. She stopped and turned around. "Remember Uncle John, make her LEAVE!"

"Yes ma'am," I nodded towards her.

"You really do need to watch your mouth around her," Peyton said, trying to clean up the mess in the kitchen. "She cusses like there is no tomorrow. She has ever since we got her back and I don't understand why."

"I'll try," I sighed, taking a sip of my beer and watching her. "Can you stop playing housewife for a minute and come talk to me. I haven't talked to you since Nick's wedding." She dropped what she was doing and slowly walked over.

"They come back from their honeymoon today," Peyton said. "Nick didn't want to miss Olivia's birthday."

"Isn't that sweet," I said, setting my beer down. She ignored my sarcastic tone.

"How's life?" she asked, pushing herself up to sit on the counter.

"It's life. How about you?"

"Same," she said.

"It could get a lot better if you came on tour with us," I tried.

"I can't. I have to stay with Olivia." I nodded, and then there was silence. It was becoming a reoccurring thing.

"Why is talking so awkward for us now?" she asked, turning her body so that she was facing me. I looked at her and shrugged.

"Maybe it's because you broke my heart and then without skipping a beat, went running back to Kennedy."

"That isn't fair, John," she sighed and hopped off of the counter, starting to make her way out of the kitchen. "I can't say how sorry I am for that whole incident, but I am not with Kennedy. I just really hope one day you can forgive me."

"Lainey, wait," I blurted out. She turned around and came running back into my arms. I kissed her forehead.

"Corny, I'm sorry for everything," she sniffled. Damn girls and their tears.

"I know," I sighed, laying my head down on top of hers.

"I just think we need to-"

"Do we have anymore cups?" Kennedy asked, walking into the kitchen. Just as soon as he rounded the corner, his face twisted into something I recognized well. Anger, maybe a little hate, definitely some jealousy. This was what I needed the day before we left for tour. He turned around and stormed out.

"We need to what?" I asked.

"Nothing," she sighed, pushing her hair out of her face, her gaze following Kennedy's retreating form.

"Oh, well then on that note, I am going to take my date home, per Olivia's demands, and I guess go pack for tour." I said, releasing Peyton and picking up my beer. She wiped her eyes and nodded.

Why did I still love her? She turned my world upside down, not that I hadn't shaken hers up too. I knew I was a dick and tried to prevent anyone from getting close to her, but I had to. She was my Lainey. She was the kid I went to summer camp with, the girl I stole a bottle opener with, the first, and only girl, that I ever fell in love with. Fuck.

"We're leaving," I said to my date as soon as I found her.

"But Johnny," she started pleading. Hell no. I did not play this game.

"Let's go," I said. "See you on the flip side, squirt." I said as I passed her on the way out.

"Bye, Uncle John," she replied, with a wave.

As soon as I started walking down the lighted path, a car pulled up, and I knew who it was before they even got out.

"Oh boy, do you look satisfied," I joked as soon as Nick stepped out of the car.

"You have no idea," he said, giving me a hug.

"How was it?"

"The honeymoon or the sex?" he asked.

"Both."

"Oh, so good," he smiled.

"Olivia is waiting for you inside. I filled the favorite uncle role while you were gone, but now that you're back, I guess I will have to give you back the title."

Nick chuckled. "See you later," he called out as he walked inside. Sophia wasn't with him, I guess.

Nobody was able to get a hold of Nick the whole time he was on vacation, so I guess tonight would be the night he heard all about Gabi taking Olivia. He would flip his shit. Glad I was leaving.

/\/\/\/\/\

I knew she was here, sitting on the side of the bed. She used to wake me up this way. Her fingers were slowly running through my messy hair. I didn't want to open my eyes, because I knew that she would stop once I was awake. I just wanted this to continue forever. She stopped, though, and I h8'd lyfe.

"Why did you stop?" I asked, eyes still closed, my voice a tad whinier than I aimed for.

"I'm not stupid, I knew you were awake," she said, standing up and adjusting her bag on her shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Well, considering I live here, and you are laying in my bed, why wouldn't I be here?"

"Sorry. Nick was back, so I couldn't crash at his house anymore. I just figured you were spending the night at Kennedy's. "

"Why would I spend the night at Kennedy's?" she asked, digging through her drawers for something.

"Because, you both need to get laid." I joked, wiping my eyes.

"If you don't get ready, they are going to leave you," she said, ignoring my joke. Granted, it wasn't very funny, but now I felt like a dick.

"They won't leave me. I am the lead singer."

"I don't know. I think they would be fine without you. Between Kennedy and Jared, it would be fine."

"Well, tell them to go ahead." I said, rolling over and placing a pillow over my head.

"I'll go in your place," she teased. Thing was, she could. I didn't want her to, because people would realize how amazing she was and I would be out of a job.

"Fine," I grunted, rolling out of the bed and sliding my jeans on.

"I just came in here to make sure you were up, and to give this back to you," she said, finally finding what she was looking for. She turned around and held it out to me. I grabbed it and wondered how the hell she got this.

"Did you-"

"Borrow. I borrowed it," she cut me off. "The last day, no matter how mad we were at each other, I kept it as a reminder of who we used to be."

I looked for this picture for everywhere. Not once did I think she would steal it.

"I just thought you might want to hang it in your bunk again," she finished, adjusting her bag again. She seemed to do that when she was nervous, I noticed.

"Uh, yeah. Thanks," I said, bending over, housing the picture with the others.

"Sure. What time are the guys picking you up?"

"In," I looked at the clock on my phone. "Twenty minutes. Sure you don't want to go?"

"I have never been so sure of anything in my life. This tour should be nice and drama free for everyone."

"Sure, it was full of drama, but you and Julia made it fun."

"John, you guys haven't toured since then. That was over a year ago. I single handedly drove a wedge between you and your best friend."

"As if you don't now?"

As soon as the one sentence escaped my mouth, I wanted to take it back. I wanted to rewind and think before I opened my big mouth.

She didn't say anything, but the tears forming in her eyes were very real. I caused them, I made them fall.

"Shit," I whispered. "Fuck," I said, running my hand through my hair.

"Have a good tour, John," she said.

"No wait, don't go," I said, following her out of the door.

"You know, I may not make the best choices. I fuck up a lot, but don't you dare, DON'T YOU DARE make me feel like I am the only person at fault for this huge mess we all seem to relive every single day."

"Is it mine or Kennedy's fault that you can't seem to choose?"

"Was it Halvo's fault that I cheated on him with you? Was that my fault? NO, it was your fault."

"We aren't talking about Eric. We are talking about you and me and Kennedy. Oh, let's throw Ben in there too, just for a little fun." I wanted to stop the words from coming out of my mouth, but they just kept coming out. I had a case of word vomit.

"How many times do I have to say I am sorry for that?" she shouted, wiping her eyes.

"Sorry for what? That it happened or that you got caught."

"You think you're so much better than me, John? I am not stupid. I know you have a different girl everyday this week. Trying to fill an empty void in your life? A big empty space?"

"What I do is no concern of yours, princess." I said, grabbing my bag, stomping down the hallway and slamming through the screen door. I sat my bag down on the porch and waited for they guys. A few minutes later I heard the door open and close, very quietly.

"I just," she started, her voice calm and composed. "I want to be sure that who I end up with is the right person."

I wanted to say so many things. I wanted to say that I was the right person, that we made sense together, but not matter how much I thought that, I knew she didn't. I wasn't the kind of person you brought home to meet your dad. I wasn't the kind of person you married and shared a life with. I wasn't Kennedy.

"I'm an asshole," I sighed, thinking about everything I had just unleashed on one of my best friends.

"John, there is something I need to tell you," she said. She looked strong, but I could tell that on the inside, she was a mess.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Get your fat ass in the van," Garrett yelled out of the window. Kennedy opened the side door and caught Olivia, who was waiting to jump into his arms. He set her down and she ran full speed towards Peyton, who had forgotten that she was about to tell me something, that I think, was pretty important.

Whatever she was going to tell me, I guess would have to wait. I hugged her goodbye, and told her I loved her. She said it back, but I knew it didn't hold the same meaning as mine did. She hugged Kennedy and Pat and Garrett and Jared, and told them all she loved them.

I was nothing special. I was her past.

I had a feeling that I wasn't going to be her future.

There was still time to change that, but for now, I would give her the space she needed. Right now, I would try to not think about whatever it was she was going to tell me.

I set a goal for myself right then and there.

John's one and only goal for this tour: Sleep with as many girls as I could to try to get over Peyton Elaine Smith.

That was a goal I intended to keep.


	15. Stand In the Spotlight

It was a terrible noise. A crunch followed by an ear shrieking cry. I tried to stop in time, but I couldn't. I couldn't swerve around it, or I would have hit the car passing on the other side of the road. I closed my eyes and prayed to god it would go between my tires. No such luck. It was captured between my tire and the road as my Jeep treated the tiny dog like a speed bump. I hated hitting animals, but really, who didn't?

I parked my Jeep on the side of the road and climbed out. I had to move the poor animal before it turned into what I liked to call "road pancake." By the time I rounded the back tire, the dog was gone. I didn't have to look very hard for it though, I just had to follow the cries of pain. It was then that I realized where I was, whose dog it was, dragging its hind legs behind it. I also realized who the brunette running full speed towards me was, her hair flying wild in the wind. I cursed under my breath, and counted to ten in my head, trying to keep my blood pressure normal, otherwise, I would have climbed back in my Jeep and peeled out of here without a second thought. That would have been the coward's way out of this one, though.

"Daisy!" she screamed, afraid to pick the tiny pug up. I felt bad that I ran over her best friend's dog, but I really had no choice. I awkwardly leaned against my Jeep, debating on whether or not to bolt. I don't know if she had seen me yet, fuck. She just saw me.

"Ben?"

"Hey," I sighed, scratching the back of my neck. "I really," I hesitated, trying to find the right words, "she just, it was an accident." I said, gesturing towards the dog.

"I know," she said, sucking back tears. "But Julia took the kids to get ice cream and I don't have a car. Are you going anywhere important?"

Yes. Band Practice. Work.

"No." I lied. Why? Why was I doing this to myself? Because I just ran over her favorite dog. Because she was crying.

"Can you give me a ride to the vet?" she asked, running back inside full speed before I could even answer. She knew I would say yes. I am a sucker.

/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\

The car ride to the vet's office was a level of torture all of its own. She kept whispering things to Daisy, trying to keep her calm. She had her wrapped up in a blanket she had stolen from Julia's house.

I didn't know what to say to her. We hadn't talked since that night I had left her at the venue. I do admit, it was a dick thing to do, but our whole relationship was a lie. She had been cheating on me the whole time. With John O'Callaghan, sex personified. Call me insecure if you want, but next to that guy, who wouldn't be?

"Thank you, for driving her to the vet," she finally spoke up, looking out of the window.

"I feel terrible," I said.

"It's not like you meant to hit her," she said, finally looking at me, reaching out and touching my hand. I know she didn't mean anything by it, I know that's just the kind of person she was, but I think I hurt her feeling when I jerked my hand out from under hers. I honestly don't think that I even care if I hurt her feelings.

"Where is this place?" I asked.

"Just keep driving, I'll tell you," she said. "Look, I know I'm not your favorite person, and I know that we have been avoiding each other-"

"I haven't been avoiding you," I said. "It's not like our lives ever really crossed paths beyond the bookstore, and since I work there, I would say that you are the one avoiding me."

"Whatever Ben, I just wanted to say that I am sorry about everything. I just hope we can put the past behind us and somehow stay friends."

"We were never friends," I stated. She just sighed, obviously giving up. I didn't have to be nice. I may have ran over her best friends dog, and I was truly sorry about that, but she willingly cheated on me for weeks, and it took her this long to apologize. I wasn't going to forgive her that easily, and to be honest, I wasn't sure if I was going to forgive her at all.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

"It's looking at me." I said, trying not to hyperventilate.

"Stop it," she said, nudging me, urging me to look away from the eleven foot snake wrapped around its owner's fat neck. The only thing I hated worse than snakes were, well nothing. There was nothing I hated worse than snakes.

"It just hissed at me," I said, clenching my fists into balls, feeling the sweat collecting on my brow. Peyton stood up and moved, taking the seat between the snake and me, totally blocking my view. Either she was fearless or she was just really good at acting like nothing bothered her.

"Better?" she asked. I finally allowed myself to really look at her for the first time. She had no make-up on, which was something I thought I would never see. Her hair was a few shades darker, and it suited her. Her eyes were puffy from crying. I had caused that.

"Yes. Thank you," I finally answered. She nodded and looked around at all of the animals lying on the floor, waiting to be seen. They instantly took Daisy back for x-rays when we arrived. She seemed a little worse off than all of the other animals. Peyton hadn't even bothered to call Julia to tell her what was going on.

"Smith," the veterinarian called as soon as he stepped through the door. Peyton stood up, and to my horror, so did the man with the fucking snake. Peyton and her stupid common last name. I almost fainted when the snake stuck its tongue out at me, its beady eyes peering into my soul.

"Ms. Smith," the doctor clarified. The snake's owner sat his fat body back down, the chair almost collapsing from his weight. I fought the decision to stay in the waiting room momentarily, but decided to follow Peyton. I didn't want to be the snake's lunch. I don't even care if that was possible or not. Fuck that snake.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

We were in the back room, looking at the x-ray the veterinarian was showing us, pointing at various bones that Daisy used to have. Now they were just shattered fragments of nothing.

"It seems like she tried to dive out of the way, causing her hind legs to get left behind, which is what took the weight of the impact."

"Oh god," Peyton sighed, crossing her arms, staring at the pictures. "Can you fix it?"

"It will take multiple surgeries, but yes, we can repair the damage," the doctor answered. I looked over at Peyton and I saw the relief evident in her face.

"How much will it cost?" I asked. I wasn't stupid, I knew nothing was free. I didn't mean to crush Peyton's euphoric state, but real questions had to be asked now.

"That depends, do you have pet insurance?"

"Who insures their pet?" Peyton laughed, nervously. "That is ridiculous."

"Well, without it, it could cost anywhere from one to four thousand dollars."

"You have got to be shitting me," she whispered under her breath, but it was louder than she intended. The vet just stared at her. I am sure he was used to Julia's grace and manners, not Peyton's.

"Julia and Garrett don't have that kind of money," she started pacing that small room. "Will just got sick and they just had to pay for his doctor bill. If Cameron helped out with anything for his own son, oh god don't even get me started on that."

"Peyton," I tried to stop the rant that had already started but it was too late.

"And I don't have that kind of money. I can't borrow it from my dad because I just borrowed money from him. Do you have any money?"

"I have like, four hundred dollars to my name," I said, shaking my head.

"Shit," she kept going, "I could ask to borrow it from Kennedy, but I don't think he has it right now. I am not borrowing anything from John. I wonder if I could borrow it from Nick or Mama Santino or," she went silent as her phone started to vibrate in her hand. She took a deep breath before she answered it.

"Hey Julia," she greeted, as cheerfully as she could. "I have to tell you something." I tuned her out, because I wasn't the kind of person who liked to hear people give other people bad news, so I focused on the x-rays. I really messed Daisy up. If I had been driving a few miles slower, or left my house a few minutes earlier, this would have never happened, but it did. It just goes to show you that fate can be a bitch sometimes. Peyton hung up the phone and started pacing back and forth again.

"We need to make a decision soon. We can either proceed with surgery or discuss the alternative," the doctor said, becoming impatient with all of Peyton's freaking out and pacing.

"Well what is the alternative?" she asked. I sighed, because I already knew the answer.

"Well, to euthanize her would be the only other alternative," he informed her, without a hint of compassion.

"Do the surgery. We will come up with the money," she said, grabbing her bag off of the floor and walking out of the room. I guess this conversation was over.

\/\/\/\/\/\/\/

"How are we going to come up with that much money?" I asked her, taking a bite of my burrito. Chipotle just happened to be a few blocks away from the vet's office. I couldn't pass it up.

"I don't know," she sighed, pushing her fork around her burrito bowl. "We have to come up with something. Julia couldn't even talk. She had to hang up, she was crying so hard."

"God, I feel like a dick."

"Shut up. This isn't your fault," she said, trying to make me feel better. It didn't' work. She kept tapping her fingers on the metal table, trying to come up with anything. It took her thirty-two minutes.

"A charity concert!" she said, punching me, like she had just come up with the best idea in the world. Actually, she had.

"A charity concert," I repeated. "Why didn't we think of this earlier?"

She looked at her phone. "It's already two. We need to organize this as fast as we possibly can. I need you to drive me home. Then I need you to go round up the rest of WAD because you guys are playing."

"But I have work tonight," I said. She just stared at me.

"You ran over my best friend's dog."

"Fine," I sighed. I guess I could call in tonight.

"Good. I will organize the rest of the bands. I have a few favors to call in," she said, rubbing her hands together.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

"Gibbs, you are doing this for me," she had been arguing with him for a full five minutes. I couldn't hear what was being said on his side of the conversation, but I wasn't sure that I wanted to.

"Yes, and you can shove those sexual favors up your ass. You owe me, I don't owe you," she was using her stern voice. I couldn't tell if she was going to win this one, but I hoped she would. We needed some good acts for this concert, and Austin Gibbs would definitely qualify as a good act.

"Austin, can you please just do this one thing for me. No. Fine, I will add one more sexual favor to the pot. Two more? A mustache ride? Are you kidding me? That's so gross? You asshole. I will see you at five." She hung up the phone, grinning from ear to ear.

"He is so gross. There is no way he ever had a mother."

"Mustache ride?" I asked, intrigued.

"No way in hell. I just go along with it because it is the only way I can get him to do things. I never follow through."

"Who else are you going to try to get to play?" I asked. So far we had Walking After Dark and Austin Gibbs. Not exactly anything to write home about.

"I don't know yet, but I promise you, I will have a kick ass line-up by five. Thank you, Ben," she said, climbing out of my Jeep. "I will text you the details in a bit. I still have to figure out where we are even having this thing," she sighed. She had a lot of work coming her way, but I knew she would make it all work. She waved goodbye and ran into Julia's house. I threw my Jeep into reverse and called Andy, telling him to assemble an emergency band meeting. We had a lot of work to do.

/\\/\\/\\

"Get off of your lazy asses, we need to practice," I said, picking up my guitar, adjusting the strap to fit exactly how I wanted to.

"I can't," Andy said from the couch, behind his laptop. "There is too much koality stuff happening on tumblr right now."

"The fact that you actually say 'koality' makes me question why I am even friends with you," Sam, our drummer, said.

"Someone had a porn tape leak today on tumblr. Gifs have been made. It is someone I believe you know, bro."

"I know?" I asked.

"Maybe I could use it to my advantage," Andy said, deep in thought.

"Who is it?" I asked.

"None other than John O'Callaghan." Andy answered, unaware of the gawking face I was currently giving him.

"You are kidding me?"

"No way. Apparently he has been doing nothing but drinking and girls this whole tour," Andy shrugged.

"Was he aware that someone was filming him or?" I started, but then I realized that it was none of my business.

"Who knows," Andy closed his computer. "Maybe Peyton will want me now. If it's cool with you, bro."

"No, bro. It isn't. Get up. We have to practice. And don't tell Peyton about that. Not tonight."

/\\/\\/\\/\\

I drove our van to the directions Peyton gave us. The directions that led us to a field in the middle of a tiny wooded area. She had gotten a lot done, I would give her that. The stage was up, the speakers were good to go. There were tables set up for us to do signings or sell merch if we wished, which was pretty amazing. I climbed out of the van and set off to find her. It wasn't that hard, there was hardly anybody here. I wondered why. Was nobody coming? She looked incredible, of course. December in Arizona was cold, but it wasn't unbearable. She dressed appropriately in a long sleeve shirt with a vest over it, jeans and boots. Her sunglasses were shielding her eyes from the harsh sun, which was setting somewhere in the distance. She had a green clipboard in her hand, checking off things she had accomplished, going over things she still had to do.

"Hey," I said, trying not to sneak up on her, "need any help?"

"Uh," she said, still looking at her clipboard. She finally looked up and smiled. "Hey. Could you help by hanging some of these flyers," she paused, grabbing a handful of flyers from her computer bag. They had pictures of Daisy on them. They were actually pretty amazing looking. "Can you hang them on trees kind of leading in, make sure the kids know which direction to go."

"Sure." I said, looking at the flyers. I saw all of the other bands, none of which, I had ever met. "So these are the bands?"

"Well," she set down her clipboard on an amp. "Yeah. Do you want to meet them?"

"Sure," I nodded. We started walking across the field to where everyone was hanging out. They all looked comfortable with each other, like they were friends. I was nervous. I felt like I was crashing their party.

"Everyone," Peyton shouted when we got close enough for them to hear us, and they all seemed to go quiet instantly, "This is Ben. He is from Walking After Dark, the openers. The rest of his band are around here somewhere," she shrugged. "Make it a point to introduce yourselves to them. Ben, this is everyone. I'll just introduce bands and then you guys can introduce yourselves further." She started pointing them out. "That's Austin Gibbs, and then that's This Century. That's The Summer Set. A Rocket to the Moon. Uh, Brighten, and that's Fairline. I'm going to go find Julia. Guys I am about to tweet directions, you can all retweet me. Then we should start seeing people around 7. Show starts at 8. Shit, I left my clipboard." She looked frazzled. "The line-up will be Walking After Dark, Gibbs, Fairline, This Century, Brighten, The Summer Set, and then A Rocket to the Moon. Is everyone okay with this?" Everyone seemed to be okay, so Peyton skipped away, leaving me alone with six bands full of her closest friends. Oh, okay. Cool.

As soon as she left, they continued their conversation, which, to my dismay, was exactly what Andy was talking about at the apartment.

"Do you think Peyton knows about it yet?" some guy with dark hair from A Rocket to the Moon asked.

"Well, her best friend is married to my brother, so she may," the guy from Fairline shrugged.

"Has she said anything to you about it?" Austin asked me.

"No," I shook my head. "But she's in a really good mood guys, do you really think she knows about it?"

"Good point," Austin said.

"Wait, are you THE Ben?" the guy with Elvis hair and sunglasses from A Rocket to the Moon asked me.

"THE Ben?" I asked. "I guess I am?"

"Shit," almost all of them said.

Shit, indeed.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

I could only take so many questions of how it felt to get my heart stomped on by Peyton before I left. We did come up with a plan before I left though, one I was excited about.

I went to go find my band and make sure Andy wasn't hitting on Peyton. He was, of course. She was letting him though. You could tell he was getting on her nerves though. I decided I should go rescue her, it was the least I could do. Something about all of the questions though, all of the guys talking about the way Peyton dated both John and I at the same time, like I didn't already know about it, it just put me in a bad mood, but I had to push that aside. I grabbed Peyton's arm, excused ourselves from Andy, and dragged her away.

"Thank you," she sighed in relief.

"Sure," I said.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Sure." I nodded.

"Thank you again for playing Ben. Do you think we will raise enough money to pay for Daisy's surgeries?" I looked past her at the crowd already forming behind the barricade, waiting to get in. Our tweets had worked, and it wasn't even pushing 6 yet.

"Oh yeah, I am sure we will wing it."

Her phone started ringing and she pulled it out of her pocket, smiling at the screen. "Hey Garrett!" she answered, but her face immediately fell. "John?" She was quiet for a while, listening to what he had to say. "No. Don't come home. That would be stupid. You have a show tonight. Go play it."

I checked out of the conversation, giving her privacy. We needed to sound check soon. I left her to go find the rest of my band, we had a show to play.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

This was, without a doubt, the largest crowd we had ever played for. The kids were still pouring in, and I was getting nervous. I usually wasn't one for stage fright, but I literally couldn't remember how to make my legs move.

"Are you ready, bro?" Andy asked me. I nodded, because, yes, I was ready. I was excited. It was a chance to get our band heard. We were playing with some pretty well known bands tonight, and it was all because of Peyton, or rather the fact that I ran over Julia's dog, but there were A LOT of people out there.

"Show time!" Peyton said, scooting past me, and taking the stage. Last time I checked, she was the one with stage fright.

"How's everybody doing tonight?" she asked, adjusting the mic to her height. "Alright! That's what I like to hear. Thank you for coming out tonight. I know it was kind of last minute, but it's the first benefit concert I have ever put together, and we all just want to thank you for supporting the cause."

She went on for another minute or so, and then it was our time to play. I took a deep breath, turned around, did our pre-show chant, and took the stage. I plugged my guitar into the amp, and made sure it was tuned correctly before I introduced our band.

"How is everybody doing tonight?" I asked, and got the same response I always did, a half-assed, who the fuck are you, we will cheer for you because it is the polite thing to do, answer. We played a few songs, and Andy tried loosening them up by taking the wrong approach.

"So, everyone see John Ohh's sex tape?" he asked. The crowd lost it. Half of the girls were going crazy, half of them were booing. I looked sidestage at Peyton, who just rolled her eyes. Something told me she knew about it. I shot a death glare at Andy who shrugged it off. I pressed on with the show, but afterwards, I would kick his ass.

By the end of the set, we had the crowd in the palm of our hands, they were jumping, and throwing back as much energy as we were putting out and that was what I liked to see. It was, if I do say so myself, the best show we had ever played.

"Thank you," I said, unplugging my guitar from the chord, walking offstage and handing my guitar to the tech. As soon as we were out of view I punched Andy.

"What the fuck bro?"

"I was just loosening up the crowd!" he said, rubbing his arm.

"You are an asshole." I said, shaking my head.

"You guys were great," Peyton said, smiling at all of us, even Andy.

"Thank you," we all said. She nodded and went to go find Gibbs, who was probably nursing his 5th or 6th beer by now.

After much pushing, and much inappropriate touching on Austin's part, she finally got him on stage. I went to go find Julia, who told me that she could take over for a little while, because I needed to talk to Peyton.

"Come on," I said, grabbing her, and pulling her alongside me. I walked down the back stairs to the woods, where it was void of everything but trees and the two of us.

"Talk to me," I said, sitting down on a rock.

"About what?" she asked, sitting down on the ground a few feet away.

"I feel like there's something bothering you today, and when John called you, it seems like," I hesitated, trying to think of the right words, ones that wouldn't make her want to bite my head off. "I don't know. He made you frustrated."

"Because he does," she said with a shrug. "John O'Callaghan can sleep with as many girls as he wants, he can film it and stream it live on fucking stickam for all I care. We aren't together. It isn't my concern."

"So you did know?"

"Of course I knew. I have a tumblr. I am not dumb. Julia is married to Garrett, Ben. Kennedy calls me a lot to check on Olivia. I know what John does. I just don't see how what he does has to even do with me anymore. Why do you even care? I have been trying all day to make an effort with you, to be friends, and what did you tell me this morning? Oh, right. We were never friends."

"Because you hurt me, Peyton." I said, looking right at her, wanting her to get the full effect of what I was saying. "You can't just cheat on somebody and expect everything to be okay."

"I know," she said, biting her bottom lip. "And I will never be able to tell you how sorry I am that I put you through that."

"I didn't bring you out here to talk about that," I sighed. "I do want to be friends. It's hard work trying to be a dick, and that's not who I am. "

"You want to be friends?" she asked, like the words that were coming out of my mouth were a foreign language.

"I do."

"Good," she sighed, "Because I have a secret that I have to tell someone or I will explode. I tried to tell John and Kennedy before they left but I couldn't."

"Well, you can tell me." I smiled, relishing the fact that she already trusted me enough to tell me a secret she couldn't even tell Kennedy or John.

"I am leaving moving next week," she said, drawing patterns in the dirt with her finger.

"Why?" I asked. "Why next week? I mean it is December. Christmas is coming up. The Maine doesn't even come back for another two weeks what about Olivia?"

"Nick and Sophia are going to watch Olivia until Kennedy comes home," she answered, taking a deep breath. "I got signed to a label," she paused, letting what she said sink in. "I am moving to California to record. It won't be permanent. It's only for a little while."

"Wait a minute. You told me that you never wanted a career in the music business."

"Well, I didn't think that I could do it," she shrugged. "But both Julia and I are going to start recording next week. She isn't moving there, though. She is only coming up on the weekends. She couldn't be away from Will or Garrett that long. I, however, am committing to it. Full force."

"No shit," I said, dumbfounded. I was at a loss for words.

"I don't know," she said, fidgeting with the hem of her shirt, "I just want to do something in my life that I am proud of. This may be it."

"I am sure it will be," I said, meaning it. She had talent, and I am sure she would make it far. I was almost jealous. I had been in and out of bands since 8th grade, trying to make a difference, but I was working at a bookstore, playing a band that didn't seem to be going anywhere. "How did you get signed?"

"Nick recorded some stuff with me a little while back. He gave it to someone, who gave it to someone, who gave it to someone who called me and bought me a plane ticket. I told him I couldn't do it without Julia. So he bought her one too."

"This is amazing," I said. She nodded, and we went quiet, listening to the cheers of the crowd as Austin finished his set.

"Someday I wonder if I will ever get applause like that, or people who actually want to come to our shows. It's frustrating, the amount of effort and heart that I put into this band, and how little I get in return." I said, finally telling someone how I felt after years of holding it in. "Is it ever going to go anywhere? Or is it always going to be just a hobby? I didn't go to college because ever since I was 10, I knew what I wanted to do."

"You are getting there, Ben," she said. "You are meeting people, you are getting your band heard. That's how you do it. Your day will come, I know it will."

"When your big and famous, will you let us open for you?" I joked.

"Of course," she laughed and stood up, offering her hand to me. We started making our way back to the stage.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

A Rocket to the Moon had just played their last song, but our plan was just about to kick into gear. "I know that those little flyers said that we were the last band," Nick said, unplugging his electric guitar and handing it to tech, who traded him for an acoustic, "but they lied." Peyton just looked at Julia, their confused faces mirroring each others.

"If you don't know who these next performers are, that's cool. You will know soon enough." Both Julia and Peyton started shaking their heads, and mouthing the word "no." Nick continued, "They're some of my best friends in the whole world, so if you could give them a hand. Julia, Peyton, come on." Both Halvo and I grabbed a stool and brought them onstage so the girls had somewhere to sit.

"We don't even have a set list and we haven't practiced," Peyton was whispering to Halvo and Nick as they tried to drag her onstage.

"Can't back out now," Nick winked at her.

"I hate you," she said, grabbing a bottle of water and walking onto the stage, snatching up the guitar and sitting down on the stool.

"Hi," she said into the mic.

"What do you feel like playing, Peyton?" Julia asked her.

"Uh, I don't know. Let's take some requests." Peyton said. It seemed like a million hands shot up into the air. "Oh god,"

"I don't even know who to pick," Peyton said.

"Play The Maine!" someone shouted.

"Okay, maybe that wasn't a good idea," Peyton said. "Julia, your pick. Go."

"I've gotta break out the Ryan Adams. Still know how to play 'Two'?" she asked. Peyton nodded. There was something about the combination of the song, and their voices that made the whole crowd shut up and listen, really listen. It was almost like magic. It was the first time I had ever heard them play together. As I looked at Nick and Halvo, who were just smiling, I was guessing they had already heard them play together, and they knew what magic their voices harnessed. And once they finally decided on which songs to play, the next four songs were no different. Peyton even picked a song by Pink Floyd, which personally made me happy.

I understood how Peyton and Julia got signed only after their short period of time dipping their toes in the pool that was the music industry. They were amazing. I watched Peyton as she hit every single note, even without warming up. She was a strong person, and a part of me wished that we could have worked out. A part of me was glad that we were only friends. I had a feeling that we would be really good friends for a while to come.

That night we raised $6,458.98.

That night we raised enough money to pay for the surgery for a dog that I had run over that morning. It is crazy how much can happen in the span of a few hours. Don't ever take your life for granted. Amazing things can happen if you let them.


	16. This is the End

My dad told me that when I was five, I sang along to every song in _The Sound of Music. _ I wanted to grow up to be just like Julie Andrews. When I was ten, I had watched _Grease_ so much that my VHS tape stopped working. And no matter how old fashioned _Seven Brides for Seven Brothers _was; when I was fifteen, visiting my cousin in Alabama, we would act out all of the scenes. I didn't realize it, but I had wanted to be a musician all of my life. As I looked around my room at the various piles of clothes that needed to be sorted and packed, the realization that I may just get to live my dream was sinking in. I know I always told everyone that I didn't want to pursue a career in the music industry, but I was afraid that I would fall flat on my face. I had already made it this far. I had been signed, I was moving to California to record my first album. I could still fall flat on my face, but at least I could say that I gave it my all.

I had only told a grand total of three people that I was moving. Everyone else would hear it through the grapevine. News traveled fast in our group of friends, and I hated saying goodbye. Julia already knew, because, well she was recording with me, so therefore Garrett knew. Soon, all of The Maine would know, but I really hope he could keep his mouth shut for a bit. Nick was the one who helped me get signed, so of course he knew. I ended up telling Ben, because in that moment of time, I needed a friend. I told my dad, and to be honest, he wasn't very happy with me.

"_What is this big news?"_

"_Well," I started, afraid of what he would say. Things could either go really good or really really bad with my dad. "Nick sent some stuff that we recorded together to a friend at a record company, and well," I hesitated, taking a deep breath. "I got signed."_

"_You got signed?"_

"_I got signed. I am moving to California to record."_

_He was silent. I could hear my heart beat, it sounded like it was echoing off of the walls._

"_What about college?"_

"_What about college, dad? I will finish, eventually. I just want to see if I have what it takes to do this."_

"_You won't get anywhere in life without a degree, Peyton. How many times do I have to tell you this?"_

"_What if this could help me pay for college, daddy?" I asked, shooting up out of my chair. "Do you not think I can do this?"_

"_No, Peyton. I don't. How many people actually make it in the music industry?"_

"_Thank you for the boost of confidence dad. I appreciate it."_

"_I am not saying it to hurt you, I am saying it to make you think about what you are doing to your life."_

"_What I am doing to my life? What I am doing to MY LIFE, dad. It is MY life, not yours. Thanks dad, I guess I'll see you in a few months." I said, turning on my heel, slamming the front door on my way out._

I sighed, trying to find the clothes I wanted to pack in the suitcase. The record company generously rented a house for me instead of an apartment. I would have been fine with either. I didn't know what to take, I couldn't concentrate clearly. I heard tiny feet running full speed towards my room, and my mood instantly changed for the better.

"Peyton, have you left yet?" Olivia screamed before she even rounded the corner. It was just Olivia and I in the house last night, bonding and trying to spend as much time together as we could. I promised her I would still be here when she woke up, but she had a hard time believing me.

"I am still here!" I said, folding a pair of jeans and placing them in the bottom of my suitcase.

"Praise Justin!" she said. It was a habit I couldn't break her of, even though I was the one who had started it.

"Come here," I said, holding my arms out. She came running. "I am going to miss you so much," I said, squeezing her close, placing a kiss to the top of her brown curls.

"Don't go," she started crying.

"What did you promise me," I said, trying to stay strong.

"That I wouldn't cry. But Peyton," she said, wiping the tears away, "I haven't seen my own mommy in a long time. I don't know where she went. You are my mom."

My heart swelled with pride and love. I pulled her into my lap, and rocked her back and forth, running my fingers through her hair for a good ten minutes. We both loved each other's company, which made this one of the hardest goodbyes I would have to say today.

"Do you want to help me pack?" I finally asked her after our long bout of silence. She nodded and stood up. I remained sitting on the floor, asking her to toss me stuff to put in my suitcase. Nick and Sophia arrived thirty minutes later. When we heard the front door open, we both froze and looked at each other, knowing that these were our final moments together for a few months. This time, it was my turn to tear up. She slowly closed the gap between us and held onto me again.

"Write a good song for me, Peyton."

"I will. I promise, baby. I love you."

"I love you."

Nick and Sophia knocked on my door, even though it was open, I know they didn't want to disturb our moment, but the clock was ticking. The cab would be here soon to take both Julia and I to the airport. I let go of Olivia and stood up. I hated goodbyes. It wasn't like I would be gone forever. It was only a few months. The length of a tour, perhaps.

"Take care of yourself," Nick said, pulling me into his chest and wrapping his arms around me.

"I will, I promise."

"People in California aren't as nice as we are."

"Okay, dad." I joked.

"I got you pepper spray just in case," he said, pulling out a small can on a key ring.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked. I walked to my suitcase and pulled out a key ring. On this key ring were 7 identical key chains of pepper spray.

"I have collected these over the years. I have not once had the opportunity to use one, yet. I am looking forward to cranking one of these bad boys out."

Nick just chuckled.

"You can't blame us for being worried."

"Guess not," I shrugged. I looked at Sophia. Her tiny, tiny baby bump was starting to appear, she looked so happy and cute.

"Take care, Peyton," she smiled at me.

"You too," I smiled back and gave her a hug. "And take care of my girl," I said, placing my hand on Olivia's shoulder. Kennedy may not be happy with me when he found out that I left his daughter with Nick without telling him, but it's not like I left her with a complete stranger, and it was only for a week.

"OH, hold the phone!" Olivia exclaimed, throwing her hands out in front of her for emphasis. "I forgot to give you something," she said. She ran down the hallway to the makeshift room Jared and I made for her to grab whatever it was.

"Uncle John helped me make this for you a long time ago." she said, handing me a light blue bag with anchors on it. Cute bag. I took the tissue paper off it and held up a purple microphone with glitter and sequins all over it. There were no words. I didn't know what to say. It was… interesting.

"You have to use it whenever you make it big and go on tour," she said. I smiled and looked down at her.

"I promise you, I will use it every time I sing," I said, squatting down to hug her one more time. I had to rip myself away from her so that they could leave, because I needed to cry in peace.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

"Nick and Sophia just came by to pick up Will and I didn't want to let him go. I am only going for the weekend," Julia said, letting go of her suitcase and dropping her carry-on bag on the floor. I turned around, tears still clinging to my lashes.

"Olivia said that I was her mom." I choked out. "I won't see her for months," I continued. Julia was silent, she just covered her mouth.

"I can't do this," I said, holding back a sob that was threatening to escape.

"You can do this. We can do this."

"No. I am going to fail. My dad even said I was going to."

Julia placed her hands on my shoulders and looked me directly in the eyes. "You, Peyton Elaine Smith, are not going to fail. I will be there with you, every step of the way. Well on the weekends. You will devote your life for the next few months to this. You can do this. You will do this, or everything Nick did for you will be for nothing. Saying goodbye to Olivia this morning, that was for nothing. Do you want to let her down? She is so proud of you. She was talking about you getting signed the other day, Peyton. She believes in you."

"She's also four years old," I said, wiping a tear away with my finger.

"She's super smart, though." Julia shrugged. "You can do this."

"I can do this," I nodded, letting out a shaky breath. "I am going to kick ass. We are going to kick ass."

"Just like we always do!" she said, offering her hand for our secret handshake.

/\\/\\/\\

"Do you have your ID?" she asked me as we made our way into the airport. I rolled my eyes, flashing her my driver's license.

"Dear Justin Richards, child, what was happening with your hair that day?" she asked.

"Oh shut up," I smacked her, tucking it away in my jacket so I wouldn't lose it.

"Do you have your ticket?" she asked.

"Jesus! Ever since you became a mom, that need to make sure everybody had every single thing became so overpowering, it is now annoying. I bet Garrett hates you before he leaves on tour."

"He sure does," she smiled. "But I bet he never complains when everybody else forgets things. Like that time Kennedy forgot to bring a single pair of underwear. I bet he wished he had a girlfriend who thought to make sure he had everything."

"Hey, that wasn't my fault, okay. I asked him if he had everything, and he said yes. He was the one who didn't double check. Maybe all five of them should marry you."

"If only that were legal," she said, setting her bag on the scale to get weighed.

"God I bet mine is like, one pound over the weight limit. That would be my luck," I sighed, rolling my bag up to the next counter. I set my bag on the scale, and wouldn't you know it. It was 6 pounds over.

"I'm sorry miss, but you either have to pay the additional fee or take something out," the guy behind the counter said. I looked at him and sighed.

"How much is the fee?"

"29 dollars," he said.

"For six pounds?" I asked. "That is ridiculous!"

"Or you could just take something out," he said.

"But I need everything," I sighed.

"Just go," he said, grabbing my bag and tagging it, placing it on the belt.

"Really?" I asked, smiling at him for doing me a favor. This never happened.

"No worries. Have a safe flight," he winked at me. Gross. Julia and I walked away giggling. We started making our way to security so we could go sit at our gate for an hour. That didn't seem like a lot of fun, but I haven't gotten to hang out with Julia, just the two of us, in what seemed like forever. No kids, no boyfriends, no husbands, just us. I was looking forward to the weekends she would be coming up to work.

"PEYTON," I heard someone yelling my name. I whirled around to see someone I thought I would have never seen there.

"What is…" Julia started, but trailed off.

"No idea." I said. "Hang on."

I met him halfway. He was sweating and out of breath, meeting me at the airport, when I never even told him I was leaving.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Uh," he started, but then he stopped. I just waited.

"Why are you so out of breath?"

"I rode my bike," he shrugged.

"From Tempe? That's like, thirteen miles. When did you leave?"

"Early, this morning," he said, placing his hands on his knees and bending over, trying to catch his breath.

"Why didn't you just drive? God do you always have to be so fucking indie? Do you need to sit down?" I asked.

"No," he said. "Need to stop drinking so much beer," he said more to himself than to me.

"What are you even doing here?" I tried again.

"Saying goodbye. Since I had to find out through the grapevine that you got signed, congrats, by the way," he said standing up.

"I didn't really tell anyone," I shrugged. "I really should get going, though."

"Uh," he seemed like he was looking for something to say, anything to say to keep me there longer. "I get sick on planes sometimes."

"What?"

"Yeah. And sometimes it helps if you chew gum when you take off. It helps if your ears pop really bad like mine do."

"It isn't like this is my first time flying," I said, trying to get him to stop ranting.

"And if the person next to you snores or lays on you, don't be afraid to elbow them in the gut. This is the real world. Don't let people walk all over you."

"Do I ever?"

"And I know everybody ignores them when they tell you what to do when the plane crashes, but don't. And if someone tries to hijack your plane-"

"What are you even doing?" I asked, trying to get to stop whatever this was.

"I just worry about you."

"Why? We haven't REALLY talked in over a year."

"And whose fault is that?" he asked, finally looking me in the eyes. Ouch.

"I," I sighed. "So much has changed. I don't know what to say."

"You don't let people walk on you? Peyton, you let John break us up."

"Eric, it wasn't like that."

"It wasn't like that at first. That isn't even what I came here to say. I just wanted to give you this," he said, reaching in his pocket for the exact same tiny keychain of pepper spray that Nick had given me this morning. I chuckled and then handed it back to him.

"Thank you for the thought, but I already checked my bag. I doubt they will let me carry this on."

"Oh, right," he sighed, stuffing it back in his pocket. "Just take care of yourself, kid," he shrugged.

"I will. Take care of yourself too, buddy. Lay off of the beer." I smiled.

"I will try," he said.

I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, his arms automatically draping around the small of my back.

"I love you, Peyton."

"I love you too, Halvo."

With a kiss to my forehead, he was gone, back to his bike to ride home, I assumed. I almost felt like there was more to his "I love you" than what should have been. He was the first boy I had ever loved, and I would always love him. Watching him walk away, I realized that. I smiled and walked back to Julia, who was just watching me, waiting for me to tell her everything.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

To Halvo's relief, I am sure, our plane landed safe and sound. The car taking us to our new house for the next months was waiting at the airport, with our own personal driver for the day. We put the suitcases in the trunk and got ready to get to work. Now, I don't know if you believe in fate, I did. Somehow, I don't think you would believe it as much as Julia and I did.

"Are you kidding me right now?" I asked nobody in particular.

"Shit!" Julia yelled.

"Hello, ladies."

"Phil?"

"At your service," he said, slowly pulling away from the curb.

"Are you just our driver today or are you our driver the whole time?" I asked, genuinely stoked that Phil was in our life again.

"Just for today, but I can pull some strings, if you'd like me to drive you ladies around every day. Got to put food on the table somehow."

"Fuck yes, I am snatching you up, Phil." I said. Phil was the best bus driver The Maine had ever had to drive them around. I guess he now worked for the record label I got signed with, which was a plus for me!

We talked to Phil the whole ride to the house, which was forty-five minutes away from the airport. His daughter was graduating high school in the spring. I didn't even know he had a daughter. It made me realize how caught up we were in our own lives that we never really got to know Phil. We were selfish kids when we went on tour with The Maine, only thinking about our lives and things that were relevant only to us. I looked over at Julia, thinking about how much she had changed in the course of the past few years. She was married. She had a kid, and she was a damn good mom. She took care of business, and I loved her for that. I looked at what I had accomplished, and it seemed like a whole lot of nothing.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

"Wow, this house is so cute," Julia said, helping Phil get our bags out of the trunk. For some reason, I really didn't want to go inside right now. Being on the flight, and then in the cab, I just really wanted to be outside right now.

"I think I am just going to explore for a bit. I have never been here before."

"Oh sure, we'll carry your bag inside," Julia said, sarcastically. I smiled.

"Thanks!" I smiled and started walking down the sidewalk, stuffing my hands in my jacket. The location was in downtown Los Angeles, right in the middle of everything. I didn't know which direction to go first. It didn't look like I was in a bad part of town or anything, but I almost wished I would have thought to grab my multiple cans of pepper spray. My purse was secure around my shoulder, it wasn't going anywhere, not that I had anything anyone would even want to steal. I didn't have that much money, just a hairbrush and some chap stick.

I walked a mile or so down the street, and found my new home away from home. A used record store, it may have looked a little rough on the outside, but on the inside, it looked like heaven. I started flipping through some bins, going through used CD's and vinyls. I found a used Ryan Adams cd, unscratched that I had to own, even if I already owned the songs on my itunes. There was something about having the hard copy. I kept searching the bins, and found a hard copy of a Pink Floyd CD, a Led Zeppelin CD, and a few others. By the time I looked at my phone, five hours had passed, and it was 7 pm. I paid for all of my little gems and left the store, promising myself to return again another day and search through the whole second story of uncharted territory.

Now, was I supposed to turn right on 4th Avenue? Or left? Or was it even 4th Avenue? Damn it. I whipped my phone out of my jacket pocket, and wouldn't you know it. It blinked twice, indicating it was dying, and then, it died. I shoved my CD's into my bag and racked my brain trying to remember where the house was. I tried to remember any distinctive landmarks or anything, but nothing was setting off that bell in my head, so I just walked. I walked for an hour and a half, until I finally found it.

"PRAISE JUSTIN RICHARDS, JULIA. I FUCKING JUST GOT LOST FOR ALMOST TWO HOURS IN FUCKING L.A." I yelled, sitting my bag down on the table that was right by the front door. I took a glance around the house and was impressed with what I saw. "WHERE EVEN ARE YOU?"

I walked through the foyer, looking at the artwork on the wall, and in the mirror. I looked like a wreck, because I had frantically walked around a city that I have never been in once in my whole life. I tried to fix my hat and then gave up entirely, continuing on my exploration of the new house.

I walked through the kitchen, somewhere I would never be. Take out for me, please. The kitchen looped through to a hallway that I assumed led to bedrooms. I would check those out later. I backtracked through the kitchen and the foyer to the living room, where there was a gentleman. Did I have the wrong house.

"I'm sorry, sir. Either I have the wrong house or," damn it, I wish I had some pepper spray. "I am sorry about my language earlier too. Am I even in the right place? Oh god, is this your house?" I asked, covering my mouth.

He stood up from the couch and turned around. If my heart hadn't already stopped beating, it would have right then.

"It's an easy city to get lost in" he said. "but don't worry. You'll get the hang of it."

"I…"

"Do you want to know what I have been holding in since I left? When I said goodbye to you, I didn't want to. I wanted to stay there with you, or I wanted you to come with me. I wanted us to be together. I don't care if you don't want to hear this; I just need to tell you," he said, when I opened my mouth to say something. "This past month, it has taken all I have to stay on this tour. I wanted to come home to you every single day, because my life without you is miserable. I have lived most of my life without you, Peyton. I don't want to do it anymore." He took a step closer to me. "I have seen you with other guys, and it literally felt like someone ripped my heart out and I have been going through life without it for a while. It hurts every day. It doesn't hurt right now," he said, taking a few more steps and closing the gap between us. "It doesn't hurt because I have you right here. You are in front of me, I can see you, I can touch you, I can feel you. I don't want to lose you, Peyton. I don't ever want to lose you again. I have lost you too many times in the past," he said, pushing my bangs out of my face.

"But how many times are we going to try before it actually works," I said, already feeling the stinging of tears forming in my eyes. "How many times are we going to put ourselves through complete agony before we find happiness."

"Until it works. Until we are old, living in a beat up old house, with grandkids running all over our yard. Sitting in rocking chairs, yelling at the mail lady for stepping on our flowers," he said, looking me straight in the eyes. I had to remember how to breathe. "Do you remember that day you left Halvo at the park, and you came to the house." I nodded, my eyes still locked on his. "Do you remember our drunken conversation?" I nodded.

"We said that if we were thirty and single we would get married and have lots of sex and babies," I started sobbing, "and that we would name them all Kennedy junior."

He gently placed both of his hands on the sides of my face and continued to gaze into my eyes. "We don't have to wait until we are thirty. You can't stand there and tell me that you don't love me as much as I love you. You are my life, Peyton. You and Olivia are my whole world. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for either of you. So Peyton, I am asking you now, I am asking you once, if you love me. If you don't, if I am not who you feel you are meant to be with me, now is the time to tell me, but if I am, don't give up on us."

No words could form in my mouth, the tears were still falling, and it didn't feel like they would ever stop.

"Kennedy," I tried, but that was as far as I got. I pulled him towards me and gently brushed my lips against his. I knew I wanted Kennedy. I wanted Kennedy for the rest of my life. I wanted my life to be his life, his life to be mine. I wanted to share everything. I wanted him now and forever. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, but he was never one of them. John, Ben, Justin, everyone else. They were mistakes. Kennedy was the only boy I had ever been with that I had never regretted. Not once, and I never would.

"Thank god," Julia said, coming out into the living room. I pulled away from Kennedy and looked at her, wishing I could smack her for interrupting this moment.

"Did you bring him here?"

"Hey, he was the one who heard you were here. He called me."

"I am missing the show tonight," he shrugged.

"You missed a show for me?" I asked.

"I would miss a whole tour for you," he said, picking me up, his lips continuing where they left off.

"Oh, let me just… leave," Julia awkwardly shouted in our direction. I flipped her off and continued to kiss the man I was, and had always been madly in love with. It was going to work this time. There was no way John was going to get in the way, or Gabi, or anyone else.

Life works in mysterious ways. Let life happen. Don't try to counteract it. It works the way it is supposed to. You may think you know who you are meant to end up with, you may not. You could be with the wrong person, or you could be lucky enough to find the right one the first time. Whatever happens, don't give up on love. It really is everything that matters in life. Never give up on your dreams, they are what shape you. Never give up on yourself. Your life will end up amazing if you let it.

/\\/\\/\\

It has been my honor writing this fanfiction for all of my readers. I am literally crying writing this last chapter. I feel like this story is my baby and I am sending it off to college or something. I think this is the end of this story for me. Maybe a day will come when I want to continue it, but for now, I will say that this is finished, and I hope that you all enjoyed this journey that we have all been through together. Don't be afraid to comment on this story or leave me something in my ask box. I love every single one of you. Thank you for everything. =']

-Donia


	17. Epilogue

It's short, but I couldn't just leave it. I miss writing already.

Epilogue

Time was one of those things that slipped everybody's mind. I hadn't realized that my time in California had come to an end so fast. A lot of amazing things had happened in this house, and I would miss it, but I missed home more.

I missed Olivia and the rest of my boys. Kennedy managed to come visit every great once in a while, but I missed him too. Julia had already finished recording, so I was flying solo this trip home.

"Are you ready?" Phil asked me, grabbing the bag I had left in the foyer.

"I think so," I said, looking around the house once more.

"I feel like I am forgetting something."

"If you did, I will make sure the company mails it to you. Unless you gave me a fake address, then I can't help you."

"Thanks, buddy. Don't forget to tell Amber when she goes to ASU to call me. I literally live a few miles down the road. It's always good to know people."

"Sure is," he sighed, setting my bag down on the ground and pulling me in for a hug. He was old enough to be my dad, and that is how Julia and I looked at him this whole trip. We had him over for dinner, went to movies, and had game nights with him and his daughter. We considered him family.

It was bittersweet leaving California. I liked LA, but I didn't like it enough to ever live here longer than I had to. Arizona was my home. Arizona was where my family was.

The tearful goodbye with Phil was harder than I thought it would be. Standing at the airport, I wish our time together wasn't over, but it was. For now, anyway. I was due to come in a few weeks to put the finishing touches on the album, and Phil volunteered himself to pick me up from the airport. Recorded was a lot different than I thought it was going to be. I was used to small time recording with Nick. I did professionally record a song with The Maine, but John was there the whole time and he made me feel comfortable. Recording by myself was scary. When Julia was there on the weekends, it wasn't so bad. If I was having an off day, we would laugh about it and she would giver me pointers on how to sound better. When she wasn't there though, my producer wasn't the nicest person. He would taunt me, and ask me how I was planning to torture him that day. I got through it though, and I was done recording. I had one last song to record, but for that one, I needed special help.

As I sat in my seat, waiting for the plane to take off, I kept thinking of home, and imagining how much could have changed in two months.

/\\/\\/\\

As soon as the plane landed and the seatbelt sign was off, you better believe I was the first one out of my seat, waiting for them to open the door. I was nervous, and I had no idea why. I had no reason to be. As soon as the opened the door, I sprinted down the walkway and the down the long hallway that seemed like it would never end. I sprinted until I reached the arrival's gate, already trying to search through what seemed like hundreds of people for the one person in the world I wanted more than anything right now. I stood on a bench, trying to peer over everyone in the busy airport, but I didn't see a single person that I knew here. Did they forget that I came back today? Was I going to have to call my dad to come get me? I hadn't even talked to my dad in two months, wouldn't that be an awkward phone call? People started staring at me as they walked by. I guess I looked like a crazy bitch standing on a bench for no reason. I was about to hop off of the bench, but someone else hopped up. I turned around and came face to face with none other than Kennedy Brock.

"Hey," was all he said, his lips pulling into a playful smile.

"Hey," I replied, setting my bag down between us on the bench. "Baby! You shaved!" He just nodded.

"How was your flight?"

"It was good," I answered.

"Glad to be back?"

"Of course I am."

'Are you going to miss California?" 

"I really love that you care, but just kiss me already," I said, grabbing a handful of his shirt and pulling him towards me.

"I was getting to that part," he smiled, closing the distance between our lips. It felt like we hadn't seen each other in months, even though it had only been a few weeks. He ran his fingers through my hair and kissed me over and over again.

"I'm glad to have you back," he said, kissing my forehead. I wrapped my arms around him and sighed contentedly. A few people were still starting at us. We were still standing on the bench, in the middle of everyone, just making out like it was nobodies business.

"Are you ready to go home?" he asked.

"Let's go." I nodded, planting another kiss to his lips. Kennedy hopped down off of the bench and then picked me up just to set me down on the ground, kissing me once more. It took us forever to get to baggage claim and to our car. It was almost like we were newlyweds or something, and we had to keep stopping to get all of our kissing in before we got home. I wasn't stupid. I knew there was a party waiting for me at home, and once we were around everyone, we couldn't be like this. It would be awkward for everyone. I almost wish that I didn't care, because I should be allowed to kiss the man I loved if I wanted, but not with all of my ex boyfriends there.

And John. He was in a class all of his own.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

"Where are we?" I asked after Kennedy pulled into the driveway of an unfamiliar house.

"Just come on," he said, hopping out of the car.

"But I wanted to take my bags home and have a chance to wash the plane smell off of me before we went anywhere," I sighed, climbing out of the car.

"And you will have the chance to do both of those things," he assured me. "But I didn't want to grab your bags right now, because I will be too busy showing you around our new house. We can come back out and get them."

"What?" I gawked, looking up at the three-story house. It looked way too big for us.

"The old one had too many bad memories, and this was my grandparents house. Beautiful isn't it?"

"It's gorgeous." I agreed, trying to take it all in. The landscaping alone was breathtaking. The house was incredible. It was all too perfect.

"Tour?" he asked.

"Yes, please," I nodded.

"Okay," he said, picking me up and throwing me over his shoulder. "We'll start in the bedroom."

/\\/\\/\\/\\

Rolling up two hours later than you were supposed to for your own party, was generally frowned upon. Apparently, everyone could tell that Kennedy and I had stopped to have sex on the way. That was also frowned upon to most people.

Everyone asked me how the recording went, and how California was, and I answered everyone's questions, but none of these were the people I really wanted to see. I felt like this was the boring adult party upstairs when you were a kid and all of the fun was waiting for you downstairs. Where were all of my friends?

"Do you feel like this party is a little old?" Kennedy asked me, taking a sip of his beer.

"Dear god, yes. Where is everyone?"

"I have no idea. Who are these people?"

"My dad's friends. Funny, considering my dad isn't even here. Where are Jared and Pat? This is their house."

"Maybe they all left after we were late," Kennedy shrugged.

"Pat may leave a bunch of strangers in his house, but Jared isn't that irresponsible. They are here somewhere." I said. I grabbed Kennedy's hand and drug him up the stairs, peeking in some of the rooms to see if I saw anyone I knew. Not a single soul was upstairs.

"This party sucks," I sighed.

"I'm sorry," Kennedy frowned. "I didn't invite all of those people down there. I did invite your dad."

"He invited all of those people out there. Asshole. Couldn't even bother to show up," I blew my bangs out of my face and then drug Kennedy down the stairs to the basement. They had to be here. I pressed my ear against the door and heard laughter.

This was exactly like those kid parties.

I slowly opened the door and it was like I sucked all of the laughter out of the room. They must have thought I was one of the old people.

"It's me," I said, before I peeked my head around the door.

"PEYTON!" Olivia screamed, dropping her ping-pong paddle and running across the room. I enveloped her in my arms and easily lifted her up.

"Hey kid," I smiled, kissing the tip of her nose.

"I missed you. Two months is too long," she stated, matter of factly. "Are you done recording. I don't want you to leave again."

"I have to go back in a few weeks, but it won't be for that long. Maybe daddy will let you come with me."

Olivia looked over at Kennedy with puppy dog eyes and he just looked at me, shaking his head.

"We'll talk about it."

"We'll work on him," I said, setting her on the ground. Soon everyone came over to give me hugs.

"Why are you guys down here?"

"Did you see the party upstairs?" Jared asked. "It looked like the geriatrics ward up there."

Olivia went over to continue her game with John, who didn't even bother with coming to say hi.

"John, why is my daughter playing beer pong?" Kennedy asked, taking a seat in an old lawn chair, and pulling me into his lap. John forced himself to avoid looking our way.

"She has to learn someday," John said, throwing his ball.

"Don't worry daddy, it's juice."

/\\/\\/\\/\\

Lying in bed that night, talking about California with Kennedy, I realized how much I really didn't miss it. I missed Phil, and I missed the fact that I got Julia to myself on the weekends, but that was it. I had never been as happy as I was at that exact moment in my whole entire life. Kennedy was absent-mindedly running his fingertips up and down my arm and it was comforting. I had never once regretted my choice of choosing Kennedy over every other guy in the whole world, and I don't think I ever would.

"Kennedy," I broke the silence, and rolled over to face him. He snapped out of his daze and looked at me, a smile instantly pulling at his lips.

"Yes love?"

"Let's get married," I said, placing my hand on the side of his face.

"Well, I figured we would," he smiled.

"Right now."

"Right now?" he asked. "What are you talking about?"

"Let's go to Vegas," I said, sitting up on my knees.

"You want to leave for Vegas at 2 in the morning?"

"Yes," I said.

"I thought you wanted a big wedding?"

"We already had one," I said. "That didn't work so well for us."

"Peyton, do you really want a Vegas wedding? They are so," he struggled, trying to find the right word.

"Tacky?" I asked. "I know. But god, I want to marry you right now." I said, placing my forehead to his and looking into his eyes.

"So do I," he said. I could see the gears in his head practically turning.

/\\/\\/\\/\\

By the time all of our friends got there, the sun was about to rise. My dad even showed up. If he hadn't, have, I don't think I would have been able to forgive him. We woke Olivia up, and got her ready. Julia and Sophia helped get me ready. I didn't want to wear the same dress I wore last time., so I didn't. I dug through my suitcase for a white dress that I had bought in California. It reached just past my knees. It was sleeveless, and that was okay. It wasn't terribly cold. I picked some flowers from our garden and took a deep breath. It may not have been a lot of people's dream wedding, but it was mine.

No music was played as I walked towards Kennedy. Our guests didn't sit in chairs; they stood and watched. My hair flowed freely in the wind; it wasn't constricted in some confining up-do. I didn't wear shoes, because I liked the way the grass felt between my toes. I didn't stop mid-way to turn around and bolt. This time, I actually made it all the way to Kennedy, who was smiling more than I had ever seen him smile the whole time I had known him.

We didn't have time to write our vows, but Kennedy surprised me when he recited his. They made me cry. We said our "I do's."

When Sophia's dad asked if anyone had any objections, I half expected John to pipe in, but he didn't. I guess he was finally letting me go, and he would never know how thankful I was.

Sophia's father pronounced us man and wife, and gave us the go ahead to share our first kiss as man and wife.

It was the best kiss I had ever had in my whole 22 years.


End file.
